Fifth Down

I had my worst week of the year last week going 2-3. I’m 26-10 on the year. I am not too upset about last week though, because in case I hadn’t mentioned it…I was at the Chiefs game, which was awesome. Anyhoo, looking for a solid bounce back week. Amazingly, no teams are on bye this week. So let’s dive in to 5 for Friday.

Who’s going “Higher” in the standings: Vikings @ Packers

Apparently Kirk Cousins is forcing his teammates to listen to Creed before games in the locker room. This is the most Kirk Cousins thing ever. If you watched the Netflix series Quarterback, then you know Kirk is probably the dorkiest guy in the league. He shops at Kohl’s (or at least his wife shops for him there). He doesn’t really say bad words and sometimes wears really large chains while not wearing a shirt. Kirk is very likable but lets be honest, most of us wrote him and the Vikings off when they were 1-4 and Justin Jefferson got hurt. Since then they beat the hapless bears and the “unstoppable” 49ers. Now they face a Packers team that I thought would be solid but have turned out to be pretty terrible. I don’t think Jordan Love is the answer but they haven’t been helped by the injury bug. Pretty much all their best offensive players have been hurt at some point including Aaron Jones who is on one of my fantasy team and hasn’t really played a lot since the first week. Both teams somehow still have a great chance of making the playoffs. But I like the directions the Vikings are headed. Kirk takes the Vikings Higher and gets them to .500. Also, my son told me the other day that he likes Nickelback. I laughed because I thought he was joking. Is Nickelback cool now? Is that what the world has come to?

Vikings 31 Packers 17

Jersey Shore: NY Jets @ NY Giants…in New Jersey

The Jets and Giants share a field. To make things even better, that field is in New Jersey. Also, the field sucks and people always get hurt on it. Anyway, the Jets are coming off a bye but have been playing some great defense and some just good enough offense. Zach Wilson is played average at QB which is a huge improvement for him. On the other side, the Giants have been without Daniel Jones the last two weeks and have been drastically more competitive. Tyrod Taylor has filled in and led his team to an impressive 23 points of offense the last two weeks. That’s 23 points combined…not 23 points per game. And yes, it is still an improvement. But good offenses struggle against this Jets D so I don’t like the Giants offensive chances no matter who is playing QB. Assuming Zach Wilson continues to play average and doesn’t turn the ball over a bunch, the Jets should win this one pretty easily because the Giants are just awful.

Jets 23 Giants 10

Battle of the hair: Jaguars @ Steelers

This game is the battle of first round quarterbacks who need a hair cut. Trevor Lawrence has played solid since heading to London. They’ve come back and taken care of business against the Colts and Saints and are now in great position to win their division. The defense has been solid and the offense has a lot of weapons. I have Lawrence in one of my fantasy leagues and am highly annoyed by Travis Etienne who keeps scoring all the touchdowns. But the Jags have looked good, winning 4 in a row. The Steelers have stayed competitive, mostly due to their defense that continues to be a dominant force. But the offense hasn’t looked terrible the last couple of weeks either. The Steelers don’t need a lot of offense to win, they just need to be functional. Prior to the year, I was high on the Jags and thought the Steelers would make the playoffs. I think both still happen but I like the Jags in this one. Even on the road, I think the Jags are the clear better team all the way around. And let’s be honest, Lawrence has way better hair.

Jaguars 24 Steelers 20

The System QB vs Brock Purdy: Bengals @ 49ers

I know a lot of people are critical of Brock Purdy and say he is a system QB. And he has struggled the last two weeks. Brock is a bit limited and facing adversity for the first time in his career. But Burrow might also be a system QB. I think Burrow is solid but when has Burrow played and had success without an all star cast? At LSU he was throwing to Chase and Justin Jefferson. Now he is throwing to Chase, Higgins and Boyd. Not a tough life. Brock also has a ton of weapons and a very good defense. The defense didn’t look as dominant this past week though. Burrow and company are better than Kirk and the Vikings. Both these teams need this win. The Bengals have a tough schedule and dropping to 3-4 is not ideal. The 49ers obviously don’t want to lose 3 in a row. This should be a very good game. My prediction really comes down to which thing I can imagine more, the Bengals being 3-4 or the 49ers losing 3 in a row. Both are possible, but I’ll take the 49ers in a bounce back game.

49ers 30 Bengals 24

The quiet game: Chiefs @ Broncos

Most Sundays are filled with fun and joy as my family hangs out and watches football most of the day. Although secretly, neither my wife or I want the other person’s team to win, we play nice and cheer along and congratulate each other on the win. Well she congratulates me and I say “sorry your team lost, again.” But everyone is cordial and tries to enjoy the day together. But two weeks out of the football season, things are different. Her Broncos and My Chiefs play each other. This year, the combination of games come very close together. We already had a Thursday night game and now after one week off, we are back at it. Typically, this is the quietest Sunday of the year. Danielle and I sit on opposite sides of the couch and try not to cheer to loud when are team does well. This year, my Sister will be here for the awkwardness. Perhaps she can sit in the middle of the couch. After the game the winner tries to leave the loser alone and not brag to much. The next morning we wake up and everything is okay again. The good news is after this week we don’t have to worry about this again until 2024.

As far as the game goes, the Chiefs are one win away from beating the Broncos for an entire season. They have won 16 in a row. One more and it is a whole season of winning. I really thought the Broncos would be better this year. Not good, but better. But they are the same mess that they always are or at least have been since 2015. The Chiefs have dominated the division since then and Mahomes has only lost 3 division games. He is undefeated against the Broncos but the winning streak started even before him. I thought this would be the year that it ended. But I just don’t see it happening so we will have to wait until at least 2024 for the streak to end. Speaking of streaks, I read the following this morning. Mahomes is 12-0 against the Broncos. He is a ridiculous 16-0 against the division in road games. He is 25-0 against teams that are more than 2 games below .500. All streaks must come to an end. But not this week.

Chiefs 30 Broncos 17

Another NFL week is in the books and this one was especially fun since I got to go to the Mizzou game followed by the Chiefs game. For those of you who have never been to a Chiefs game, you really need to experience it. Tailgating and atmosphere pre game is top notch and it is the loudest stadium on the league and the Chiefs fans will fight you if you say otherwise. Anyway, I watched a little less football overall but I saw enough to give you my vastly important and definitely accurate rankings. Let’s dive in.

Barely didn’t lose: Panthers

They remain the only team not to win a game but not even they can lose on a bye so they have that going for them.

Terrible, just terrible: Giants, Raiders, Commanders, Packers

Giants are almost 2-0 the last two weeks but they have only scored 23 points in those games and it really has more to do with the other teams sucking then them playing well. The Commanders lost to the Giants which is terrible. The Raiders didn’t have their QB but the Bears were without Fields and they didn’t just lose they got demolished by a team who’s QB last starting game was a loss to Colorado School of the mines. I had high hopes for the Packers because everyone was saying they would be terrible. I hate it when I am wrong and the masses on social media are right but that is what has happened in Green Bay. Stupid Packers.

Showed a pulse but still terrible: Patriots, Bears, Broncos

These 3 teams won but I am confident they all still suck and will show that next week.

Hustle award: Cardinals

I keep wanting to move them to the terrible category but these pesky birds just keep showing up every week and competing with good teams. But they are 1-6. Once it becomes impossible for them to have a winning record, I’ll probably move them to the terrible category.

Suck…but I’m not sure why: Chargers

I know the Chargers coach is an idiot but still, they have a great roster and a good quarterback. Staley is a defensive coach and they have a talented defense but they can’t seem to stop anyone. Kellen Moore has not helped them score more points especially when it matters. I would assume they will fire Staley but they are the Chargers so who knows.

Someone is going to mess around and win 9 games and a divisional title: Jaguars, Colts, Texans, Titans, Saints, Bucs and Falcons

Jaguars have almost worked themselves out of this category so they will probably lose this week to the Steelers. Everyone else is okay but not good. Congrats to the Jags for being over half way to the 9 win total and the Falcons for almost being halfway there.

Where did that come from?: Vikings

The Vikings are 1-4 with Justin Jefferson. They are 2-0 without him. Sometimes things just don’t make sense. But the Vikings showed they can be a top team when they want to be. Now can they do that consistently?

Missing some parts: Rams, Jets, Cowboys, Seahawks

These teams are going to win some games and are competitive and will be in the playoff conversation for a while. The Cowboys will probably get in. But they all have flaws. Cowboys QB is limited, Jets QB is real limited, and the Rams just don’t have enough on defense. Seahawks are a solid team but don’t have enough to play with the top teams.

What is going on!!!: Bills

The Bills seemed like the best team in the league a few weeks ago when they smoked the Dolphins. Since then they should have lost to the Giants and did lose to the Patriots. I am not sure why or how they are 4-3 and 1-2 in their division. But I think they might be in trouble.

I hate this division but they are pretty good: Ravens, Bengals, Steelers and Elves

Ravens are legit but I am sure they will get hurt eventually. The Bengals started slow and have some tough games coming up that will either make them slip out of playoff contention or make them a legit contender. The Steelers and Elves have such great defenses and just enough offense to make them dangerous. If the Ravens can stay healthy they are the cream of the crop but that is a big if.

Humble Pie: Lions and Dolphins

Right after I complimented them last week both these teams laid an egg. The Lions got absolutely demolished by the Ravens and the Dolphins only scored one offensive td this week. They both have weak schedules ahead of them and they aren’t going anywhere but they still have something to prove that the belong in the top level of teams.

I don’t know if anyone is going to beat them…oh wait: 49ers

Every year we crown some team as the best in the league that no one can beat. This year it was the 49ers. But they have dropped 2 in a row. Whoops. Brock Purdy is a pretty good quarterback but hasn’t seemed to be able to handle the pressure and come from behind. They are still a really good team and I think they are in the same conversation as the Eagles and Chiefs but you can’t drop 2 in a row in be in the top group on Jeff Campbell’s rankings.

The best of the best: Eagles and Chiefs

I have said most of the year that the Eagles and 49ers are the top two teams. But this week the 9ers are out and the Eagles remain. The Chiefs join them after holding the Chargers to only 17 points including no points in the second half. The offense looked very good most of the game and just need to clean up the mistakes. Also, welcome back Mecole Hardman!

Check out this week’s 5 for Friday in a few days.

After going 5-0 in back to back weeks, I only went 3-2 this past week. This is what I get for picking the Chargers. This puts my season record at 24-7. Let’s see if I can bounce back this week. Even though there are 6 teams on bye there are some good games this week. Let’s dive in.

Battle of the crappy cities: Lions @ Ravens:

Lions and Ravens are both in first place leading their northern divisions. They are also both reside in pretty terrible cities. I know there are some nice areas around both before people start to get mad at me. But the actual Baltimore and Detroit cities are pretty rough. Speaking of being rough, lets talk about the life of a Lions fan. They last won a championship in 1957. Ouch. In the last 66 years they have made the playoffs 12 times. They have won exactly 1 playoff game. 1? 1 damn playoff game? How is that even possible. When you complain about your favorite sports team, just remember the Lions. The Ravens have had much more recent success. Their biggest problem is much like their city, their team is broken or will be soon. I call them the 49ers of the East because they have so many injuries. Typically all their running backs get hurt before week 5 and often before the season even starts. Except for their best running back, Lamar. He usually gets hurt later in the year. These two teams play tough defense have some good offensive weapons and seem to be trending in the right direction. Usually when I see evenly matched teams, I roll with the home team. But I am going with crazy Dan Campbell and boring Jared Goff in this one. The Lions bite the Ravens knee caps leading to more injuries and a Detroit victory.

Lions 23 Ravens 20

The Best of the Worst: Falcons @ Bucs

With the Saints loss last night, these two boring and average teams will battle it out for sole possession of this terrible division. The winner will have 4 wins and be nearly half way to the total needed to win the division. Neither team has been terrible and neither has been impressive. I am not at all excited about this one, but with 6 teams on bye, I got to write about something. Both these teams have some good players but are lacking at the QB position. Desmond Ridder hasn’t done anything to inspire confidence. Baker went from pretty good to slightly below average last week. This has low scoring fg fest written all over it. The Falcons like to run the ball and avoid throwing to Drake London and Kyle Pitts. The Bucs have to avoid running the ball because their running backs suck. Luckily, I’ll be tailgating with Chiefs Kingdom so I won’t have to watch much of this snooze fest. I don’t believe in either coach at all. I don’t really believe in either QB either so I’ll go with Baker who I have slightly more confidence in. How bad is your QB when I have more confidence in Baker? And the Bucs are at home. So fire up the stupid cannons or whatever.

Bucs 20 Falcons 13

The Glad I won’t be home game: Packers @ Broncos

As you know, my wife’s favorite team is the Broncos. My son’s favorite team is the Packers. I love my son very much but he is pretty awful to watch football games with. He gets very emotional and upset about things and will say “we are going to lose” 5 or 6 minutes into the game. He also is almost 15 and apparently in the last year has dramatically expanded his knowledge on all things because he seems to know everything about everything. Luckily for Danielle and I we get to reap the benefits of his new found knowledge as he is happy to tell us how much he is right and how wrong we are. Unfortunately, this new found knowledge of all things has not translated to the classroom according to his grades. He especially likes to talk down to my wife about football things. If you have met Danielle you know that one of her favorite things is to be corrected. She used to always call Ohio State, Ohio instead. I would say it’s Ohio State and she would say, thank you so much for pointing that out to me. I really appreciate it. In case my text isn’t clear, this is sarcasm. She hates being corrected. What she hates even more than being corrected is her 14 year old son telling her how things are which he does a lot in general but really likes to do during football games. To top things off, the Broncos have been terrible and her Sundays have been pretty miserable. So now her options are her team loses to her son’s team and he talks down to her about football or her team beats his team and he throws a fit about how the Packers suck, etc. It’s a lose, lose for her. Typically I play mediator in these scenarios which is another lose, lose situation. But I’ll be in arrowhead and oblivious to the whole thing. Anyway, I don’t think the Packers are very good but the Broncos are just a hot mess. Sean Payton was going to change all the things but they sure look a lot like last year’s team only the defense is worse. This game will likely go down to the wire to make the whole situation that much more miserable for the Danielle. I’m guessing the Broncos get up early so that most of the first half she gets to hear Walker talk about how his team sucks and everything sucks. And then in the second half the Packers come back just in time for Walker to explain football to her.

Packers 24 Broncos 20

Football Extravaganza Game 2: Chargers @ Chiefs

In case it isn’t abundantly clear yet, I am going to the Chiefs game on Sunday. For those of you who don’t know, I live in Colorado but flew into KC today. I must say that DIA is a complete disaster. I almost missed my flight because all the parking at the airport was full. How does this even happen? How can it always be full? Does no one ever leave? The signs told me to go to the Pikes Peak lot so I did. Once I arrived there I found out that it was also full. I definitely should have ubered to the airport. Then I had to find another lot. Once I got in there, I drove around for another 20 minutes finding a spot. I was just about to give up when I found a spot that was tight but I was able to squeeze into. Then I had to wait around for a shuttle. Luckily, I have Clear and was able to get through security quickly. The flight was delayed a little bit which was the first time I have ever been excited about my flight being delayed. Anyway, I made it but that is why this blog is coming out so late. We start our football extravaganza tomorrow as we head to the Mizzou game. It will be a day full of tailgating followed by the Mizzou game followed by more tailgating. Then my brother and I will wake up on Sunday and do it all over again at Arrowhead. Although I am a die hard fan, I have not been to Arrowhead since my senior year of high school. My brother said he hasn’t been there since Todd Blackledge was quarterback. We are both obviously excited to be there again and watch the greatness of Patrick Mahomes. We play the Chargers so people are predicting a close game. To be fair most of our games are close and pretty much all Chargers games are close. Patrick has only lost 3 division games as a starter which is just a ridiculous stat. But 2 of those have been against the Chargers. This will be a great test for our defense but I like our chances. We are do for a good offensive game. Plus Patrick is Patrick. Old Jeff before Patrick would assume we would lose because I worked so hard to get there and that is just my luck. But new Jeff (who is technically old) with Patrick believes we are always going to win. That used to be an odd feeling but now it is just the way it is and it is beautiful. The most common question I have gotten from people is are you excited to see Taylor Swift. One, we will not see her where we are sitting. And two, no, I don’t care about seeing Taylor Swift. I am really excited to see Patrick Mahomes play in person. I think they put on a show for us because Justin and I deserve it damn it. But regardless of the result it is going to be an awesome football extravaganza weekend!

Chiefs 31 Chargers 20

Tua, Tyreek and the Tush Push: Dolphins @ Eagles

Two of the best teams in the league will meet up for the Football Extravaganza night cap. These are two of the more fun teams to watch. Both teams have a lot of good players and both have good young coaches. Mike McDaniel is one of my favorite people in the sport. He is funny and smart an obvious nerd. He has the Dolphins rolling over bad teams. The problem is the one time they played a good team, they got rolled themselves. The Eagles lost their first game last week to the Jets. They haven’t looked great but you can tell all the pieces are there. The Eagles secondary is a little beat up which isn’t ideal when you are playing Tyreek. Tyreek is on pace for like 3 thousand yards receiving. However, the Dolphins D isn’t all that good so the Eagles should be able to score as well. There should be lots of offense in this one with a lot of explosive plays. But I think it comes down to the good old tush push that no one can stop or replicate. The Eagles bounce back from their loss and edge out the Dolphins in a fun and entertaining game. But Tyreek still gets a bunch of yards and Tua continues his streak of games without being concussed. I am sure it is due to the karate he learned in the offseason.

Eagles 34 Dolphins 28

Apparently baseball is still playing, hockey and basketball is about to start…but who cares because, Football!!! Week 6 is in the books. Here are this week’s rankings.

Probably won’t lose this week: Panthers

They are 0-6 but they can’t lose this week because they are on a bye, right? Right?

What’s worse than terrible?: Patriots, Broncos, Bears, Giants

Patriots lost to a terrible Raiders team who’s QB got hurt. Bears lost to a Vikings team without Justin Jefferson and now their QB is hurt. Broncos defense finally stopped someone but it didn’t matter because they were terrible offensively. My favorite part was when Sean Payton forgot what down it was and called timeout on 4th down so he could punt the ball to the Chiefs before the half and allow the the Chiefs to save their timeouts and go kick a field goal. The first 3 years I lived here all I heard was the Broncos had a great roster and they were just a QB away. Then they got a QB and they said the coach is terrible. We are just a coach away. Then the got Sean Payton and somehow they are worse. Tear it all down, Denver, tear it all down! Giants somehow played better without Daniel Jones but still couldn’t pull off the win against the Bills. They are a disaster.

Hustle Award: Cardinals

The Cardinals are terrible but I just can’t say negative things about them, yet. They played the Rams tough for a while. But it seems every week they get a little worse and lose by a little more.

.500 on paper but terrible in real life: Raiders, Commanders

Raiders play the Bears and the Commanders play the Giants. They are both about to be 4-3. They both absolutely suck. More losses are on the way, just not this week.

First to 9 wins the division: Texans, Colts, Jaguars, Titans, Saints, Falcons, Bucs

2 of the teams are going to win 9 games and win the division. Congrats to the Jags for being more than a 3rd of the way there.

2 win teams that I thought would be good but aren’t: Packers, Vikings

I guess I was wrong about the Packers. Too bad. The Vikings should be good, but they are not. They are worse without Jefferson. They play an angry 49ers team this week. Ouch.

Still have 1 more win than fans: Chargers

The Chargers don’t have a lot of fans but they had one overly excited fan that they showed over and over again during the Cowboys game. I know the Chargers suck but I want to be as excited about anything in life as she is about the Chargers.

Won a close game but still aren’t that good: Cowboys

Prior to this week, the Cowboys had blown people out or got blown out. They won a close game this week. But it was against the Chargers who always find a way to lose.

3 win teams that are a tough out: Rams, Jets, Seahawks

Rams have overperformed so far. They look very solid. They aren’t winning the division or super bowl or anything but they are pretty dang good. The Jets even with Zach Wilson look solid. They aren’t going anywhere. Seahawks aren’t great but they have enough weapons to play competitively with anyone.

ugh…I hate all these teams: Bengals, Steelers, Browns, Ravens

I don’t know who is going to win this division. I do know that it is the most unlikable division in football. The only people who like these teams are their loyal fans most of which are unlikable themselves. In fact, I think deep down they don’t even like themselves. Anyway, at least a couple of these teams are making the playoffs.

Okay…Fine, they are good: Lions, Dolphins

I am not a believer that either team can win it all. But part of being a good team is winning the games you are supposed to win. Both these teams do that week in and week out. Both have tough games this week which will tell us a little more about who they are.

Winning because of defense…just like we all expected: Bills, Chiefs

These two offensive juggernauts put up a whopping 19 and 14 points against two of the worst defenses in the league this past week. Both of these offenses have been up and down all season but their defenses have played admirable. They will figure out the offensive side and when they do…look out.

Gave the Stupid 72 Dolphins a reason to celebrate: Eagles and 49ers

Every year, when the last undefeated team loses, the 72 Dolphins get together and have a celebration. And anyone who knows me well, knows that I absolutely hate it. Look, am I happy when the Raiders lose sure. Did it bring me a little joy to see the Cardinals struggle in baseball this year? Of course. That is because I hate those teams. But in general I am not cheering against others success. But that is exactly what these old farts do. Now they are doing this less and less because a lot of them are dying. But they take so much joy in being the only undefeated team that they cheer against the rest of the teams for all of history. This is so stupid. First of all, The Patriots were 18-0 and they just lost the super bowl but still won one more game than them. Now you could match their 17-0 just during the regular season. You have to win 3 more games to match their stupid undefeated season. And they weren’t some juggernaut that year. They won the super bowl 14-7. I will cheer for the Chiefs over all things but if they played an undefeated team from the NFC in the Super Bowl, I would cheer for that team just to shut up these guys and put this whole “the only perfect team” thing to rest forever. But it won’t be this year because now everyone has a loss. Anyway, the Eagles and 49ers are still the best two teams in the league.

Check out 5 for Friday in a couple of days. It’s a good slate of games.

We are back with another round of 5 for Friday where I give you commentary and predictions for 5 games from this week’s slate. I’m 21-5 on the year and 10-0 the last two weeks so if you want to take me to Vegas, just let me know. Let’s jump in to this week’s game.

Snooze Fest: Ravens @ Titans in London

The NFL is in London for the 3rd week in a row. This time it is not the Jaguars though. Instead we get the never exciting Titans vs the occasionally exciting Ravens. Both these teams seem to begrudgingly win 8-11 games every year. Even when they aren’t good, wild card weekend rolls around and everyone is like these guys are in the playoffs? So I know you will be pumped to wake up early to catch this one. kick off is at 7:30 AM my time. Not only are these teams boring, I don’t really like them either. So am I going to get up on one of the two mornings I occasionally get to sleep in to watch a boring game between two teams I hate? Yes, yes I am. Why? Football that is why.

The Titans are averaging an exciting 17.6 points per game. Traveling usually makes teams a little sluggish so that is not going to help their cause much. Their stars are Ryan Tannehill, Derick Henry and Deandre Hopkins. If this was 2019, that would be one hell of a lineup. But it is 2023 and Henry is tired, Hopkins is pretty good and Tannehill is well…Tannehill. Anyone else remember when he played receiver at Texas A&M?

The Ravens got all of these new weapons, most of which are injured because they are the Ravens. OBJ has played about 13 snaps this year. Lamar is a better but still not a great passer and his team had 8 drops last week in a loss to the Steelers. The Titans have a good run defense and a terrible passing defense that in theory Lamar should be able to exploit. But this has FG fest written all over it.

So make sure to get up early, skip church and plop down on your couch to watch these two unlikable teams play in an ugly, low scoring slugfest. Or you can hit snooze a bunch to avoid the snooze fest. This will likely come down to a FG. I don’t know who the Titans kicker is, but I am sure they suck. They always do. The Ravens have Justin Tucker.

Ravens 16 Titans 13

It’s My House! I must protect it: Seahawks @ Bengals

Kevin and the Bengals had a must win game last week against the Cardinals and they delivered. But this is sort of a must win game too. They have a bye followed by 49ers and Bills. And the schedule doesn’t get easy after that. It’s an uphill battle and 2-4 might be too big of a hole for them to dig out of even with Kevin McCallister looking like himself again. Seattle has looked solid after a week 1 dud. But their last 3 weeks are also Carolina, the Giants and a bye week. Seattle is 3rd in giving up the most passing yards and Jamaar Chase is always f’ing open. I know because I played against him in fantasy last week. I am not a strong believer in either of these teams at this point. I actually like most of the Seahawks players but don’t really like Pete Carrol. I am not a big fan of people who chew their gum in an extreme fashion. As you all know, I am not a fan at all of the Bengals. Typically I have sympathy for teams that never win anything but the Bengals have proven to break that trend by beating the Chiefs a few times and having the cockiest group of players that I have seen in a long time. I don’t mean just cocky but it is sort of a cocky plus lack of respect/admiration of those who came before them. They are arrogant little buggers. But mostly I just hate them because they beat the Chiefs. I think this should be a good game with evenly matched teams. Since it is pretty even I’ll take the better QB and the team more desperate for a win. Burrow sets enough traps for the Seahawks to get tripped up on and seals the deal with snow “shovel” pass to Chase for the knock out.

Bengals 34 Seahawks 28

Uncle Rico vs Sunshine: Colts @ Jaguars

The Jaguars were 2-0 in London. Oddly they are 0-2 in Jacksonville. They just beat the Bills and it looks like they are starting to put things together. This seems like the perfect trap game that teams like the Jags always fall into. I think the Jags have a lot of talent and I was high on them coming into the season but I still think they are going to have some more growing pains. Now Gardner Minshew comes into town. Gardner is an odd character. I am pretty sure he lives in a trailer in the woods or something. He is a wanderer. He is also who Trevor Lawrence replaced. Gardner got his start with the Jags after playing with Mike Leach in college. And he is the perfect QB to play for Leach (RIP). Also Mike Leach was amazing. Now Gardner is leading the Colts because Anthony Richardson got hurt…again. This is a revenge game for Gardner. Both teams are 3-2 and the winner is going to be in the lead in the AFC South and will likely be nearly half way to the win total needed to win the division. Jonathan Taylor is back. Zach Moss is running great. The Colts look like a real football team which is great for them but I personally miss Jeff Saturday as their coach as it made for much better commentary. Anyway, I think this is a back and forth battle. The Colts get the ball last and Gardner Minshew throws one over the mountain uncle rico style for the game winning touchdown.

Colts 26 Jags 20

Battle of QBs no one wanted: Lions @ Bucs

The Lions and Bucs are a combined 7-2 entering week 6 just like we all expected. I know there were those who thought the Lions would be good and predicted them to win the division. But those people didn’t really believe it. I mean, they are the lions after all. The Bucs play in the South and have beat the Saints, Bears and Vikings so not overly impressive but it is still 2 more wins than I thought they would have. Somehow this team is better with Baker Mayfield then they were with Tom Brady. Jared Goff continues to play solid football despite my mockery. He has good weapons around him. Both teams have solid identities and seem to know who and what they are.

Both Goff and Baker got dumped by the teams that drafted them. Goff led the Rams to the super bowl and got dumped 2 years later. Baker led the Elves to their first playoff win since Bernie Kosar was their quarterback and they booted him too. Then he went to the Panthers who are just awful and he couldn’t get playing time so they shipped him off to the Rams. Baker is like that friend you have that is really fun to hang out with a couple of times a year but anything past that he drives you crazy and you begin to hate him. But the Bucs haven’t gotten to that stage yet. Don’t worry, they will. Goff on the other hand is the quiet friend who doesn’t say much and then he pipes up and says something really insightful but you can’t take that information because the whole time you are trying to figure out if your quiet friend has been there the whole time or if he just showed up. Both defenses are good. It feels like the Bucs are due to for a let down. The Lions are always due for a let down. Bottom line, I think the Lions are actually good and I think the Bucs still have Todd Bowles as their head coach.

Lions 31 Bucs 20

The Hype Game: Cowboys @ Chargers but really Chargers @ Cowboys even though it is in LA.

There are 2 offseason certainties. First, the Cowboys will be hyped up as super bowl contenders. Secondly, the Chargers are always hyped to beat the Chiefs and win the division. We hear all about how good the rosters are. We hear all about all the weapons. We hear about how Justin Herbert is this incredible Quarterback. We hear about how Dak isn’t as terrible as we think he is. All we hear is good things.

Then the season starts. The Chargers lose games they shouldn’t lose. The Cowboys get blown out by any team with a pulse. But anytime either team wins all the praise comes pouring back in. The Chargers actually should be good but I don’t think Herbert is overly clutch and I think they have one of the worst coaches in the league. The Cowboys have an average QB and a coach that was good 15 years ago. Both these teams know how to disappoint. Despite all the talent, they haven’t won a super bowl since the 1995 season. The Chargers haven’t won a championship since forever and have only made one super bowl in their history. To pour salt on their wound they don’t even have a home crowd. On a good day, it is 50/50. Most games they have less fans than the opposing team. This will be one of those games.

This is a tough game to predict. The Cowboys only get blown out or blow people out. The Chargers only play close games. It really comes down to whoever has the ball last. But not like you would think. You remember the 13 second game? Perhaps the greatest game in recent history? I was watching that game and the whole time Mahomes and Allen were playing so incredible you just knew whoever got the ball last would win. Well this is sort of the opposite. If the Chargers have the ball last you know their coach is going to do something dumb to cost them the game. If the cowboys have the ball last, you know Dak is going to do something dumb and lose it for the Cowboys. So really it is a coin flip. So here is what happens. The Chargers are up 3. They have the ball at their own 40 with a minute to go. The Cowboys are out of timeouts. It’s 4th and 2. Instead of kicking it away, their dumb coach decides to go for it and they don’t make it. Dak leads them down the field and then throws an interception at the 10 yard line. There is your script for Monday night. You’re welcome NFL.

Chargers 31 Cowboys 28

Another NFL week is in the books. Lots of good games this week, I watched at least 30 seconds of each game which gives me the expertise to rank teams every week. Let’s jump in.

What’s worse than terrible?: Panthers, Patriots, Giants

The Panthers remain the league’s only winless team and there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight. They do have a bye in two weeks so they probably won’t lose that week. The Patriots have been outscored 72-3 the last two weeks. The Giants have yet to score an offensive touchdown in the first half of a game.

Terrible, just terrible: Bears, Broncos, the team in DC

The Bears lost 14 games in a row going back to last year until their win on Thursday night. Fields looks better against bad defenses but I am far from thinking he is good and their defense is awful. The Commanders almost beat the Eagles but then lost at home to the Bears. They have a defensive head coach but can’t stop anyone. The Broncos continue to ruin my wife’s Sunday every week. They give her just a slither of hope each game and then it quickly gets taken away. The good news is they won’t lose this Sunday because they are going to do that on Thursday instead.

Team I forgot about last week that sucks: Packers

I left the Packers off last week on accident. No one cared or noticed. I wish I didn’t have to talk about them this week. They are not good. I wanted to believe but if you can’t beat the Raiders, who can you beat. Hopefully the bye week helps them get on track.

Raiders gonna Raider: Raiders

They won this week and are now 2-3 but really should have lost but Jordan Love gave them the ball a bunch. They could be 3-3 because they play the Patriots this week. Man, sometimes it is just about who you get to play.

The hustle award: Cardinals

These guys show up every week and put up a fight despite not really having anything going for them. If there was a participation trophy, I’d hand it to them first. I got the hustle award in high school for basketball. This is the award that goes to the player that isn’t a great scorer but runs around a lot and does their best. I see you Cards, and I appreciate you.

Best 1-4 team in the league: Vikings

The Vikings were 11-0 last year in one score games. This year they are 1-4 in those same games. But hey, their Quarterback is a really nice guy. Oh and also they just lost their best player for multiple weeks.

Did they figure it out? Verdict is still out: Jets and Bengals

The Jets have played well in back to back weeks. Is Zach Wilson getting better? Are they figuring it out? The Bengals beat up a scrappy but bad Cardinals team so I am not ready to throw the Bengals towards the top of the list. Their next 4 weeks are Seahawks, bye week, 49ers and Bills. Let’s see how they look after that.

America’s Paper Team: Cowboys

Everyone was singing their praises until they lost to the Cards. Then they beat up on a terrible Patriots team and we are ready to put them in the same category as the Eagles and 49ers??? They suck.

First to 9…wins: Texans, Colts, Titans, Jaguars, Saints, Falcons and Bucs

two of these teams are going to win 9 games and win the division. Congrats to the Bucs, Saints, Falcons, Colts and Jaguars for being a 3rd of the way there.

Best 2-3 team in the league: Rams

The Rams have some good players and a solid coach. They would probably win the NFC South. But unfortunately for them, they play in the NFC West.

Probably going to lose the division title to the Bengals: Steelers, Ravens and Elves

All 3 have had an early opportunity stake their claim with the Bengals struggling. They have all failed to do so. Two of the 3 have beat the Bengals but the Steelers have beat those two. Any of these teams could win the division. But I still think the only one that could win a playoff game is the Bengals.

Didn’t find a way to lose this week: Chargers

They were on a bye.

I forgot them last week and no one noticed: Lions

Look the Lions look good and I think they will be a tough out all year long. I was wrong about them. But they are still the Lions which is why no one is taking them too seriously and I forgot about them.

Seem really good right now because they had a bye and played the Giants the week before: Seahawks

I don’t remember them not being good so we will put them here in the rankings.

Scoring a hell of a lot of points against bad teams: Dolphins

They are really fun to watch play these bad teams. They do not mess around and they have a lot of fast dudes. We will see what happens when the competition gets tougher, but they play the Panthers this week, so look for another fun 50 plus from them.

Can’t have nice things: Bills

What’d I tell ya? One week after a dominating win against the “unstoppable” Dolphins they turn around and lose to the Jags in London. I feel sorry for Bills fans, I really do.

Can’t beat us, the swifties, and the refs!: Chiefs

Everyone hates us. I’d hate us too. You know what I hate more than the refs helping us win? Losing. Oh and on a side note, our defense hasn’t given up more than 20 points in a game this year and you know our offense is going to figure it out eventually. Good luck, everyone.

Beating everybody and haven’t figured it out yet: Eagles

They don’t look good but they still look better than everyone but the 49ers.

Enjoying being the best until everyone gets hurt: 49ers

It’s inevitable. It’s only a matter of time before the injuries pile up. But today the 49ers look like they are better than everyone else.

Tune in on Friday for 5 for Friday. I’ve gone 5-0 in back to back weeks! This past week I didn’t even need Taylor Swift’s help.

Well thanks to my girl, Tay Tay, I went 5-0 last week and am now 15-5 on the year. Lets see if I can keep it rolling on 5 for Friday on week 5. That’s a lot of fives.

London Bills are falling down: Jaguars @ Bills in London

You may have not been up early enough to watch the Jags beat the Falcons last week. And unless you have ESPN Plus you couldn’t watch it all. Or so I thought. Then I stumbled upon the reality that I could watch it on Disney Plus only instead of a normal looking game, it was toy story style in Andy’s room. It was actually quite fun and is now my daughter’s and my sister’s preferred way to watch football. The Jaguars basically want to be in London and if you have ever been to Jacksonville, you know why. Their fan base is not overly supportive but to be fair to the people in Jacksonville, their team has sucked the majority of their existence. The Jags have underachieved so far and Trevor Lawrence has not performed well. It seems like he doesn’t even care about my fantasy team. Meanwhile, since the week 1 debacle, the Bills have looked like the best team in the AFC especially after dominating the Dolphins last week. Now Von Miller is coming back so they should be even better defensively. Everything is headed in the right direction. But as I always say, the Bills can’t have nice things. The Jags have spent the last two weeks in London hanging out with my nephew so they will be more rested and come out and play their best game. The Bills do what they always do when the have success. Quickly throw it away.

Jags 30 Bills 24

Home Alone vs No one’s home: Bengals @ Cardinals

There will be a quarterback who is playing really well in the Cardinals stadium this week. His name of course is Joshua Dobbs just like we all suspected. The Cardinals might not have many fans in the stands or good players or an owner that cares about winning or a coach with any experience. But they are scrappy. I remember one time I did something to piss off my brother when he was in college and I was like a freshman in high school. He was at his physical peak. 6’4, 220 working out every day for football. He was a kicker in college and in fact I think what I did to piss him off was make fun of him for being a kicker but I am not quite sure. Anyway, we were at my grandma’s house and then we got home and right as I walk in he turns around throws me up against the wall and says what’s your problem. I was the same height I am now, but weighed 120 pounds if my clothes were soaking wet. How much I weigh now is not important and we don’t need to talk about it. Anyway, I should have shuddered at this giant. But instead I looked at him and said, I don’t have a problem, what’s your problem. He then asked if I wanted to take it outside to solve things. I again should have said, “nah, I’m good.” But instead I said something dumb like “Let’s do it.” We went into the front yard and he begin to toss me around like a rag doll. I didn’t cry and I also didn’t stay down. I just kept getting back up for no apparent reason even though I knew I was just going to get my ass kicked some more. By the time we finally stopped, my brother was cheering me on. That is how I feel about the Cardinals. I think they know they suck and they don’t care. They just go out there and play scrappy football and keep getting back up each week. And honestly, you sort of start cheering for them. I mean, not the crowd because no one is actually at the game but at home on my couch, I’m like you go cards.

The Bengals on the other hand have a ton of talent. They have arguably the best trio of wide receivers in the league. A good defense and other good players all around. I get that Macualay Culkin is hurt. He is playing through injury but he is not playing well. This week he said this is a must win game. You think. The Bengals need this win. Losing to the Cardinals is bad, going to 1-4 is worse. My gut is saying the Cards get the win but I can’t imagine a world where a Josh Dobbs led Cardinals team has a better record than a Joe Burrow led Bengals team. I’m going Bengals here but it will bring me much joy if the Cardinals win.

Bengals 20- Cardinals 17

Can they Hackett: Jets @ Broncos

The Broncos were a disaster last year with the Russ and Hackett show. It was a bumpy “ride” that ended with the firing of Hackett. Sean Payton said some mean things about everyone when he talked about the team before the season started. Rodgers and others came to Hackett’s defense. Payton then tried to pull back from his comments but it was too late. Payton then proceeded to go 1-3 in the first 4 games and give up 70 points in a game. While the offense does look better than last year, the defense looks significantly worse. Like bottom of the league worse. And even the offense has some of the same issues. Holding penalties, delay of games, etc. Here is the reality of the Broncos that I have been saying since everyone in the Denver media blamed everything on Drew Lock. Drew wasn’t that good but neither is the rest of the roster. Since Peyton Manning retired all I heard was they just need a QB. They were a QB away. Then they got their QB and then they said, we are just a Coach away. The reality is they are really a receiver, 2 or 3 offensive linemen, 2 linebackers, a corner, a defensive end, a safety and a kicker away from success.

The Jets on the other hand I think are actually a quarterback away. Well maybe a quarterback and a couple of offensive linemen away. They had the quarterback but because they are the Jets, he got hurt on the 4th play of the year. Zach Wilson finally played well but can he do it two games in a row? No better place to do it than against the Denver D. I am sure both teams will be motivated to win on top of not wanting to drop to 1-4. I don’t really have confidence in either offense but I know the Jets can stop people and I know the Broncos can’t.

Jets 27 Broncos 17

Cross it off the list!: Chiefs @ Vikings

I actually am concerned about this game. The Vikings are very close to being 3-1 instead of 1-3. They have the best receiver in the game and solid other offensive players. Our defense has looked good but just got carved up by Zach Wilson. Our offense on the other hand has not looked great except against the Bears but everyone’s offense looks great against the Bears. Mahomes said this week if he plays better than everyone will play better. It seems Mahomes is a little mad at himself. The only thing better than Mahomes is pissed off Mahomes. The Vikings must win this game so I think they will throw everything at the Chiefs to try and win. This will be the biggest test our D has faced. But if we win, Andy moves into sole possession of number 4 on the list of career wins. And if we win Mahomes will have beaten all other 31 teams. I am sure he will be the fastest or youngest player to do that or whatever, just like everything else he does. So this is the Cross it off the list game. Also, I have not heard any news of Taylor Swift attending which will make some people very happy and some people very sad. Just like Taylor Swift in general. This will be a close one and we all know how those games go for the Vikings.

Chiefs 34 Vikings 31

The we were great when you were a kid game: Cowboys @ 49ers

Growing up in the 80s and 90s there were a lot of good football teams but there were two dominant teams, the 49ers in the 80s and the Cowboys in the 90s. Although the 49ers were also good in the 90s and won a super bowl. But these two teams were the standard. Then came Brady and Peyton and the AFC became the show for the most part. But in a lot of ways the Cowboys and 49ers have become more unlikable without the success because their fans like to live in the past and act like these franchises are still the cream of the crop despite the fact that I was in high school the last time either of these teams won a championship.

To be fair to the 49ers they have at least been to a couple of super bowls and won some playoff games. The Cowboys since their last super bowl win have gone 5-12 in playoff games. Not good. Both of these teams have very good defenses. The difference is the 49ers also have a really good offense. The Cowboys get talked about because they are the Cowboys. The 49ers get talked about because they are good. The 49ers might be the best team in the league right now. Meanwhile, the Cowboys lost to the Cardinals. To the disappointment of Skip Bayless the 49ers will win easily and he will spend his Monday talking about 4 bad throws Patrick Mahomes has made over his career.

49ers 31 Cowboys 20

Another week is in the books of the NFL as we head into week 5. Apparently, MLB is in the playoffs right now. I wouldn’t know because my team was mathematically eliminated in early June. Luckily my football team is real good. Let’s get into this week’s rankings.

Terrible, just Terrible: Bears, Panthers, Broncos, Giants, Patriots

Broncos won but barely and they are still just 1 week away from giving up 70 points so they stay in the worst category for now. Panthers can’t beat anyone. Bears are worse than the Panthers. Patriots have no offense and the Giants just gave up 11 sacks and are just awful.

Raiders gonna Raider: Raiders

Despite giving up 6 sacks to one guy, they still had a shot to win at the end. They did not. Josh McDaniels continues on his path to becoming the worst head coach in NFL history.

Not good, but scrappy: Cardinals and Jets

Jets defense is real good. If Zach Wilson plays like he did on Sunday night, they could move up the rankings. I am confident he will not, though. Cardinals are not good at all but somehow play everyone tough. Good for them.

First to 9, wins: Titans, Colts, Jaguars, Texans, Falcons, Saints and Bucs

These teams are competing to win 9 games so they can win their divisions. Congrats to the Bucs for being a third of the way there.

I think these teams might actually really suck: Vikings and Bengals

I’ve been making a lot of excuses for both these teams because on paper they are talented but after the Vikings barely beat the Panthers and the Bengals got crushed by the Titans, I think they just aren’t that good. They have this week to prove me wrong otherwise they will be headed towards the Terrible category.

Lucky to be .500: Rams, Elves, Steelers, Chargers and the Washington whatever their names are

Chargers are the best of the bunch and they should have lost the last two games because their coach is an idiot. Everyone else looks competitive one week and hot garbage the next. Apparently according the Elves head coach, Massage Boy was cleared to play on Sunday but choose not to. So things are going well in Cleveland as always.

3-1 but no one cares: Ravens and Seahawks

Both these teams are quietly 3-1. They have never looked great or terrible. No one is really talking about them because they know the Seahawks can’t hang with the top NFC teams and the Ravens will eventually run out of players.

Real Good when the other team gives them the ball a lot: Cowboys

Cowboys D is real good and very opportunistic. Their offense is, eh.

Scored 70 and then turned around and gave up 50: Dolphins

Okay, it was 48, but still. Dolphins are good but they are going to have to figure out how to beat the Bills at some point. They are like 1-9 in their last 10 against them.

Refs helped us win and I don’t care: Chiefs

I disagree that it was a bad call. I do agree that they had not been calling it all night. This is the problem in the NFL right now. They get feedback that all the penalties are making viewership disgruntled so they are calling things less but then it gets crunch time and they feel like they have to call it. It’s the inconsistency that is the problem. Also, there were bad calls on both sides. The safety shouldn’t have been a safety, the horse collar penalty shouldn’t have been a horse collar penalty. I am sure they missed holding penalties on both sides. Such is life. My team won so I don’t care.

Real good when their QB throws to the right team: Bills

Bills are a very good football team. Josh Allen is a good quarterback. Sometimes he gets a little too aggressive and makes dumb decisions. When he doesn’t do that, they win 48-20.

Crash course towards the NFC Championship: 49ers and Eagles

49ers look great and are 4-0. The Eagles don’t look like they have figured it out yet. They are also 4-0. Barring injury, these two teams will play to see who loses in the Super Bowl.

Tune in Friday for 5 for Friday. T-Swift and I were 5-0 last week.

Taylor Swift was at a football game. O…M…G!!! And she is going to be at another football game this week. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! Look I’m no Taylor Swift hater but I think we can all admit this is a little ridiculous. I get that she is insanely popular and some people who wouldn’t watch the game will now watch the game, yada yada yada. But really that is all this is. A famous person watching a football game. Its crazy to me how much coverage this whole thing is getting. My family fantasy football chat has seen more activity than ever before over this silly thing. Some people love it. Some people hate it. I honestly just find the whole thing ridiculously funny. But guess what not only will Taylor Swift be at a football game this weekend, but also there will be 28 teams playing in 14 games on Sunday. Crazy, right? Because no one is talking about that. But if you can’t beat them, join them. So here is a 5 for Friday dedicated to Tay Tay. Perhaps, focusing on her will increase my readership the way it has increased Travis Kelce’s jersey sales. Let’s dive in.

Shake it Off: Broncos @ Bears

These two teams are really struggling this year as they are a combined 0-6. Last week they lost by a combined 111-30 and it could have been a lot worse. Sure they played two of the top teams in the league but their other losses are to the Raiders, Commanders, Packers and Bucs. Not exactly a gauntlet of teams. I am not sure what is going on with them. Maybe they have been staying out too late or have nothing in their brains. At least that’s what people say. Anyway, I think this really comes down to Justin Fields. He has certainly been missing a beat and doesn’t seem to have that same lightning on his feet. I don’t want to hate, hate, hate…but this Broncos D is terrible. If Fields can’t get it going this week at home then Bears fans hearts are going to break, break, break. On the other side, the Bears D is equally bad. Russ hasn’t exactly been cooking but he hasn’t been terrible. Certainly this should be an opportunity for their offense to get grooving…maybe even cruising. Both of these teams had high hopes that have quickly been crushed and both are coming off embarrassing losses. We know no matter what the players are going to play, play, play but ultimately whichever team can shake it off will win this game.

Broncos 27 Bears 20

Bad Blood: Ravens @ Elves

A lot of teams in the NFL have Bad Blood but none is as unique as the Ravens and the Elves. You see the Ravens are actually the Browns. The franchise moved from Cleveland to Baltimore in 1996. Not only did they move, they also won a Super Bowl 5 years later. Something they were never able to do in Cleveland. A new team became the Browns in 1999, just in time to watch the Ravens win the Super Bowl. The league and teams decided that the new Browns would get to retain the history of the previous Browns in effect making the Ravens the new team. Most of the history is awful from 1960 on so I am sure the Ravens weren’t too upset about it. I think you can see now that they got problems and I don’t they can solve ’em. This move made a really deep cut in Cleveland so now they have bad blood. The Ravens by winning two super bowls since moving while Cleveland has won one playoff game in the same time period certainly rubs it in deep. Basically Salt in the wound like Baltimore laughing right at Cleveland. But to be fair, everyone laughs at Cleveland. But these kind of wounds last and last. After all band aids don’t fix bullet holes. This game should be an interesting one. Lamar was supposed to be a passing machine with a new OC and all these new weapons. Spoiler alert…he is not. The Browns were hoping that massage boy would be back to his old form…spoiler alert he is not. At one point last week he chucked a pass backwards to avoid a sack and turned an 8 yard loss into a 20 yard loss. These teams both have defenses playing well and offenses a bit on the struggle bus. They are both rather unlikable like the rest of the AFC North and of course they don’t like each other. The Ravens squeak out a win with a long Justin Tucker kick after the Elves do something dumb. And Cleveland has to continue to live with ghosts.

Ravens 23 Elves 20

Trouble When You Walked In: Dolphins @ Bills

The Dolphins and Bills are two of the top teams in the league. The Bills after a week 1 dud, have looked every bit of a Super Bowl Contender. The Dolphins just took fans to places they have never been by putting up 70 points. Both fan bases are currently falling hard for their teams with super bowl aspirations. But deep down, the same fans know that these teams are trouble, trouble, trouble. Why, you might ask? Let’s take a trip down memory lane. I remember as a young boy loving the Dolphins. They were my second AFC team. I was 5 years old and they had a Dolphin on their helmets. Dolphins are cool to 44 year old me and super cool to 5 year old me. They also had a young quarterback destined for stardom. His name was Dan Marino. He threw for 5,000 yards before it was common to throw for 5,000 yards. In just his second year, he led his team to the Super Bowl and even though he lost, Dolphins fans knew the future was bright. The next year they were the only team to beat the Chicago Bears. A rematch was set for the Super Bowl but in a rainy day in New England, the Dolphins couldn’t overcome the weather and the Patriots for some reason. They then went 4 years without making it to the playoffs. In 92 they lost the conference championship to the Bills. They haven’t been back since and haven’t won a playoff game since 2000. It’s been a brutal team to be a fan of. What’s worse than that? I don’t know, how about losing 4 Super Bowls in a row including the first one by one point where your kicker had a shot to win it and missed wide right. Then they got blown out the next 3 years. After many years of being terrible, the Bills have brought trouble to their fans again. The Bills with the help from Josh Allen have helped their team become a contender getting so close…even 13 seconds close to that elusive super bowl but they always fall short.

But here we are again. Their fans know they are trouble when they walk in…to the stadium. One of these teams is going to lose on Sunday but both of these teams will find a way to break the hearts of their fans. As the post season nears the saddest fear will come creeping in. Their seasons will end in some heartbreaking fashion, leaving their fans to say shame on me. And after taking their fans to places they have never been, they will be left lying on the cold hard floor…starting this week for the Dolphins. Teams that score 60 or more points are 1-6 the following week. I think both teams are really good but the Buffalo D does enough to win this game assuming Josh Allen doesn’t throw the ball to the wrong team 3 or 4 teams.

Bills 30 Dolphins 24

Blank Space: Raiders @ (sort of) Chargers (I mean are the Chargers ever really the home team?)

This is the perfect song for this game and not just because there will be a lot of blank spaces known as empty seats. This song I believe is about a rocky new relationship, don’t hold me too that. These teams are both accustomed to new relationships as they recently relocated. The Chargers actually started in LA and were there for like a year before moving to San Diego where they remained until a few years ago. They then got mad because the city didn’t want to pay for a new stadium so they moved to LA to play second fiddle to the Rams and share a stadium. Literally every home game is a road game because the other team has more fans at it.

The Raiders were in Oakland and then moved to LA and then back to Oakland and now are in Vegas. They have a cool new stadium and everyone wants to go to Vegas so their stadium is also filled with other team’s fans. So the question is how long will either of these teams stay where they are? Is it gonna be forever? Or is it going to go down in flames? I guess they will tell us when it is over but one thing is for sure the high is not worth the pain with these two because there isn’t much of a high. The Raiders haven’t won anything significant in over 20 years. The Chargers haven’t won anything significant ever. If you want to see a blank space, check out the Chargers trophy room. You can write your name because there isn’t anything else there.

As far as this game goes, these might be the two worst coaches in football. Josh McDaniels has a long list of ex players that will tell you he is insane. Rumor has it at that some players are already starting to revolt. He already destroyed one football team and is quickly working on another. Brandon Staley is young and reckless but that doesn’t take the Chargers too far. He is supposed to be a defensive mastermind but their defense sucks and he makes horrible in game decisions. This is a tough game to pick. The Chargers have the far superior roster but that is the case about every week and they still find ways to lose. But the Raiders are such a hot mess that I can’t bring myself to pick them. Regardless both team’s fanbases will be drunk on jealousy when the Chiefs win the division…again.

Chargers 24 Raiders 17

Love Story: Chiefs @ Jets

Hey did you guys know that Taylor Swift is going to a football game on Sunday in New York? Well actually it is New Jersey. That is how much she likes Travis Kelce. She is willing to go to New Jersey. Did you guys know that they might be dating? It’s a whole thing. A true love story happening at the same time that the Chiefs play the New Jersey Jets. But did you know there is another love story going on. It’s my love story. I wrote a little song about it.

We were both young when I first saw him…okay well he was young and I was younger than I am now.

I close my eyes and the flashback starts.

I was sitting there on the patio of Buffalo Wild Wings in the summer air (technically it wasn’t fall yet).

He made his way through a crowd of Charger defenders and said hello to the NFL.

Little did I know that you were Mahomes, you were throwing touchdowns.

And my family said, don’t get your hopes up

and I was crying in my chair

begging you, please be true and I said…

Hey Mahomes take me somewhere like the super bowl

I’ll be waiting all there’s left to do is win

You’ll be the QB and I’ll be the obsessed fan

It’s a love story, QB, just say yes

And you know what he did. This is has been the single greatest run of any of my favorite teams. To be fair, that isn’t an incredible accomplishment. After all, my teams are the Chiefs, Royals and Mizzou. But this run has been incredible. It is what I dreamed of as a kid. It’s what I envied from other franchises. After decades of becoming a bitter fan, Patrick came and broke down all those bitter walls and gave me pure joy. If you are not a Chiefs fan, you probably think I am silly but if you are a Chiefs fan you may not admit it but deep down you feel the same way. Is Pat going to be the greatest ever? I don’t know. It will be tough to catch Tom Brady. But he is the most Jordan like figure I have ever seen in a team sport. I don’t know if Jordan is the greatest. What I do know is that everyone tuned in when he played because you never knew what he might do. The same is true of Pat. Every Sunday I get to watch the best player in the league lead my favorite team to glory. So while many of you will be tuning in to see what Taylor Swift is wearing and others will create drinking games based upon how many times Chris Collingsworth mentions her or the camera shows her, I’ll be tuning in to watch my all time favorite player do amazing things for my all time favorite team. (side note, I need to create a drinking game for Sunday night’s game).

Oh yeah and also the Chiefs are going to win. Zach Wilson is garbage and their O-Line is not good. And the Chiefs are good.

Chiefs 31 Jets 13

I know most of the news is about Taylor Swift yelling “let’s f’ing go” at the Chiefs game and walking down a hallway next to Travis after the game but there were also a bunch of football games this weekend. Week 3 is in the books and we continue to learn a little more about where teams stand. Looking forward to seeing how Thursday night and the games over the weekend shake out but for now, here are the rankings for this week. Rankings are from Worst to First.

Gave up 70 Freaking Points!!!: Denver Broncos

Perhaps Sean Payton should have kept his mouth shut and not did so much smack talking on Nathaniel Hackett and the previous regime. They were terrible, no doubt but you know what they never did…give up 70 freaking points! In fact no one had given up 70 points since 1966. And it could have been worse. This team is a disaster but still has a great chance to be 2-3 heading into a Thursday night game against the Chiefs in week 6. If they can’t beat the Bears and the Jets then they got even more problems than we think.

Ended hype train by losing to a team that isn’t trying: Cowboys

The Cowboys are better than many of the teams listed ahead of them but they pay the price for losing to a team that from a front office perspective at least, isn’t trying and also for getting me knocked out of a Survival league. This is their one week punishment. The good news is we don’t have to listen to all the commentators talk about how they are the best football team in the league this week.

Teams that are still terrible: Bears, Cardinals, Panthers, Jets, Raiders, Giants

The Cardinals one win doesn’t get them out of this category. Panthers still suck with Andy Dalton playing. Jets o-line and quarterback are both garbage. I don’t know how much longer they can waste this talented football team by running Zach Wilson out there. Justin Fields is terrible at playing quarterback. He’s not even a good fantasy quarterback anymore. Giants had a good year last year but look just awful so far. Raiders have one win over a team that just gave up 70. They can’t run the ball at all and Jimmy G is not good and McDaniels is worse. But they don’t have any money so they are stuck with him. It’s glorious.

Somebody is going to mess around and win 9 games and a division title: Saints, Bucs, Falcons, Titans, Texans, Jaguars, Colts

Two of these teams are going to win their division. I don’t know which ones and I don’t think it matters.

Boring but better than these other teams I guess: Patriots

I get bored even thinking about writing something about them.

Showed their true colors: Commanders

Washington had barely beat a team that isn’t trying and team that just gave up 70 points. Once faced with a good opponent they lost by 34. The EB offense was not clicking this week.

Best 0-3 Team Ever?: Vikings

The Vikings were 11-0 last year in 1 score games. This year they are 0-3. They also have lost 7 fumbles. Cousins is a really nice guy but made a lot of bad decisions this week. I guess nice guys really do finish last.

Need a new coach: Chargers

The Chargers won despite questionable play calling. If the Chargers had been playing anybody but the other team who always finds a way to lose, they would be 0-3. Why their coach chose to go for it on 4th and 1 from their own 24 while up 4 points is beyond me. Kick that sucker away and make them drive the length of the field. Also, if you are going to go for it, why are you handing off to the guy who hadn’t gained a yard all game. Trust me…I know, Josh Kelly is on my fantasy team (but not for long).

Battling for second place in the NFC West: Rams and Seahawks

These teams are both…okay. They will be competitive most weeks and might even make the playoffs. Neither are anywhere close to being as good as the 49ers.

Don’t Burrow them yet: Bengals

The stupid Bengals showed some life last night and beat the Rams. They now head to the Titans and then to the Cardinals and host Seattle before their bye. If they aren’t at least .500 at the bye then people should panic.

Might win the division…I guess: Lions, Packers, Ravens, Steelers and Elves

These 5 teams are all 2-1. They all have looked decent at times and bad at other times. Not sure what will happen but I am sure it will start to sort itself out starting on Thursday night with the Lions @ Packers.

These teams have defenses now??? Chiefs and Bills

You knew these two were going to figure out their offenses but so far their defenses have looked great. Bills are going to get Von back and that will make them that much better and the Chiefs D is still young and learning but we look real good without Chris Jones playing a lot yet. Both these teams are going to be a tough out.

NFC Juggernauts: 49ers and Eagles

These two are the clear cream of the crop in the NFC and there isn’t a close 3rd.

Put up 70: Dolphins

Look, I don’t know if it is sustainable. I don’t know if they can beat the Bills or Chiefs when it matters most. I don’t know if Tua can survive the season. He’s only been sacked once so that helps. But they are two days from scoring 70 so if you score 70 you get to be at the top of the list…at least for a week.

Tune in Friday for a very special edition of the 5 for Friday. You Swifties are going to love it.

It’s getting harder to get this done in time for Friday with work and family stuff so if I am not done it time, I’ll try to throw it up over the weekend. And this way you get an extra game. I went 4-1 last week for an overall record of 7-3. And I am undefeated in snarky comments. Let’s do this thing.

Somebody’s got to win…right? Chargers @ Vikings

These two teams are the absolute best at having talented football teams and finding ways to lose. The Chargers have scored 58 points and lost both games by 3 or less points. The first game they had the ball at the end and Herbert got sacked like 3 times. In the second game it went to overtime where they promptly went 3 and out and then gave up a field goal to lose. The Vikings on the other hand are turnover machines and lost both games by one score as well. These are two high power offenses although the Vikings can’t run the ball at all. Which is why they just traded for Cam Akers who the Rams didn’t want. The Rams who have no depth are trading away this guy. He must have been real popular around the coaches office. The Chargers can run and pass but can’t stop either. At this point you sort of have to assume their coach is just terrible. Herbert is basically a younger Kirk Cousins who has lots of good stats but doesn’t win anything significant. I’m definitely cheering for the Vikings in this one. I have nothing against the Chargers but I do think it is funny that they lose all the time. Plus Kirk is such a nice guy. I really want to predict a tie in this one but if I predict it, then it probably won’t come true. So I’ll go with the guy who has won one playoff game and the coach who sort of looks like he might know what he is doing. It should be a high scoring affair but since I just said that it will probably be like 10-7. But again not predicting that either.

Vikings 34 Chargers 31

A Bill getting passed in DC: Bills @ Whatever their names are

The Bills are visiting DC where typically there is a lot of talking without a lot of action. There should be plenty of action in this one when the high scoring Bills offense comes to town. The Commanders are 2-0 but it is a little misleading as they won two close games against the Cardinals and Broncos. But EB definitely has made them better offensively. Sam Howell isn’t terrible and they have some good weapons offensively. This will be their first test against a good opponent. On the other side, the Bills defense has played well this year. The offense has been a little up and down due to Josh Allen’s reckless play. They move the ball well it just depends if Allen is going to throw to the right team or not. The Bills are clearly the better team but are on the road and I’m guessing Allen has a couple of turnovers that keep this game close.

Bills 28 Commanders 20

Battle of Mystical Mascots: Titans @ Elves (browns)

I don’t particularly like Ja’Marr Chase but he did make a funny comment calling the Browns the Elves based upon their logo. He then went ahead and lost to the Elves. But I am now calling the Browns the elves for the rest of the year. Both of these teams love to run the ball. Mostly due to their erratic quarterback play but also because that is how their teams are built. The Elves lost Nick Chubb for the season. But don’t worry, I am sure Watson still has a chub. The Titans pass defense is pretty terrible but the question is can Watson play decent. His play has been erratic since returning. This is tough one to pick. When I am not sure who to pick I usually look at three things, home field (Elves), coaching (Titans) and quarterback play…who knows. So I guess I’ll go with the team that I think has the better D. Elves overcome their size and massage boy to get the win.

Elves 24 Titans 20

Team of Regret vs Team that is the Best: Bears @ Chiefs

The Bears have traded up to draft a franchise quarterback two times in the past few years. The first was to obtain Mitchell Trubrisky. They chose him over Patrick Mahomes and Deshaun Watson. I’m not saying Mahomes would have had the same success had he gone to Chicago. But he certainly would have been better than Trubisky. Watson might have had more success in Chicago if there were less personal masseuses’ available. Trubrisky was a bust to say the least. Now they have gone all in on Justin Fields. The story was that they just needed better o-line play and weapons to throw too. They did that and he somehow sucks worse. This week he says the problem he is thinking too much and playing robotic. Why they asked? He answered, coaching. So he is off to a good start with his offensive coordinator. Meanwhile, the Chiefs are 1-1 and really should be 2-0 and are yet to play good offensively. They will be without Bolton this week which makes me a little nervous especially if Fields starts running around a lot…which he should because it is pretty much the only thing he is good at. But nothing helps a slumping offense like playing the Bears. The Chiefs stop being their “own worst enemy” and instead they will leave the scoreboard Lit. See what I did there?

Chiefs 30 Bears 16

Team I hate vs Team I hate: Steelers @ Raiders

These are two of the most unlikable teams in the league. Both have annoying fan bases and players and coaches that are easy to dislike. The Raiders barely beat the Broncos in week 1 and then got blown out by the Bills. They finally get to head home to Vegas which has been their 3rd or 4th home in my lifetime. The Raiders are so bad that no one wants them. The Steelers got beat badly in week 1 by the 49ers and then barely beat the Elves due to their elite defense. After looking very good in preseason, the offense has been a disaster. But the Raiders d is pretty good at helping offenses get back on track. While I don’t like the Steelers or Mike Tomlin, he is clearly the better coach in this one and I’m pretty sure TJ Watt might break Jimmy G. Give me the Steelers in a low scoring game.

Steelers 17 Raiders 10

Rematch of Super Bowl 56: Rams @ Bengals

The Rams despite missing Cooper Kupp have been competitive. They got a guy named Puka which is pretty fun. Last week I mentioned a movie with an imaginary rabbit. If you guessed Donnie Darko you were incorrect. No it was the classic movie called Harvey with Jimmy Stuart. Everyone thinks he is crazy because he walks around with an imaginary rabbit named Harvey. His aunt tries to have him institutionalized and hilarity follows. It’s a great movie that my dad introduced me to and my mom hates. In the movie you find out that there are mythical creatures called Pookas that are big animals or something. Anyway, every time I hear or see that guys name I think of that movie. And now you will too. You’re welcome. Not that I needed more reason to cheer for the Rams, but Puka gives me one. The Bengals have been pretty terrible this year. The offense does not look good. Burrow does not look right and he might not even play this week. I would feel sorry for everyone that drafted JaMarr Chase so early in fantasy except I didn’t draft him and I don’t particularly like him or the Bengals. So his lack of success is good for me in many ways. I was thinking the Bengals would turn it around but I think Kevin is really hurt and might not play in this one. He might have to stay Home Alone while his team plays a pretty good Rams team. If the Bengals lose this one, they might be in real trouble. More trouble than racking up a really high room service bill in New York City. But the way that O Line is playing I am betting they make their quarterback disappear.

Rams 24 Bengals 13

Week 2 is in the books. We still don’t know a lot but we know a little bit more. Let’s jump into the rankings.

Still Terrible: Cardinals, Texans, Bears, Panthers

The Cardinals were up 28-7 half way through the 3rd quarter and lost. The Texans got trounced by a Colts team that isn’t very good. Justin Fields is not good at playing quarterback. Panthers are the worst team in the NFC South.

Bad teams that are .500: Giants, Colts

If these teams had played anyone else this week, they would have lost.

Team that ruins my wife’s Sunday every week: Broncos

Do you know someone that isn’t good at what they do but keeps getting jobs? If not, let me introduce you to Vance Joseph.

.500 teams with issues: Raiders, Jets, Rams, Seahawks, Browns

These teams have all won a game but the future doesn’t look especially bright. Raiders have Josh McDaniels, enough said. The Jets don’t have a quarterback, Rams have no depth, Seahawks can’t block anyone or stop anyone. Watson has obviously been spending too much time at the massage parlor and not enough at practice and now they are down their best player in Nick Chubb who’s injury was so bad they wouldn’t show the replay. Here’s a tip…if you haven’t seen it, don’t go looking for it. (I know you will now immediately go look for it). There is something wrong with us. It’s the same reason we are slow down when we see a wreck, not for safety purposes but to get a peak.

Battle of South Champions: Falcons, Bucs, Saints

Somebody is going to mess around and win 9 games and win this division. These teams are almost a 3rd of the way there.

Teams that continue to find ways to rip defeat from the jaws of victory: Vikings, Chargers, Patriots

Two of the teams are really good for fantasy football. Neither is good at making their fans happy…or in the Chargers case…fan. The Patriots have played two teams real tough but they don’t have the talent to over come mistakes. The good news is the Vikings and Chargers play each other so one of them has to win. Right? Right?

.500 teams that are competitive but have issues: Packers, Lions, Titans, Steelers

Packers are young and don’t know how to handle adversity, the Titans are inconsistent and the Lions are well…the Lions. The Steelers have a great defense that is better at scoring then their offense. I think all 4 have a great shot at losing in the first round of the playoffs.

Real Good team that might be in Real Big Trouble: Bengals

The Bengals were 0-2 last year. After their second loss last year, Burrow said relax, it’s only 2 games and we all know how that season ended. After their second loss this year he was making excuses about not being good because he missed training camp and said he doesn’t know if he will be able to play next week because of his injury. I seem to remember one quarterback playing with a leg injury last year and still finding success…what was his name, I can’t remember. It seems the team with all the swagger doesn’t have much swagger. I will be just so sad if they continue to suck.

2-0 Teams that have beat bad opponents: Commanders and Cowboys

Give credit where credit is due but the Commanders have barely beat two bad teams. The Cowboys are good and have demolished both opponents but until they play someone decent, it is hard to tell how good. Also, the hype train will be out of control until they play someone good. Unfortunately for all of us, that isn’t going to happen until week 5 so we will all have to suffer until then.

2-0 Teams that early success will be ruined by injuries: Dolphins, 49ers, Ravens

I think the Dolphins are legit and I underestimated them going into the season. But it is only a matter of time until Tua goes down. The 49ers are the most injury prone team I have ever seen. Maybe they are due to stay healthy but it is unlikely. Ravens players are already dropping like flies.

.500 teams that have issues but are going to be real good: Chiefs, Jags, Bills

You ready for this…the Chiefs defense is real good. The offense will figure it self out but in the meantime, that D is looking very solid against too very good offenses. The Jags offense will figure itself out. I think both teams were pressing a little bit on Sunday. Look for an offensive explosion from both in week 3. The Bills looked dominant but Josh Allen is still out of control out there. That D is just going to get better when Von Miller comes back.

2-0 Team with less injury issues: Eagles

They haven’t looked great but they stay healthier than the other 2-0 contenders and can win different ways. And that stupid push the QB play is unstoppable.

Be on the look out for 5 for Friday. I’ll try to get it out at a more reasonable time this week.