Fifth Down

This is a new segment that Fifth-Down is bringing you. While this will still be football related, it won’t necessarily have anything specifically to do with this NFL season. It might be past stories, fantasy football related or other fun or funny topics. So let’s dive into the first ever edition of Monday Funday.

The J Team

As you all know, I love fantasy football. I am not necessarily all that good at it but I love to play and get others to play. The biggest example of this is the family fantasy football league I created called A House Divided. This is our 4th season playing. It is made up of myself, my wife, and my two kids along with siblings, nephews, and nieces. While we have had a solid 10 teams from the get go, the 11th and 12th spots have rotated a little bit. Now I feel confident that we have our 12 going forward. The last member I roped in last year, was my sister, Ruth. I had a whole big speech ready to give to her to make her our 12th member. But she already knew I was going to make her play and was ready to say yes.

I am lucky to have two siblings that aren’t just my brother and sister but are also two of my best friends. Besides a short stretch when I was in middle school and Ruth was in high school, we always got a long. She is a great person and arguably the smartest person I know. She can figure out all sorts of things out that I am incapable of. To give you an idea of how smart she is, do you remember when Sudoku was cool? My wife got me started on Sudoku when we were dating. I was much more interested in her than Sudoku. If she was into checkers, I would have been into checkers. But I digress. Anyway, Sudoku is this puzzle game where you have to fill in numbers. The books would go from easy to very difficult. If I completed a medium difficultly level one I would feel good about it. As I was doing Sudoku, I thought Ruth would love these. So I called her and said, hey have you ever done Sudoku. She said, yeah I did that a little bit but it is too easy. I said you mean the ones in the front of the book? She said all of them. I felt dumb but I am only dumb compared to Ruth.

I am fully confident that if Ruth applied herself to Fantasy Football she would dominate our league and whatever other leagues she wanted to. However, there is just one problem. She doesn’t care. I know that seems crazy. But Ruth does not care about football. And therefore, she doesn’t care much about fantasy football. She is just in the league because she loves me and is a good sister. But she will admit that last year she had more fun than she thought she would. But when she loses, it does not affect her life. But as with all things in life, Ruth finds ways to make things more interesting for her. She came up with a strategy for this season that is definitely unique to her.

Draft strategies are nothing new to fantasy football. There is Zero RB, Hero RB, Heavy RB (I’m not sure why most of the strategies revolve around the running back), QB early, QB late, and so on. But this is a strategy I am sure you haven’t heard of or used before.

My Sister texts me and says, I think I have a draft strategy for this year. This was of course intriguing. She says, I am going to draft players that all have names that start with the same letter. Now this seems sort of up surd to someone like me who studies football a ton. But it is the perfect strategy for someone like Ruth. It’s a way to have a strategy without having to do a lot of work. But is it even possible? Well of course this guy had to try.

I started with a mock draft and used her number 4 pick. The first time I did it I decided to pick whoever I would actually pick at 4 and then draft the rest of the team based upon that. I picked Breece Hall. So at that point, everyone else on my team’s last name had to start with H. Here was my starting lineup.

QB- Jalen Hurts, WR- Tee Higgins, WR-Deandre Hopkins, RB-Breece Hall, RB Najee Harris, TE-Hunter Henry, Flex-Khalil Herbert, K-Dustin Hopkins.

While that is not terrible, it’s not great and my bench was way worse. So I let Ruth know not to go with H. Ruth, being the smart person that she is knew a much better letter to use. She said I think J for all the first names would work. That made sense to me. So I had to dive in and do another mock draft with this strategy. It did mean that I would have to start by drafting either Jamar Chase or Justin Jefferson earlier than I normally would at pick 4. Well you know, I wasn’t picking Chase because I hate him. I wouldn’t draft Chase in a real draft, I’m certainly not taking him in a mock draft. Plus it is bonus points for Jefferson since both his first and last name start with J. As I continued the mock draft, I realized not only was this possible it was actually possible to put together a pretty dang good team. As each round passed and each of my picks came up I got more excited about the team. This was my final team.

QB Jordan Love

WR Justin Jefferson

WR Jaylen Waddle

RB Josh Jacobs (double points again)

RB James Conner

TE Jake Ferguson

Flex Jayden Reed

K Jason Myers

Defense Jacksonville

Tell me you wouldn’t roll with this squad. But unlike the H team, the J team had a really solid bench. My bench was Javonte Williams, Jaxon Smith-Njigba, Jameson Williams, Jerome Ford, Josh Downs, and Jahan Dotson. I immediately let Ruth know that J is the letter to go with. Ruth was excited and even more excited that I had done her homework for her.

Then the actual draft came. While I was certainly excited about the draft for myself because I love the draft. I was excited to see what Ruth would do, how it would go in a live draft and would anyone else notice. She came up to draft and picked Justin Jefferson. In round 2 she grabbed Josh Jacobs. She’s off to a great start not only getting two players but earning double points for both first and last name starting with J. Round 3 comes around quickly and she picks up James Cook. While I love Cook and have him in another league, I thought she should have gotten Waddle and hope that James Conner is still there in the 4th. But because she didn’t she drafts Jayden Reed way earlier than most people would. This immediately works out for her in week 1 when Reed is one of the highest scoring receivers in the league. Round 5 she gets Javonte Williams who has been a disappointment but doesn’t ruin her team because of a great grab later in the draft. Next she goes Joe Burrow at QB. She rounds out her starting team picking Justin Tucker, Jonnu Smith, and the Jacksonville D in rounds 7-9. Then she got Jordan Addison in round 10. She got what looks to be a steal of the draft in JK Dobbins in round 11. In rounds 12-15 she grabs Josh Palmer, Josh Downs, Juwan Johnson and Jaylen Wright to wrap up her team. And my favorite part, I am pretty confident no one noticed.

So how is the season going? She is 1-1 and in 4th place and 3rd in points. Not too shabby. Now I do have some questions on how she will manage bye weeks and injuries. But so far so good. I got a text after week 1 that said I started J and I should have started J. And J is listed at questionable so I might have to put in J. A couple of Saturdays ago, she said, you know I might actually know their first names by the end of the season. If you look at the app it just says J. and then the players last name. So it does look like a bunch of Js. She changed her team name to the Jays and her logo is a blue jay. She has gone all in on the strategy. And this is how she made fantasy football fun for her. Certainly I am hoping to win the league but if I don’t, I got to say I am cheering for the Jays. It would be hilarious if this strategy didn’t just make her competitive but won her the league. It just might create a whole new strategy that sweeps the fantasy football nation. Which would be about right, for the smartest person I know to come up with a successful strategy that involves absolutely no knowledge nor any care about football. If anyone can pull it off, it’s my sister Ruth.

We dive into week 3 of the NFL Season. There are some great games this week. Here are my top 5 games with a little something about each one and my always correct, rock solid predictions.

Lemonade game: Texans @ Vikings on CBS at 11 AM mountain time

2 years ago, the Texans were a disaster. In fact, they were so bad that they were in the running for the number 1 pick. But instead, the won one too many games. So they ended up with the number 2 pick. With a disaster of a team things looked bleak but with that second pick along with a new coach they made lemonade out of lemons. Stroud has been solid. Nico Collins has been exceptional and their defense has done a nice job. They head back on the road to face a Minnesota Vikings team that I and many others thought would be a mess and at the bottom of their division. Instead they are in first place being led by Sam Darnold. Apparently Kevin O’Connell is some sort of quarterback whisper. Sam Darnold has been a disaster everywhere he has been. He is most famous for saying that he was seeing ghosts during a game. He’s bounced around the league everywhere. And arrived in Minnesota after Kirk Cousins left. It’s only been 2 weeks but Darnold has been excellent and even beat the 49ers this past weekend. Sure he has Justin Jefferson. But name another healthy receiver for the Vikings. I’ll wait. So with not a ton of talent, Darnold is leading this team well and playing great. And Kevin O’Connell has truly made something sweet out of a true lemon in Darnold. They face another test this week. The Texans may be without Joe Mixon which has been an important part of their success. I think the Texans are the better team and will end up having a more successful season. But I think the Vikings pull another upset at home.

Vikings 27 Texans 24

The Saints go marching in: Eagles @ Saints on Fox at 11 AM mountain time

The Saints have been outstanding the first two weeks of the season. They have been so ridiculously good that they literally haven’t punted. They have scored a field goal or a touchdown on every offensive drive. That’s just crazy. Derek Carr has had a resurgence after being terrible last year. Alvin Kamara stopped beating up people with his buddies and instead is beating up on opposing defenses. Dude had 4 tds last week alone. Olave and Shaeed have both been great. Their defense has been very solid so far. They look like a legitimate force to be reckoned with. The Eagles on the other hand are 1-1 and have been up and down in both games. Hurts seems a little out of sorts in this offense. But he is mobile and makes a lot of great plays as well. He also makes some mistakes. Barkley has been great minus one important drop pass last week. Meanwhile, the Eagles will likely be without AJ Brown again and when Brown is out, Hurts seems to only want to throw to Devontae Smith. Their bigger issue though seems to be their defense that gave up a ton of points and yards to the Packers and gave the Falcons offense new life. I am not sure the Saints can sustain this sort of level of success but for now they go marching on.

Saints 34 Eagles 24 but the Saints do punt for the first time.

Must win game?: Ravens @ Cowboys on Fox at 2:25 PM mountain time

I know it is only week 3 but this sort of feels like a must win game for both of these teams. The Ravens were supposed to be Super Bowl contenders but look more like pretenders after starting the season 0-2. They barely lost both games but these losses can build up. More concerning is their lack of identity. In the past they have been dominant on defense and running the football. Now their defense has not been consistently good and while they are doing okay running the ball, they are still working too hard to make Lamar a good passer and not hard enough to win games. Also, it is very obvious of what they are going to do based upon their personnel. If Henry is in, they are likely going to run. If Justice Hill is in, they are definitely passing. 98% of teams who have started 0-3, have missed the playoffs. On the flip side, the Cowboys just got annihilated at home. Similarly, the same thing happened to them last year in the playoffs. They seem to fold when they get behind and seem to lack urgency. They literally didn’t stop the Saints once last week. Falling to 1-2 would be a brutal blow. They were supposed to be a team trying to get over the hump and make it to at least the NFC championship game. If they lose this game, they will become a team that is just trying to make the playoffs. I think both teams have issues that will keep them from winning anything significant. But someone has to win this particular game. I think the Cowboys flaws will be less obvious on Sunday.

Cowboys 27 Ravens 20

The Shake it Goff game: Lions @ Cardinals on Fox at 2:25 PM Mountain time

This is the Lions 3rd time in my 5 for Friday and I am yet to predict them correctly. Jared Goff has been on the struggle bus throwing some bad interceptions and making bad decisions. To make matters worse, both games were at home and inside where Goff is typically significantly better. This is his first time on the road. The Lions are also making some odd decisions including having Goff throw the ball over 50 times last week. It is one thing to throw the ball 50 times, it’s another to do so while having Gibbs and Montgomery at running back. Dan Campbell in true Dan Campbell fashion took the blame for last week’s loss. Well at least I think that is what he was doing. He said the head coach let the team down. He is the head coach and I think he knows that, but I am not 100% sure. On the other side, the Cardinals played the Bills tough and then annihilated what is left of the Rams. They played great and are looking to go 2-0 at home. It really comes down to whether Jared Goff can shake it Goff or will he continue to struggle. Goff is on one of my fantasy teams and I actually face Kyler Murray in two of my four leagues. Since I am apparently terrible at predicting the Lions and could really use Murray to have a lower scoring game, I’ll predict the opposite. Goff continues to struggle and Murray tears it up.

Cardinals 31 Lions 24

Hotlanta leads to hot offense: Chiefs @ Falcons on NBC at 6:20 PM mountain time

The Chiefs head on the road for the first time in their second prime time game of the year. All the talk has been about the penalty and the refs helping the Chiefs. And it is starting to feel like we only play in extremely close games. The Chiefs seem to have issues with bad tackle play, Kelce looking like he is washed and Pat making some terrible decisions. And now to add to the issues Pacheco is out for a few months. On the other side, the Falcons had their get right game last week against the Eagles. They won a nail biter with a rare Kirk Cousins prime time victory. They have a lot of talent and are starting to put it together. The Chiefs have been just awful defending against tight ends. Kyle Pitts is a tight end on two of my fantasy teams. This is all lined up for my fantasy team to finally get a boost from Pitts. So I can only assume this is the week Spags figures out how to stop the tight end. Pat always seems to play well on Sunday night. In other ridiculous statistics, Mahomes is 12-0 in domes. I think with Pacheco out he steps up his game and the offense starts to get hot. Kelce looks like himself again instead of me out there. Rice continues to do his thing and Carson Steele fills in admirably for Pacheco. Kirk plays well but makes a couple of key mistakes and Pat throws 4 touchdowns and finally goes a game without throwing a terrible interception. I’m going to keep predicting that the Chiefs win without it being that close because that has to happen eventually. Hopefully it happens Sunday night.

Chiefs 38 Falcons 24

Be on the look out on Monday for a new segment I am bringing to Fifth-Down and of course my ever important rankings on Tuesday.

Week 2 is in the books and my main takeaway is that no one is that good yet. Also, the injuries are piling up quickly…AJ Brown, Deebo, CMC, Puka, Cooper Kupp, Pacheco and on and on and on. Better check your fantasy football rosters. But for now let’s dive into our weekly rankings.

So Bad they are starting Andy Dalton: Panthers. Their new coach is not wasting anymore time running Bryce Young out there. The number 1 draft pick is going to have to learn from the sideline going forward.

Looked functional but still not good: Giants. They barely lost to the commanders but they looked better than the Panthers. So they got that going for them…which is nice.

A Mile high away from being good: Broncos. I thought the Broncos would be better. Their defense has looked okay. Their offense looks just awful. Bo Nix can’t seem to complete a pass past 3 yards. They head to Tampa next. Ouch.

AFC Suck Division: Titans, Colts and Jaguars. These teams are a combined 0-6 to start the season. All 3 have shown some life on occasion but not enough life to win a game.

Somebody call the Rambulance: Rams. The Rams told the 49ers to hold their beer on the injury front. They are running out of offensive linemen and wide receivers at an alarming rate. Is former Chief Demarcus Robinson about to become their number 1 receiver?

Bearly not the worst: Bears. The only thing worse than Caleb’s play is the play of the offensive line.

September Bengals: They out played the Chiefs but then fell apart in the 4th quarter when Joe Burrow fumbled, Chase threw a temper tantrum, then Burrow took a sack and then they committed an obvious pass interference. Burrow is now 0-5 in week 2 of NFL Season and 1-9 in the first two weeks of every nfl season. I think the Bengals will be fine, but I am not moving them up in the rankings until October.

Boring but not terrible: Browns. After taking a beat down from the cowgirls, the browns bounced back and beat the Jaguars. I still don’t have much confidence in them going forward.

Better than the other teams with rookie quarterbacks: Commanders. They barely beat the Giants but they are more functional than any other team starting a rookie.

Ravens gonna Raven: Ravens found a way to somehow give up a 10 point lead to the Raiders and lose by 3. Ravens are working real hard to make Lamar a great passer. It does not help them win games. They should go back to just running the ball a lot.

Raider didn’t Raider: Tell me you didn’t expect them to give up a big play and have Tucker kick a fg and then the ravens winning in over time. But they didn’t do that. Good for you raiders. In even better news, you play the Panthers next.

Worst 2-0 team ever: Steelers. Their defense is good I think, although hard to tell based upon who they have played. But that offense is not good. But this is what they do. Find a way to win 10 games. They are a 5th of the way there.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha: Cowboys. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Concussed: Dolphins. I’m not going to make fun of Tua for getting yet another concussion. But it certainly puts the Dolphins in a bit of a limbo state.

Still look average: Jets and Patriots. The Jets are ranked ahead of the Dolphins purely because their QB is healthy. Looking average is a compliment for the Patriots. These two play on Thursday. Enjoy.

Bi Polar Birds: Eagles and Falcons. Both are 1-1. Both have looked really good at moments and really bad at moments. Congrats to Kirk for winning a prime time game.

A Better Bird: Cardinals. In the wild, the Eagles and Falcons are far superior to a Cardinal. But on the football field, the Cardinals barely lost to the Bills and crushed a wounded Rams team. This team has spunk and talent and will be in the conversation until Kyler Murray inevitably gets hurt.

No Love, no problem: Packers. They looked solid with Malik Willis under center. Are they as good at throwing without Love? No. Can they be competitive for a few weeks until Love comes back. Yes.

Shake it Goff: Lions. The Lions have been competitive in both games and are 1-1. But something seems off with them. I am not sure why they are throwing the ball 50 times a game when they have 2 stud running backs. Goff has thrown multiple bad interceptions. He needs to shake it off and start to play better.

Undefeated just like we all expected: Vikings, Saints, Seahawks, Bucs and Chargers. I’m still not sure how good any of these teams really are. But they are 2-0 and 63% of teams who start 2-0 make the playoffs.

The 49IRs: CMC is already on IR. Deebo may miss multiple weeks. I told you this is what happens to the 49ers. They are still a solid team but I am not sure how many more injuries they can survive.

The Young and The Restless: Texans. The Texans are tough. they have great skill guys. But they also seem a little testy as they got into multiple skirmishes with the Bears on Sunday night. They are feisty and will be a tough out.

All set to lose in the divisional round: Bills. This is what the Bills do. Start out hot. Struggle in the middle of the season. Finish kind of strong but still with issues that are exposed that will be exploited in the playoffs. Lose in a heartbreaking fashion in the divisional round…repeat.

Our D game is better than your B+ game: Chiefs. They are 2-0 against two contenders and haven’t even played well yet. And no the refs didn’t bail them out. It was clear pass interference. The Bengals imploded and the Ravens missed opportunities. But the bigger concern for the league should be the fact that the Chiefs played poorly yet the games were super tight anyway. That’s why they are still the team to beat.

Tune in Friday for Five for Friday when I give you the rundown on the top 5 games to watch over the weekend.

We head into week 2 with a little more information of who these teams are which is good for me because I did not do well last week with my predictions. But it’s a new week and so let’s dive in.

The Battle of unwanted quarterbacks: Bucs @ Lions on Fox @ 11 AM mountain

Jared Goff went from NFC champion to nobody wants you real fast. He went to Detroit in the Stafford trade. I’m not saying that the Rams would want him over Stafford but the Lions sure are happy to have him. Goff is not as flashy as most top quarterbacks, but he gets the job done. All the weapons around him sure do help as well. Baker got dumped by the Browns. Then he got dumped by the Panthers. Then he spent a few weeks with the Rams. He landed in Tampa to replace the greatest quarterback of all time. I did not think it would go well. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Baker has been excellent and led his team to a south division championship and a playoff victory over the Eagles. It seems like he is picking up right where he left off. He played excellent last week albeit against a terrible secondary. Now they head to Detroit where they lost in the playoffs last year. It was a good game then, and I think it will be a good game now. The Bucs have good weapons too and both defenses have potential but haven’t arrived yet. It’s tough to win in Detroit so give me the Lions in a close one.

Lions 27 Bucs 20

The battle of quarterbacks who we are mobile but not great at throwing: Colts and Packers on Fox @ 11 AM mountain

The Colts are coming off a close home loss to the Texans. The Packers also lost close but loss more than that. Jordan Love is out for the foreseeable future or is he? They have him listed as questionable which is baffling to me. This should mean at least for now they are relying on Malik Willis. Malik couldn’t win the quarterback job in Tennessee. First he lost out to Ryan Tannehill and then to Will Levis who does not look good. Does this mean he will be terrible for the Packers? I don’t think he will be terrible because I believe in Matt Lafleur. Matt will have a solid game plan to make things as easy as possible. Malik can run around and will likely pick up some rushing yards as well. Speaking of running quarterbacks, the Colts have Anthony Richardson to do his own running around. He doesn’t always make the best decisions running or passing. But he will have a couple plays that will awe you. Will he make enough plays to get the win? I don’t think so. Give me the team with the home field and the better and more experienced coach.

Packers 24 Colts 20

The team I love vs the team I hate: Bengals @ Chiefs on CBS @ 2:25 PM mountain

As you all know I am a huge Chiefs fan. Obviously I hate the Raiders as all Chiefs fans do. I tolerate the Broncos due to my marriage and the Chargers are too worthless to hate. But the team I have hated the most the last few years is none other than the Bengals. The Bengals are sort of an odd team to hate. They have never won anything. They are terrible more than they are good. And they have a loyal fan base. But yet, I hate them. It’s partially because they beat us 3 times in a row, each time by 3 points. But it is more so because of their players. Joe Burrow seems very smug and cocky. Jamar Chase is always talking smack. Their defense is always talking as well. Last time they talked smack it was the Burrowhead talk after Joe Burrow won one game in Arrowhead. Even their mayor got involved if you remember. That did not go well for them as we beat them by 3 points and went on to win the Super Bowl. Last year we beat them as well as Burrow was hurt and it was sort of when we figured out how to win games again. And now here we are again and the Bengals are already talking. One of their defensive backs stated that there is nothing special about our rookie wide receiver, Xavier Worthy because all he does is run jet sweeps and run straight. That may be true but he does both of those things real fast. Then Chase said that they are the team to beat in the AFC and we need to play like it. I don’t know that I would be claiming that I am the team to beat when I just lost to the Patriots at home and am playing the team that just won the Super Bowl 2 years in a row and has been to 6 straight afc championships. But what do I know. Not as much as Chase. Just ask him, he’ll tell you. The Bengals have been our kryptonite but we usually play them late in the season and in the playoffs. This is the September Bengals. Joe Burrow is 0-4 in week 2 in his career. Maybe this is the time he changes that, I wouldn’t be surprised. But this seems like the tale of two teams. One team is a proven winner that is focused on the goal of winning week in and week out. The other seems to be a team that is trying to talk themselves into being a great team but really has some major issues. Give me the champs in this one. And I think the Chiefs are so tired of the Bengals they don’t even do their normal “keep it real close, so everyone has a heart attack and then barely win” thing that they always do.

Chiefs 31 Bengals 17

Last year’s rookie sensation vs this year’s rookie dud: Bears @ Texans on NBC @ 6:25 PM mountain time

Last year CJ Stroud took the league by storm as he played exceptionally well despite a banged up offensive line, no run game and well, playing for the Texans. Sure he had some weapons but no one expected him to play with so much poise and confidence. He is off to a good start this year as well fresh off a win over their division rival Colts. There were questions about how Stroud would perform in the NFL and he answered everyone of them. Enter Caleb Williams. The only question entering the NFL for Caleb seemed to be how long would it take for him to overtake Mahomes for best quarterback in the league. Williams has even more weapons than Stroud had or at least more experienced ones. He plays on a team with a much better defense. And so there were high expectations for Caleb. His team won in spite of him as opposed to because of him after he threw for a whopping 82 yards. I am sure he will perform better on Sunday night because he can’t perform much worse. And he will have to because Stroud is much less likely to hand the other team points as Will Levis seemed so excited to do. This will also be Caleb’s first road game and his first prime time game. Lucky for Caleb it is a team game. Unlucky for Caleb is that he is playing the Texans.

Texans 27 Bears 13

Prime time Kirk: Falcons @ Eagles on ESPN at 6:15 PM mountain time

What is worse than Prime time Kirk? Prime time Kirk on the road. Kirk looked awful on Sunday. Sure the Steelers defense is good. But it looks like Kirk is not fully healed from his injury. He never took a snap under center and play action is out the window for a team that desperately needs to use play action. With all the weapons I thought Kirk would have a big year and so would those players. It’s only one game but the eyeball test tells me from the parts of the game I watched is that Kirk either isn’t healed up or doesn’t trust his leg. Maybe they were just knocking the dust off but it looked worse than that to me. On the other side, you have the Eagles fresh off their win in Brazil last Friday over the Packers. It was a wild shoot out where the Eagles obviously were wearing better shoes than the Packers. Saquon Barkley played so well he almost single handily beat one of my fantasy football teams. Hurts had an up and down game but still has plenty of weapons to throw to. The defense has some work to do but they won’t play the Packers offense every week. For instance this week they play an injured Kirk Cousins. The only thing worse than Prime time Kirk on the road is injured prime time Kirk on the road. Give me the Eagles.

Eagles 28 Falcons 20

Week 1 is in the books and it did not disappoint. Well I guess if you are a fan of half the teams, it was disappointing. But hey, my team toetally won, so that is all that matters. Let’s jump into the rankings.

Somehow worse than I expected: Giants and Panthers. It looks like it will be a year long competition for the number 1 pick in the draft.

Titanic: Titans. They found a way to lose to a team whose QB didn’t throw for 100 yards. They also gave the Bears defense a lot of ways to score points in fantasy football which was unfortunate for me since I was playing against them.

They got the win but it will be one of their few: Patriots and Vikings. These two teams found a way to win. The Vikings beat an awful Giants team. The Patriots beat the Bengals in September which is basically like beating an awful Giants team.

Raiders gonna raider: 10 whopping points. ouch.

Dawg days of summer: Browns. Cleveland did not look good. And now Watson has yet another accusation against him. He is not a good person or a good player. The Dawg pound is not having fun.

September Bengals: I forgot how bad they always are to start the year. I would have never guessed they would lose to this Patriots team though. I’m sure they will be in the conversation at the end of the season but they sure do make it hard on themselves by starting out the year so slow every year.

Not good but looks like they won’t be boring: Commanders and Broncos. Rookie quarterbacks bring up and down seasons but at least these guys run around and make things interesting.

Won but not much else to feel good about: Bears. They have weapons and a great defense but I am sure they would feel better if Caleb Williams at least threw for a hundred yards.

Looks like they still might suck: Falcons. I know this was the first time Kirk has played in a while and hasn’t seen live action with these players but woof, that was not a good outing.

Good wins or just playing a bad opponent?: Chargers and Saints. These teams looked somewhat impressive but they were also playing the raiders and panthers.

The best bad team ever?: Steelers. I don’t know how the Steelers continue to win games year in and year out with such subpar quarterback play. I still don’t think they will win the playoffs but they are now just 8 victories away from not have a losing record once again.

Showed some life but not nearly enough: Jets. They had a few drives where you thought this thing could really work. Unfortunately most of their drives they looked dramatically over matched and like the Jets of old.

Tough break: Packers. We don’t know the extent of the injury yet which is why they are sort of in the middle of this list but Jordan Love missing significant time is bad news for everyone including one of my fantasy teams.

Fantasy fun: Colts and Cardinals. These teams didn’t win but they might have helped you win in fantasy.

Showed some life but not quite enough: Jaguars. The Jags came real close to getting the dub but couldn’t quite pull it off. Maybe Lawrence’s hair got in his eyes a couple of times and made him miss some throws.

Tough outs: Seahawks and Bucs. We don’t know enough about either team yet but they both had strong starts and seem like they have solid teams across the board.

Will forever hate the saying it’s a game of inches: Ravens. Lamar said he thought it was a catch and he still thinks it is a catch. Just because you think the tooth fairy is real, doesn’t make it true. Same goes with this catch.

Probably better than I thought but also played the Browns: Cowboys. They dominated but again, massage boy is awful.

Still fun…for now: Dolphins. The fins got the win but they definitely had their issues. They are heavily reliant on Achane or Hill turning a 10 yard play into an 80 yard play.

Real close but not close enough: Rams. The Rams made some crucial mistakes and couldn’t quite overcome a tough Lions squad. Also, Puka got hurt and is out at least 4 weeks. In positive news, if Cooper Kupp is on your fantasy team you should be real happy.

They got a lot of dudes: Eagles and the Texans. With the addition of Barkley to a team already stacked with offensive weapons, the Eagles are going to be a tough team to beat. The Texans added their own running back and he looked great too. Diggs added two tds and Tank Dell and Nico Collins both looked good as well. It’s hard to find a weak spot in this offense.

Ready to lose in the playoffs: Bills They still got that Josh Allen magic. which means they will continue to win games and then lose in some heartbreaking way come postseason.

Still roaring: Lions. The Lions look tough. Like Super Bowl contender tough. Two of their best players Amon Ra St. Brown and Sam Laporta hardly did anything and they still won. Unfortunately, those guys are also on my fantasy teams and I did not win.

Healthyish is good enough: 49ers did not need Christian McCaffrey in order to dominate the Jets. Unfortunately for me, I was playing against Jake Moody who kicked his way to 26 freaking points!

Still breaking other fan bases hearts: Chiefs. It didn’t take much time to ruin someone else’s day. The Ravens lost by a toe and they were real salty about it. But this what the Chiefs do. Find a way to win close games. And they are pretty much all close games.

Tune in Friday for our next edition of Five for Friday!

It’s time for our first five for Friday of the year! This is where I give you some storylines of 5 games coming up in this weekend as well as my predictions. Let’s dive in.

New, Old Quarterbacks: Pittsburgh @ Atlanta 11 AM (mountain time) on Fox

Both of these teams got new quarterbacks…that are old. Kirk Cousins is coming off a serious injury and we really haven’t seen him play in almost a year. Russ is dealing with a calf strain and really haven’t seen him play well since 2020. I didn’t think the Steelers could get worse than Kenny Pickett and Mason Rudolph. But Russ said, hold my beer. Russ is so bad the Broncos are paying him millions of dollars to play against them. Not only is he not good, he also keeps getting hurt. If he can’t go, they will run Justin Fields out there who runs around so much I am sure he will get hurt during the game. The Steelers O-Line is not good either which isn’t ideal for two quarterbacks that hold the ball way too long. On the other side, you have everyone’s favorite quarterback from the Netflix show. Kirk is genuine, kind and just an all around great guy. This doesn’t help him win playoff games but it does help him in the “athletes I’d like to be friends with” category. Atlanta has all the pieces to be a playoff team but can Kirk play at his old form to lead them to that elusive first round playoff loss? We start to find out on Sunday.

Falcons 24 Steelers 13

The Battle for Florida or at least part of it: Jacksonville @ Miami 11 AM (mountain time) on CBS

Sure the Bucs play too but nobody really likes Tampa. This game could also be deemed the battle of disappointing second half of the seasons. Both these teams were rolling along winning their divisions and then things slowly got worse and worse for the Dolphins. The Jags on the other hand just full on took a nose dive. Now both teams try to start the season off on a positive note. It’s going to be a cool 91 degrees during the game so that should be enjoyable for fans and players a like. This does not bode well for Lawrence and his luscious locks. The more hair the hotter you will be in this one. Both these QB’s got paid huge amounts of money for no apparent reason. They have a combined 1 playoff victory and both have trouble staying healthy although Lawrence plays through his injuries. He plays poorly…but he is out there. The Jags have some good weapons but the Dolphins have great weapons. That’ll be the difference in this one with Hill and one of the extremely fast running backs both scoring long touchdowns. By the end of the season the Jags will be the better team but in week 1 give me the fins for the win.

Dolphins 31 Jags 20

The Tom Brady game: Dallas @ Cleveland 2:25 PM (mountain time) on Fox

Everyone will be tuning into this one. Not to watch either of these teams play but to see Tom Brady do his first broadcast. And lets be honest, we all are hoping he sucks. He took Greg Olson’s job just like he took Drew Bledsoe’s job. For some reason I find Tom Brady even less likable now that he isn’t playing. He is sort of this know it all who acts like he says good things about other players but then it ends up always coming back to him. And besides, you can’t be good at everything, it’s not fair. So here is to Tom Brady hopefully fumbling around in the broadcast, saying the wrong names, mixing up information for players and just sucking in general. Also, both these teams are talented but kind of a disaster. Dak is good or at least that is what everyone keeps telling me. But he seems to do poorly in big games. Watson hasn’t been good since he stopped getting creepy massages. It is really who’s talent drags the QB to victory. Give me the home team in an ugly game on the field and hopefully in the broadcast booth as well.

Browns 20 Cowboys 16

Stafford returns…again. Los Angeles @ Detroit Sunday Night on NBC

Matt Stafford threw for a lot of yards in Detroit. Unfortunately it didn’t translate to winning. So the Lions finally helped him out and traded him to the Rams. The Lions got Goff in exchange along with some draft picks and it worked out well for both teams. The Rams won the super bowl and the Lions went from absolutely terrible to contender. These two teams met in the playoffs last year when the Lions won a thriller. Both teams have strong offenses and questions on defense. This is one of the games I am looking forward to the most. Both teams are fun and likable. Goff usually plays exceptionally well inside. Both teams have lots of fun weapons. McShay is smart and Dan Campbell is well…Dan Campbell. I think both their defenses will be good by the end of the year but their will be some mistakes in this one. The Rams win a shoot out and Stafford gets his revenge from last year.

Rams 38 Lions 30

California Love: New Jersey @ San Francisco Monday Night on ESPN

Aaron Rodgers makes his way back home to California. The 49ers famously passed on Rodgers and drafted Alex Smith instead. It did not work as well. At the same time the 49ers have been Rodgers nemesis especially in the playoffs. Now Rodgers has a new team and he is hoping to make it to play 5 this year. The 49ers have had a messy offseason but somehow managed to get the whole gang back together. ESPN really wants the Jets to be good and it is on ESPN…so…. I don’t think either team comes out playing real crisp. The top Jets players haven’t played together in a game yet. The 49ers haven’t played together because half of them had contract disputes. It’s a sloppy game filled with good defenses and bad offense. Rodgers survives the game which is a victory in itself. All the 49ers survive the game as well which again is a victory. Rodgers drives the Jets down for a td to take the lead. Purdy tries to do the same but throws an interception instead. The aftermath is the media says that the Jets are going to win the Super Bowl and Brock Purdy is the 32nd worst quarterback in the league. Because the media is all about hot takes over facts.

Jets 23 49ers 17

Enjoy the first weekend of Football!!

If you are new to the Fifth-Down Audience, this is where I rank all the teams once a week. If you have been following all along, you know that this is where Fifth-Down got it’s start. I started by posting my rankings on Facebook and people seemed to enjoy it so I dove in to creating this blog and began to create other material as well. In fact, this is my 100th published post. Which is fitting since this is where it all started and it is the start of a new season. So without further ado, here are my rankings from worst to first with playoff predictions at the end. Enjoy!

Car Crash: New England Patriots. You don’t want to watch because it looks painful but you can’t help yourself and you slow down to take a gander.

There’s always next year: New Jersey Giants and Carolina Panthers. They are building something…for the future…yeah that’s it.

Titan(ic): Tennessee Titans. This team is ready to crash and sink.

Things are bad but not boat party bad: Minnesota Vikings. If you get that reference, you know what I am saying. If you don’t, then google Vikings boat parties. Just make sure there are no kids around.

When’s the next Katrina?: New Orleans Saints. You remember when a terrible hurricane brought the city together and the Saints didn’t suck. Those were the days.

Raiders gonna Raider: Raiders. You know they might want to keep that Mahomes Kermit puppet around to play quarterback for them. Might be an upgrade.

Top Fantasy quarterbacks until they get hurt week 5: Arizona Cardinals and Indianapolis Colts. Self explanatory.

Bad dating relationship QBs: Steelers and Browns. You ever have a friend who was always complaining about their significant other and you thought they aren’t so bad, I don’t know why they are so disgruntled being with this person. And then you spend a little time with that person and you are like oh man, now I see it. That’s the Steelers with Russ. The Browns with Watson are like that, only you ended up marrying the person and find out that they have creepy habits and are even worse than when your friend was dating them but can’t move on from them because it would be a financial disaster.

Roller Coaster: Denver Broncos, Chicago Bears, Washington whatever their names are. These teams are going to have some exciting highs and some frustrating lows playing with rookie quarterbacks. Enjoy the ride.

Beware the hair: Jacksonville Jaguars and San Diego Chargers. Their Quarterbacks don’t win much but they win every day at the salon.

Skip Bayless less: Dallas Cowboys. This team is so irrelevant that Skip got fired for talking about them so much.

Baker or Faker: Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Are the Bucs good or was Baker a one hit maker?

The Comedy Movie: Miami Dolphins. You ever notice how a lot of comedy movies start out really funny but then the longer they drag on, the less funny they get and instead the humor is replaced by some awful plot? And then at the end, you are like that was pretty good I guess. That is the Dolphins season every year. They start out fast and fun making lots of exciting plays but as the season drags on they get worse and worse and then they lose a playoff game somewhere cold and you think they had a pretty good season, I guess.

Birds of a different feather: Atlanta Falcons, Seattle Seahawks and Philadelphia Eagles. These bird teams are looking to take flight in a different direction this season and soar to new heights and other bird metaphors.

Boy am I glad that we aren’t in St. Louis: Los Angeles Rams. This is just a moment for me to say St. Louis sucks.

Ricky, I was high when I said that: Buffalo Bills. You don’t have to be first, Bills. You can be lots of things. You can be second, third. Hell, you can even be fourth. And you will be one of those things once again this year.

The I hope my Quarterback doesn’t get hurt club: Baltimore Ravens, Cincinnati Bengals and New Jersey Jets. When I was a senior in high school, our community started the Quarterback Club which was a group of parents who raised money to upgrade our football program. I even got my name on the back of good ole number 84. This is sort of like that but instead of hoping to get new jerseys these teams are hoping their Quarterback stays healthy all year so they can make a run.

We don’t talk about Bruno: Green Bay Packers, Detroit Lions and Houston Texans. These 3 organization’s fan bases are real confident in their teams publicly. But in the back of their minds, they have their doubts. They just don’t talk about them. And if you don’t talk about something then it doesn’t exist.

The Best roster money can buy…until they get hurt: San Francisco 49ers. They paid everyone except their 700k quarterback which will work out great as long as everybody stays healthy. But they are the 49ers so good luck with that.

The infinity gauntlet team: Kansas City Chiefs. Brett Veach is the time stone with his ability to look into future to find starting corners, linebackers and interior lineman on day 3 of the draft. Andy Reid is the Mind stone manipulating defenses to make poor decisions and designing plays to get average players wide open in the end zone. Chris Jones is the power stone with the ability to dominate whenever he sees fit. Travis Kelce is the space stone moving on and off the field to inexplicably make himself wide open on the football field for no apparent reason. Patrick is the reality stone as he brings the reality that you can’t defeat him. And finally Taylor Swift is here as the Soul Stone to take what’s left of other fan’s hearts and enjoyment of watching the game making losing to the Chiefs that much more annoying and driving other team’s fans into insane conspiracists who believe the game is rigged and the NFL and refs and everyone are in on it together to keep the swifties happy. All of this makes the Chiefs inevitable.

Playoff Predictions: Keep in mind there are always like 4 or 5 new teams in the playoffs each year. But I am sure I am 100% correct with my predictions so go to Vegas on these.

NFC:

1. Philadelphia Eagles
2. Green Bay Packers
3. Los Angeles Rams
4. Atlanta Falcons
5. Detroit Lions
6. Seattle Seahawks
7. Chicago Bears

AFC:

1. Kansas City Chiefs
2. Cincinnati Bengals
3. Buffalo Bills
4. Houston Texans
5. Baltimore Ravens
6. New York Jets
7. Jacksonville Jaguars

Wild Card Round:

Packers over Bears: Caleb plays well but not well enough. Also, the Bears never beat the Packers.

Rams over Seahawks: Seattle is improved but the Rams know them well and are able to defeat them easily.

Lions over Falcons: The Lions don’t win playoff games. You know who wins playoff games even less? Kirk Cousins.

Bengals over Jags: Lawrence’s hair doesn’t travel well and the Bengals are too much for the Jags.

Jets over Bills: Aaron and the gang put the Bills out of their misery a little earlier than usual.

Ravens over Texans: This is just a bad match up for the Texans who’s biggest weakness seems to be run defense.

Divisional Round:

Rams over Packers: The Rams veteran players are the difference against a young Packers team.

Eagles over Lions: Goff is great indoors…not so great outside.

Chiefs over Jets: It’s a competitive and close game but who do you trust more in the playoffs? A-Rod or Pat? I’m taking Pat.

Bengals over Ravens: Lamar has never won two playoff games in one season and that trend continues.

Championships:

Rams over Eagles: Give me McShay over crazy Nick Sirianni who’s team got here in spite of him not because of him.

Chiefs over Bengals: The Bengals try to revenge their week 2 loss to the Chiefs and keep the belief that they are the one team that can take out the Chiefs. Unfortunately the opposite happens as the Chiefs get off to a big lead and hold it this time. Pat improves to 3-3 against Burrow and 2-1 against him in the playoffs to end the stupid debate of who is better.

Super Bowl:

Chiefs over Rams: It’s a close fought back and forth game. The Chiefs are down 4 late. Pat leads them down the field and finds Travis in a blank space in the end zone. Taylor Swift and the rest of the Chiefs fans go nuts as history is made and the Chiefs become the first team to win 3 super bowls in a row to the displeasure of the rest of the nation.

There you have it! It all starts tonight. Let’s do this thing. Tune in tomorrow for Five for Friday!

We wrap up our preseason divisional breakdowns with the West. These divisions have brought us the last 3 super bowl champions and the division winner of both leagues has been in the conference championship the last 3 years as well. Will the streak continue? You will see in my playoff predictions soon. But for now, here is the breakdown starting with the AFC.

AFC West

1st Place: How about them Chieeeefs!

The Chiefs have been dominant going to 6 straight AFC championship games, 4 super bowls and winning 3 championships. But the dominance of the AFC West started sooner as we were winning this thing with Alex Smith. Even the last time someone else won the division (the broncos in 2015) the Chiefs had the same record and just lost out on a tie breaker. Since then they have rattled off 8 straight AFC West titles. On paper they got significantly better on offense over last year. Which isn’t hard. We got slightly worse on defense after losing Sneed and a few role players. This should equal a more enjoyable regular season with the same old end result. Oh and to make us even more annoying it will be year two of Taylor Swift being at all our games. I guess that this is just a new Eras of football. See what I did there.

Reason the Chiefs will win the division: Mahomes is inevitable.

Reason the Chiefs won’t win the division: Mahomes gets hurt…but even then I think we win the division with Wentz backing him up. We just wouldn’t win it all. Plus, even when Mahomes gets hurt he heals insanely quickly.

Fantasy Players to draft: I think Pat is going to bounce back and have an amazing year statistically. I am not saying he is going to throw for 5,000 yards but he might throw for 5,000 yards. He and Andy are the grumpiest people ever who just won a super bowl. They are not going to settle for that crap show display of offense we put out there last year. It’s hard to pass up Travis Kelce who last year was the number 2 tight end in fantasy during an off year. I love drafting Rashee Rice now that he won’t get suspended until the 2025 season. He was a top 10 fantasy receiver last year from week 12 on. Pacheco will be solid for you and both Worthy and Hollywood should be drafted. Not sure how they will do but they will certainly have big weeks from time to time.

Predicted record: 14-3

2nd Place: Denver Broncos

I mean someone has to come in second. I know everyone is high on the Chargers because of Jim Harbaugh but he won’t be able to steal signs in the NFL as easily. Plus why do we believe in Harbaugh and not Sean Payton? I think they are both a little overrated but Payton did win a super bowl. I think he has his guy in Bo Nix. Bo is smart and will follow the offense and get rid of the ball quickly. That’s what you need in a Sean Payton offense. These are all things that Russ was not. I think their skill guys are healthier than last year and their defense is decent. Plus, my wife and her family are happier if I say nice things about their team.

Reason they will win the division: Patrick Mahomes gets hurt and they play slightly better than the other two teams.

Reason they won’t win the division: Pat is inevitable.

Fantasy players to draft: I mean Sutton will probably catch a lot of passes. The person I am most excited about drafting is Javonte Williams especially where you can get him. If he stays healthy I think he is in for a big year. Everyone else, I am playing wait and see and am more likely to pick up on waivers if they perform well.

Predicted Record: 9-8

3rd place: San Diego…I mean Los Angeles Chargers

It’s always great playing the Chargers because you get another home game when you go there. Jim Harbaugh is there to save the day. What they really needed the last couple of years was to stay healthy and have competent coaching. They now have one of those things. Herbert is already hurt. Everyone who was good on the team offensively is gone. I think they have some young talent and Herbert is certainly very talented but he has never won anything of significance. So I am holding out the verdict but I think it will take a year for Harbaugh to get the pieces the way he wants them so he can finish second instead of third next year.

Reason they will win the division: Mahomes gets hurt and they play slightly better than the other two teams.

Reason they won’t win the division: Pat is inevitable.

Fantasy Players to draft: ugh, I mean Herbert if you want, I guess. Someone is going to run the ball and someone is going to catch the ball. I just don’t have a real good idea of who that is. Gus Edwards and Josh Palmer are safer bets with lower ceilings. Vidal, Johnson and McConkey have higher upside with very low floors. Take your pick.

Predicted Record: 7-10

4th Place: Los Angeles…I mean…Oakland…I mean Las Vegas Raiders

The Raiders think they have their coach and I guess are waiting to get their quarterback. They have been talking a lot of smack since beating the Chiefs on Christmas Day. Since then, the Chiefs didn’t lose again and celebrated a Super Bowl Championship in their stadium. I don’t know that their coach is the answer or perhaps he is just drastically better than the worst head football coach ever, Josh McDaniels. Either way, I think they will be relatively competitive because they have a few elite players. But I think they downgraded at running back and Gardner Minshew is pretty good but not good enough to have a winning record. But hey he is entertaining. The Raiders finished second last year which doesn’t do them any favors scheduling wise. I think this will be yet another up and down season with more downs than ups.

Reason they will win the division: Mahomes gets hurt and they play slightly better than the other two teams.

Reason they won’t win the division: Pat is inevitable.

Fantasy Players to draft: Davante Adams apparently is good in fantasy even if I am throwing to him. Other than that, Jacobi Myers is a solid back up for you. Zamir White is taking Josh Jacobs place so I guess you can draft him if you want. He should get the ball a lot. And Brock Bowers is a rookie tight end that because they don’t have much depth at receiver should get a lot of looks.

Predicted record: 6-11

NFC West

1st Place: Los Angeles Rams

This is one of my bolder predictions but I like the Rams to win their division. It seems like this is sort of the consistent trend of the Rams. Be pretty good for a year, be real good for a year and make the super bowl, fall off dramatically and win 6 games…repeat. Well we are in the be real good for a year stage. Stafford is very solid at QB. They have great weapons across the board including a finally healthy Cooper Kupp. They drafted well. I’m a little worried about them defensively with Aaron Donald retiring. But hey if they make a run, you never know, he might show up. And bottom line is Sean McVay is the NFC coach I trust the most. I think they take care of business and win the West.

Reason they will win the division: Stafford plays elite and Kupp stays healthy and the D is solid enough.

Reason they won’t win the division: Defense is worse than I think it will be, Kupp gets hurt and the 49ers stay healthy.

Fantasy players to draft: Kyren Williams, Puka and Kupp are all first 3 round picks. After that, Blake Corum is a good handcuff in case Kyren gets hurt or they have more of a split backfield than expected. Demarcus Robinson was actually very good last year even with Puka and Kupp playing. Parkinson is their new tight end that should get some targets since Tyler Higbee is on IR. I am not drafting Parkinson or Robinson but I will be keeping my eye on them early on in the season.

Predicted Record: 12-5

2nd Place: Seattle Seahawks

What is Jeff doing??? How could he have the 49ers at 3. I’ll explain my 49ers pick in a bit but I like this Seahawks team. They have some new life with a new head coach and a new offensive play book. Their skill guys are stacked. Their defense is young but competitive. What’s not to like? Geno Smith isn’t awesome but he is solid and if he can thrive in this new offense lookout. I don’t have a ton of logical confidence in this pick but I just got a gut feeling and my gut is usually right when it comes to picking football stuff…except when it is not.

Reason they will win the division: Everything comes together offensively and their defense continues to improve.

Reason they won’t win the division: the Rams and 49ers are better.

Fantasy Players to draft: DK Metcalf is always a safe bet as he is a top 30 and sometimes top 20 receiver. Kenneth Walker is being really hyped up by the coaching staff. People are high on Jaxon Smith-Njigba to make the next step this year. Tyler Lockett isn’t getting as much love but the dude is consistent. Zach Charbonnet got some carries last year and at a minimum he is worth drafting in case Walker gets hurt. If you are desperate for a tight end, Noah Fant will be there to draft or pick up on the waiver wire.

Predicted record: 10-7

3rd Place: San Francisco 49ers

Look, the 9ers are very good. They have the best roster in football, blah, blah, blah. But something just doesn’t feel right here. There is a lot of bad mojo going on. The offseason was full of contract disputes. They keep extending everyone but they also keep getting older. Purdy hasn’t looked great. The injury bug has already gotten McCaffrey once in the preseason. Aiyuk and Trent Williams have barely practiced. Their O-line is already banged up and a guy just got shot for goodness sakes. Often the loser of the super bowl has a bit of a hang over effect. It just feels like something isn’t right or a lot of things aren’t going right heading into the new season. Plus the 49ers were oddly healthy last season and the odds of that happening for them, one of the most injury prone teams in the league, two seasons in a row doesn’t seem likely.

Reason they will win the division: I am wrong, everything is fine and they stay healthy.

Reason they won’t win the division: Players get hurt and Purdy plays bad.

Fantasy Players to draft: Even though they get hurt a lot, you have to draft these guys when available and then cross your fingers and hope they stay healthy. McCaffrey is the pretty obvious number 1 pick and the certainly obvious top 4 or 5 pick. Aiyuk signed his new deal so you got to draft him. Deebo and Kittle usually get hurt at some point most years but you got to draft them because they are great when they are healthy. Purdy was a top 10 fantasy QB last year because he gets to throw to all these guys.

Predicted record: 9-8

4th place: Arizona Cardinals

The Cardinals have kind of a fun little team. They have a bunch of young skill guys plus James Conner. Kyler Murray is fun to watch even if he can’t see over the line and plays too many video games instead of studying his playbook. Their coach seems well liked by the players who play hard for him even though they suck. If they played in say the NFC South they might have better luck. I just don’t trust Murray and Conner to stay healthy and even if they did, I’m not sure they could beat these other 3 teams. But unlike the other last place teams, at least the Cardinals are fun to watch.

Reason they win the division: They stay healthy and dramatically over achieve.

Reason they won’t win the division: They don’t stay healthy and they are the Cardinals and they don’t win stuff.

Fantasy Players to draft: Marvin Harrison Jr. is apparently going to be the next Jerry Rice so you should draft him. I like to draft James Conner because he is really good until he gets hurt. I also like drafting Trey Benson because James Conner always gets hurt. Kyler Murray is a great fantasy QB when healthy. You just might want to get a back up. Trey McBride is everyone’s favorite tight end. Micah Wilson is someone I like drafting in deeper leagues. I think he has high upside but you can probably snag him off waiver wires if he performs well in most leagues.

Predicted Record: 6-11…but a really fun 6-11.

There you have it! Check out tomorrow when I do my first overall rankings of the year and my playoff predictions. And then on Friday I’ll be dropping my first Five for Friday where I give you 5 interesting games you should watch over the weekend!

We continue our tour around the league with predictions and commentary on each division. Up next is the South. Both of these divisions are quite interesting and predicting both divisions is difficult for the average man. Luckily, I am slightly above average. Let’s dive in starting with the NFC side.

NFC South

1st Place: Atlanta Falcons

The Falcons have had a ton of offensive talent for a while now. The problem has been not having someone to get them the ball. Enter our Netflix buddy, Kirk Cousins. Kirk is real good in the regular season and I think he will be just want Atlanta needs to take the next step. It is also time to shine for Kyle Pitts, Drake London and Bijan Robinson. They have had the excuse of poor quarterback play up to this point. That excuse should be gone. The Falcons also recently added Matthew Judon and Justin Simmons. And also, the schedule is pretty easy. This has all the writing of a team ready to win the worst division in football. And then Kirk can go lose another playoff game.

Reason they will win the division: Kirk helps all the offensive weapons improve. The defense gets better and it all comes together so they can lose a first round playoff game.

Reason they will lose the division: Kirk gets hurt and/or the Falcons do falcon things.

Fantasy players to draft: Bijan should be the 3rd running back off the board. Drake London and Kyle Pitts are set to have breakout years. Although it feels like we have been saying that about those two guys for a while. Kirk is dramatically underrated in fantasy. And their kicker is usually pretty good.

Predicted Record: 12-5

2nd Place: Tampa Bay Bucs

Who would have guessed that the Bucs would be better last year with Baker than they were the year before with Brady. Football can be a funny game like that. The Bucs didn’t lose a lot but didn’t gain a lot either. Probably their biggest loss was their offensive coordinator who went to Carolina. The Bucs have a solid but not great team. I think they will be competitive in most games but their schedule is the toughest in the division having won the division last year. Baker and the gang do enough to have a winning record but not enough to win the division.

Reason they will win the division: Baker balls out and the defense stays strong and Kirk Cousins plays a lot of prime time games.

Reason they won’t win the division: Baker plays like he did every year besides last year.

Fantasy Players to draft: I don’t really like Mike Evans but he is good at football. Chris Godwin is very solid value for where you can draft him. Supposedly he is going to play in the slot a lot so that should help him. Rasheed White had a breakout year last year, but I don’t like where he is going in most drafts so I’ll probably pass on him. If you forget to draft a tight end, you can grab Otten late and he gets a decent amount of red zone targets.

Predicted Record: 10-7

3rd Place: Carolina Panthers

Look, it can’t go worst than last year, right? They were so bad that the Bears got the number 1 pick in the draft. Bryce Young did not do well. But now he has a head coach who helped Baker not suck. They got some decent weapons and some pretty good defensive players. I think they will start out bad but get better as the year goes on. They will finish 3rd or 4th but they should at least be better than last year…right?

Reason they will win the division: Everyone else is really bad and they play slightly better than expected.

Reason they won’t win the division: They will be better…but not that much better.

Fantasy Players to draft: Diontae Johnson and Chubba Hubbard are highly undervalued. I mean someone has to catch and run with the ball. Adam Thielen continues to not suck and be a decent guy to have on your team. I am high on drafting Jonathan Brooks. He won’t play for a few weeks but you can stash him on your IR spot.

Predicted record: 6-11

4th Place: New Orleans Saints

Is it just me or does this team get older and older every year? I feel like they keep rolling the same guys out there but somehow have massive salary cap issues. Derek Carr is not very good. Their O-line is not very good and their defense is aging. Also their coach seems like he is in over his head. I think this is the year it all falls apart and they finally have to rebuild the thing.

Reason they win the division: I am wrong and all their old players play way better than expected.

Reason they won’t win the division: their coach and QB are both bad and the organization finally goes into rebuild mode.

Fantasy Players to draft: Chris Olave for sure. Kamara catches lots of passes and they don’t really have anyone else to run the ball. Assuming Carr has time to throw the ball you can take a shot on Rashid Shaheed. He’s been a little bit up and down but he might be a little more up now that Michael Thomas is finally gone.

Predicted Record: 6-11

AFC South

1st Place: Houston Texans

The Texans finished strong last year and even won a playoff game. On paper they got even better and everyone is high on them and is predicting them to make a run to the AFC championship. All this hype has all the makings of an utter disappointment which would be about right for the Texans. But I trust the coach and Stroud to not fall into the trap. They got way better on defense and got even more weapons on offense. I don’t think they are as far ahead of the other teams in the division as others do but I think they do enough to win it.

Reason they will win the division: They have the best roster in the division.

Reason they won’t win the division: Stroud is a one hit wonder.

Fantasy players to draft: Umm…all of them. Stroud, Nico, Tank, Diggs, Mixon and Dalton Schultz are all worth drafting.

Predicted Record: 11-6

2nd Place: Jacksonville Jaguars

You remember when they were 8-3 last year? They got banged up and didn’t play well the rest of the way. Lawrence was particularly average and everyone is questioning if he will ever be consistently great. You know what is consistently great? His hair. Look, maybe one day I’ll stop believing in the Jags but that day is not today. They get back to their winning ways and beware the hair becomes a thing as Lawrence plays lights out.

Reason they will win the division: Besides the hair? They are talented and have a coach that knows how to win.

Reason they won’t win the division: Trevor cuts his hair thus losing all his power just like Samson in the Bible.

Fantasy Players to draft: I drafted Lawrence in one of my leagues last year and he was alright. He should do better this year. Christian Kirk when healthy always performs well. Their tight end Engram is really good especially in PPR leagues. Brian Thomas Jr is a rookie that has high upside. But the guy you really want is their running back Travis Etienne.

Predicted Record: 10-7

3rd Place: Indianapolis Colts

The Colts almost made the playoffs last year with Gardner Minshew playing QB. They have some talent and I like their coach. But I just think they are a step behind the other two and it starts with the quarterback. Anthony Richardson is high on everyone’s fantasy draft board but one, I don’t think he as good as Lawrence and Stroud at real football and two, the guy can’t stay healthy. I mean he only finished two games last year. That will be their demise and they will fall short of expectations and the playoffs. Plus, I mean Indy isn’t even in the South so how can they win the division. But don’t worry they still have more AFC East division titles than the Jets.

Reason they will win the division: Richardson stays healthy and gets better at real football.

Reason they won’t win the division: Richardson finishes slightly more games than last year but not a lot more.

Fantasy Players to draft: If you want to take the risk that Richardson plays a lot of games then he is definitely worth drafting. Jonathan Taylor and Michael Pittman Jr. are guys you definitely want. Its kind of a crap shoot after that.

Predicted Record: 8-9

Forth Place: Tennessee Titans

The Titans will rise and fall with Will Levis. They have some good skill players. They tried to improve their defense. I’m just not sure Will Levis is the guy. And a lot of their other players are kind of a mystery too. Is Hopkins going to be healthy? Will Tony Pollard be back to form? Is Calvin Ridley good? Too many questions for me so they are in last place.

Reason they will win the division: Levis turns out to be the man and all the other skill guys return to their form from two years ago. Except for Ridley who was suspended for the year for betting on a game two years ago. We will say 3 years ago for him.

Reason they won’t win the division: Levis isn’t the man and everyone else plays like they did last year.

Fantasy players to draft: I mean, you can draft Levis, Hopkins, Ridley, Pollard and Speaks if you want. I’m just not real excited about any of them.

Tune in next time for the AFC and NFC West breakdown!

We continue our breakdown with the NFC and AFC North. These are two of the better divisions in the league. Ironically I sort of hate all the AFC North teams and sort of like all the NFC North teams. Let’s dive in. We start with the AFC this time.

AFC North

First Place: Cincinnati Bengals

Have I mentioned I hate the Bengals? Well I do. It’s not that they beat the Chiefs a lot although that doesn’t help. It’s their cockiness and smugness. They are cocky and annoying and although they went to the Super Bowl one year, they still haven’t really won anything of significance. It seems Eminem, I mean Joe Burrow, gets hurt every other year. So does Lamar Jackson. Burrow was hurt last year and Lamar was healthy, so I am assuming the opposite is true this year which is why I have the Bengals in first place. Plus every year a team in some division goes from worst to first and this is the most obvious choice. The Bengals are talented. Burrow when healthy is one of the top quarterbacks in the league. They got a lot of guys who might be leaving after this year so it is sort of now or never for these punks. Here is hoping it is never.

Reason they will win the North: Will the real Joe Burrow please stand up…please stand up. He does and they win the north.

Reason they won’t win the North: This team sort of has a feel that will either be a championship run or they will completely fall apart with all their distractions with contracts, losing their offensive coordinator, Burrow’s hair and their all around shenanigans. Plus Burrow is fragile and their O Line still has issues. In this scenario Burrow is both slim and shady and the Bengals have a losing record.

Fantasy Players to draft: Chase…assuming he is playing and still not sitting out waiting for a contract. Also, I hate him so I won’t draft him but you should. Tee Higgins is of course draftable and my guess he will have a big year leading to a big pay day since the Bengals obviously aren’t going to resign him and Chase at this point. If you want a pretty good Qb who will be consistent for you, that’s Burrow assuming he is healthy. Zach Moss and Chase Brown are the running backs. Moss is supposed to be the starter but Brown has more upside.

Predicted Record: 12-5

2nd Place: Baltimore Ravens

Even when Lamar inevitably gets hurt, this team still makes the playoffs. They have a slightly harder schedule than the Bengals pulling the Bills and Texans instead of the Patriots and Titans. I think that will be the difference as the Bengals win both of those games and the Ravens drop one of them. I’m interested to see Derek Henry in the offense. In theory, this should be a dream scenario, Derek and Lamar in the same offense. But communism works in theory. King Henry isn’t getting any younger and he is in the range when running backs start to fade. But I think he has a chance to have a good year because he won’t be relied on to be the entire offense like he was in Tennessee. This is a good football team with an annoying but good coach. It’s hard for me to imagine them not making the playoffs. On a side note, is it just me or does John Harbaugh have a really punchable face?

Reason they will win the North: Lamar stays healthy. Henry looks like Henry from two years ago. The receivers don’t suck and they win division.

Reason they won’t win the North: Lamar gets hurt, Henry looks old, the receivers look like they do every year.

Fantasy Players to Draft: Lamar obviously. Maybe draft a back up for when Lamar gets hurt. I am not as high on Henry as some of the professional fantasy nerds but he is also hard to pass up because he has the potential to be a touchdown machine. Mark Andrews is a solid tight end that will likely finish in the top 5 at his position assuming he stays healthy. I’m steering clear of Ravens receivers but if you are going to get one, Zay Flowers is the one to get. Just don’t count on him holding on to the football when it matters most. 🙂

Predicted Record: 11-6

3rd Place: Pittsburgh Steelers

I am torn about the Steelers. The Steelers don’t ever have a losing record. But they got Russell Wilson as Quarterback. I am torn on what to do with this team. I don’t particularly like the Steelers or Russ. So the Steelers losing would be a win for me. But Tomlin seems to always find a way. He also often finds extra food and spit in his beard. I think they start slow, Russ plays poorly and they move on to Fields who gives the team life. They make a run and everyone is excited but they fall just short of the playoffs but Fields does just enough to get overpaid in the offseason and then suck the following year. Regardless surely, the QB play will be better than Kenny Pickett.

Reason they will win the North: Russ plays good enough like he did 4 years ago in Seattle. He has good weapons and they get Brandon Aiyuk to top things off. The defense does steeler defensive things.

Reason they won’t win the North: Russ plays like he has the past 3 years.

Fantasy Players to draft: Ugh…I’m not real excited about any of these guys. If Aiyuk gets traded to the Steelers then definitely draft him. George Pickens is draftable as well. Both Najee Harris and Jalen Warren will get drafted. I prefer Warren because he catches more passes and Harris only does well when he is not on my team. Their tight end Pat Freimuth is pretty good when healthy and someone can get him the ball.

Predicted Record: 10-7

4th Place: Cleveland Browns

The Browns made the playoffs led by Joe Flacco, not to be confused with Shane Falco. But prior to Joe taking over the Browns were not that good. Massage boy has not been the same since moving to Cleveland. Maybe it is the lack of massages. Maybe he is a bad fit for the offense. Maybe he was never really that good. But regardless, the last few years were supposed to be the comeback year. Watson has almost as many predicted comeback years as he does accusers. Honestly on paper this team is pretty good. The weak link seems to be the QB with 300 million guaranteed. That’s an odd predicament to be in. But it is pretty classic Browns. At least 4 new teams make the playoffs each year and that means at least 4 teams don’t go back to the playoffs the next year. I’m guessing the Browns are one of them.

Reason they will win the North: Massage boy returns to the form he played at when he was…well getting massages.

Reason they won’t win the North: Watson plays like he has the last few years.

Fantasy Players to Draft: Amari Cooper is still really good and no one seems to care. But you should during your fantasy draft. Their tight end Njoku finally lived up to his potential but most of his production came when Shane Falco started playing. So I am leery on drafting him. People are still drafting Nick Chubb even though their is no time table on his return. If you can stash him on an IR spot go ahead. But I prefer targeting Jerome Ford who will definitely play this year. By the time Chubb can play, you might already be eliminated.

Predicted Record: 8-9

NFC North

First Place: Green Bay Packers

I predicted the Packers would win the division last year. I got laughed at on sports platforms when I said the same thing. People said they would win 4 or 5 games. Well turns out we were both wrong. They didn’t win the division but they did make the playoffs. I think they do both this year. Of course I am banking that the Jordan Love of the last 10 games will be the Jordan Love this year. The Packers are literally banking on that as they just gave him a truckload of money. But this team is solid. They have great weapons. They added Jordan Jacobs. Love has like 47 guys to throw too. The defense on paper is improved. And I trust Matt LaFluer. They are young and have enough depth to get through a grueling season. Plus their schedule is easier than the Lions.

Reason they will win the North: Jordan Love continues his ascend. The weapons stay healthy and Jordan Jacobs gets back to his form from two years ago now that he doesn’t play for the awful Raiders.

Reason they won’t win the North: Jordan Love played his best 10 games last year. Made bank and sucks it up, heading towards early retirement as a rich, rich man.

Fantasy players to draft: Love is currently the 9th QB coming off the board in drafts. He is a great grab at that spot. I like Jacobs and he is typically going in the 3rd round which is about where I would want to take him. It’s hard to decide who to draft between their receivers Reed, Watson, Doubs and Wicks. They are all solid. My first choice is Reed because he gets the ball in a lot of different ways. I also like Watson a lot because if he stays healthy and I know it is a big if…but if he does he might be the steal of the draft where you can get him. Wicks is more explosive than Doubs so I’d probably draft him next. But in most leagues I’ll have at least one of these guys on my team. If you want to draft TE depth…which I never do, Musgrave and Kraft are both good options.

Predicted Record: 12-5

2nd Place: Detroit Lions

The Lions met and even exceeded expectations last year. I doubted them not because of their talent but because they are the Lions. Now the question is can they do what the Lions haven’t done since the 50’s which is be good in back to back years. Dan Campbell is a little annoying and a little lovable all at the same time. Jared Goff is a pretty good quarterback with a ton of weapons and a great o-line. The question mark is the defense. They did a lot in the offseason to make it better but will it all come together for them? I think they will be a very solid team and they have a lot of upside. If they can play better defensively and avoid the injury bug they should have a shot at a championship run. The reason I have them in second place is because their schedule is pretty brutal. But I would not be shocked if the Lions and Packers switched places.

Reason they will win the North: The Lions stay healthy, the defense improves and they handle the tough schedule.

Reason they won’t win the North: They do what the Lions usually do.

Fantasy Players to draft: I am all about Amon-Ra St. Brown. He is one of the most consistent players in the league. Sam Laporta is arguably TE 1 and often the first one off the board in drafts. Both running backs are definitely worthy of having on your team. Jameson Williams has high upside and the price is right because you can wait quite a while to draft him.

Predicted record: 11-6

3rd Place: Chicago Bears

Hey did you know the Bears drafted Caleb Williams? Did you know he is good at playing quarterback? He’s basically the best quarterback to ever play. That’s what everyone keeps telling us anyway. His play in the preseason game certainly didn’t do anything to lessen that belief. This has the feel of the first year with Mahomes at starter. The Chiefs did all they could to surround Pat with weapons to help his early success. Well the Bears have done the same. They have a ton of people to catch the ball. Their defense greatly improved during last year. Their biggest question is probably their offensive line but as Pat has proven over the years, when you are a versatile, mobile, creative quarterback you don’t necessarily need the best O-line. Can Caleb live up to the hype? Can Chicago finally find their franchise quarterback? Time will tell.

Reason they will win the North: Caleb matches expectations and the defense plays like it did the end of last year.

Reason they won’t win the North: the Bears can’t have nice things….especially at Quarterback.

Fantasy Players to draft: Caleb is sort of a diva which makes me not want to draft him. But taking him behind some one steady makes sense because of his upside depending on how many bench spots you have. DJ Moore is a no brainer. I have always disliked Keenan Allen as a player but he is a good fantasy player that always delivers. Cole Kmet is a red zone machine but I am fearful with all the new players his targets may be reduced. Deandre Swift is serviceable and should get opportunities. Khalil Herbert is a good handcuff for whenever Swift inevitably gets hurt.

Predicted Record: 10-7

4th Place: Minnesota Vikings

I like their coach. I really like their best player. Their defense is good. I like their defensive coordinator. Unfortunately for the Vikings I don’t like much after that. I am a fan of Aaron Jones but he is getting older and more injury prone. Ty Chandler didn’t do much last year at running back and not sure how he got any better. Hockenson is out for a good portion of the year. Now their rookie Qb is out for the season. Are we really trusting Sam Darnold to run this thing? The Vikings haven’t had this many issues since they threw parties on boats.

Reason they win the North: Sam Darnold finally plays to the level he was expected to when he got drafted and no one else gets hurt.

Reason they won’t win the North: Sam Darnold is their quarterback.

Players to draft in fantasy: I would still draft Justin Jefferson if my 81 year old mom was throwing to him. I wouldn’t want Aaron Jones as my number 1 back but I wouldn’t mind having him on my team. If you don’t like your tight end and want to store Hockenson in your IR spot until December…go for it!

Predicted Record: 6-11

Tune in next week when we head to the South and cover team like Indianapolis.

NFL Football returns this week with the first round of preseason games. Yes, I know the hall of fame game already happened but they didn’t even finish it because of rain, none of the starters played a snap and it was just one game…well two thirds of a game so it doesn’t really count. But now it starts to get real. We are just 4 weeks away from the season kicking off. And with the return of football comes the return of Fifth-Down…whether you wanted it or not. Over the next 4 weeks, I’ll be bringing you my breakdowns of each division and probably some other fun stuff along the way. We kick things off with the East.

NFC East

1st Place: Philadelphia Eagles

No one has won this division in back to back years since Andy Reid was coaching the Eagles. The Cowboys won it last year after the Eagles imploded the second half of the season. Yes, they lost Jason Kelce so maybe the push tush won’t be used quite as often. But they got Saquon Barkley and already had the best roster in the division. I am sure they will be pissed about how last year ended which should give them a lot of motivation to not suck it up this year. Sure there are rumors swirling that the coach and QB don’t get along…if they played in a different division that might matter but as I look at all their rosters and schedules I don’t see anyone else winning this division.

Reason they will win the East: I have little to no faith in anyone else in the division. They have the best offensive weapons and a good enough defense.

Reason they won’t win the East: Nick Siranni is kind of a weirdo and I am still not sure how great of a coach he is. He makes some dumb decisions to cost them games they should win and lands them another wild card instead of the division and gets fired after the season because Hurts and everyone else hates him.

Fantasy Players to Draft:

We can argue about how good Jalen Hurts is compared to other quarterbacks in real life but in fantasy football he is definitely a top dog. He has great weapons to throw to and runs for lots of touchdowns. You definitely want to draft Barkley because he will be real good for the 10 games he is healthy. AJ Brown and Devontae Smith should definitely be drafted as well. Dallas Goedert is being quietly underrated going into the season because he got hurt late. Please don’t draft him in the late rounds because I am going to. Basically any starters for this team are draftable.

Predicted Record: 12-5

2nd Place: Dallas Cowboys

The Cowboys are going all in according to Jerry Jones. Apparently going all in now stands for doing nothing. Dallas lost some decent players and really didn’t bring anyone in that is real exciting. CeeDee Lamb is holding out for a new contract and Jerry just said he is in no rush to get a new contract done. I mean he still has 4 weeks before the season starts and Ceedee doesn’t need to practice. “We talking about practice!” They traded out Tony Pollard for Ezekiel Elliot who returns even older and slower than when he left. And everyone will continue to try and convince us that Dak is great but sadly we will not be convinced. Add on to this a pretty challenging schedule and I don’t see these Cowboys making the playoffs.

Reason they will win the East: We are all actually wrong about Dak. He plays awesome and wins the division.

Reason they won’t win the East: Dak is who we think he is. The schedule is harder and the team is worse than last year.

Fantasy Players to Draft: CeeDee Lamb should be an early pick assuming he is playing at that point. Dak is serviceable at QB if CeeDee is playing if not, maybe stash him as QB 2 incase CeeDee comes back or your starter gets hurt. Jake Ferguson gets a lot of red zone looks and if Lamb doesn’t sign then his value rises.

Predicted Record: 9-8

3rd Place: Washington whatever they’re called now

The Commanders are interesting this year. Dan Quinn has been a pretty good head coach in the past. They brought in Kliff Kingsbury to try to get more women fans and to run the offense. He will be airing it out for better or worse. They have a rookie quarterback who can run around. He’s sort of like when Kliff had Kyler Murray in Arizona. Only this time his quarterback can see over the line. They have some good skill players and in theory good defensive players even though they haven’t performed that well over the last couple of years in that department. Finishing last in 2023, gives them a less than daunting schedule. I think this is a team that begins to find it’s groove about half way through the season and is a team we talk about making the playoffs in 2025.

Reason they will win the East:

They start better than I expect and Kliff’s handsomely good looks create tension with all the other team’s players and coaches and their spouses as they spend too much time arguing and not enough time in their own playbooks.

Reason they won’t win the East:

It’s too soon at best and at worst this the same disaster of an organization that we have been watching for the last couple of decades.

Fantasy Players to Draft: Jayden Daniels might win you the season. He also might be terrible. Terry McLaurin should have a big year if Daniels is good at all, it will be a massive year. Brian Robinson and Austin Ekeler are both running backs worth drafting to fill in your bench spots.

Predicted Record: 8-9

4th Place: The New York Football Giants (that are actually in New Jersey)

The Giants were not good last year. They didn’t get better this year. The schedule isn’t too rough and I do think Brian Dabol is a good coach. I just think they are the least talented team in the division. Daniel Jones is not good. They lost their best offensive player. I don’t have a lot of good things to say about them. But hey, maybe they won’t suck quite as bad as I think they will.

Reason they will win the East:

All the other teams have major injuries and Dabol coaches his way to a division winner.

Reason they won’t win the East:

The offense is looking rough as expected.

Fantasy Players to draft: Devin Singletary because they have to hand off to someone. Malik Nabers because they have to throw to someone. That’s all I got.

Predicted record: 6-11

AFC East:

1st Place: Buffalo Bills

Look, I get it. On paper the Bills look a little worse. They lost some guys on defense and their best receiver. On paper, the Jets and Dolphins look better than the Bills. So why do I have the Bills in first? Quite simply, I don’t trust the Jets or the Dolphins. And I do trust Josh Allen during the regular season. He’s still the QB I trust the most in the division. I think he has more weapons than we give them credit for, more on that in the fantasy football section. And they have a defensive minded coach that will help the defense be good enough. So the Bills are headed to the playoffs so they can have another heart breaking loss to the Chiefs. Congrats, Bills.

Reason They will win the East:

Josh Allen balls out like normal. Their young talent develops quickly and the other east teams do their normal falling apart tricks.

Reason they won’t win the East:

Josh Allen regresses and goes back to being a turnover machine, the Jets and/or Dolphins live up to their hype and all Bills fans are happy because they don’t have to watch their team lose in a heart breaking way to the Chiefs yet again.

Fantasy Players to draft: Josh Allen obviously. Love him or hate him, Josh Allen is a top fantasy quarterback. James Cook is a very good running back that should have an even better year this year although he loses some touchdowns to Allen. He’s especially valuable in PPR leagues because he catches a lot of passes. You should draft either Shakir, Cobrun or Samuel at receiver…which one? Your guess is as good as mine. Kincaid at tight end should have a breakout year.

Predicted Record: 11-6

2nd Place: New Jersey Jets

I was going to put the Jets in 3rd place. Then I realized they won 7 games last year with just disastrous quarterback play. It seems like with Aaron Rodgers they should be able to win 2 or 3 more games. Nothing would surprise me with the Jets. If they went 5-12 I wouldn’t be shocked. If they went to the Super Bowl, I wouldn’t be shocked. I don’t trust Rodgers health or his ability to win in the playoffs. I don’t trust their offensive coordinator either. I saw enough of him in Denver to know he is a disaster. He is buddies with Rodgers which means Rodgers is basically the offensive coordinator and I don’t trust him in that role either. But they got talent and should be much better offensively. The beginning of the schedule after game 1 is pretty easy and the end of the schedule is pretty tough. They win more division games than the Dolphins to squeak out the 2nd place finish.

Reason they will win the East:

Rodgers stays healthy and plays lights out, the defense stays the same. The find a number 2 receiver somewhere and they play as well as the media wants them to.

Reason they won’t win the East:

Rodgers gets hurt 4 minutes into the first game. Or he stays healthy but doesn’t play as well and is his normal weird not so great teammate self.

Fantasy Players to draft: I am very high on Breece Hall. That dude can play. I drafted Garrett Wilson because I thought he would have a breakout year with Rodgers at QB. He did not, but was still decent. I am sure if you draft him and I don’t he will be the highest scoring receiver in the league. Rodgers could be a sneaky good pick in the later rounds especially in deeper leagues where you might want to grab a second QB.

Predicted Record: 10-7

3rd Place: Miami Dolphins

I like the Dolphins. I have liked the Dolphins since Dan Marino was playing for them when I was a kid. They just don’t win stuff. I mean they win games. But they don’t win playoff games. They have a lot of fun players and are entertaining but they just don’t win when it matters most. Tua is decent but not great. And they can’t play in the cold which makes it really hard to win playoff games in Buffalo, KC, and Baltimore. Because of all those things, I think they will be in the playoff hunt but won’t win the division.

Reason they will win the East:

Their talent finally gets it done and doesn’t disappoint everyone when it matters most. Tua plays better than we think he is and Tyreek and the gang stay healthy.

Reason they won’t win the East:

They do what the Dolphins always do…get their fan base all excited and then lose in the wild card round or just miss the playoffs.

Fantasy Players to draft: This is where the Dolphins are winners. Draft Tyreek Hill…duh. Waddle, yes. Achane, yes. Mostert, yes. Jonnu Smith is a good tight end to draft late. Tua isn’t a terrible QB to have either because he has so many weapons to throw to.

Predicted Record: 10-7

4th Place: New England Patriots

This is a bad football team. I mean they don’t have a lot going for them. They weren’t good last year. Or the year before. Or the year before that, really. Now they lost the best coach ever after losing the best quarterback ever. So things are not looking good. I’d like to give Patriots fans hope…actually I don’t care about Patriot fans. Tough break, suckers. You can all continue to instead waste your time posting about why Tom Brady is still the Goat even though even he wanted to leave your crappy team.

Reason they will win the East:

The other 3 teams simultaneously fall into the Atlantic Ocean.

Reason they won’t win the East:

The other 3 teams don’t simultaneously fall into the Atlantic Ocean.

Fantasy Players to draft: their running back, Stevenson…if you absolutely have to. That’s literally the only guy I would consider.

Predicted Record: 4-13

Tune in next week for the AFC and NFC North!

Well we are one day away from the big game. I am sure you are all as excited as I am. The 49ers have been the best team in the NFC all year. Meanwhile, the Chiefs waited until the playoffs to finally play good functional football. It’s a rematch of 4 years ago. All the Super Bowl hoopla is behind us and it is almost game time. Here are some final thoughts and my official prediction of the game. 

1. What’s at stake:

The 49ers were once 5-0 in the Super Bowl but haven’t won one since 1994. They are 0-2 since Steve Young and the gang hoisted the Lombardi. Kyle Shanahan is regarded as one of the best coaches in the league but doesn’t have a championship and has a big blown lead as a head coach and offensive coordinator. Also, their window isn’t closing but it will get harder. They will have to start paying or replacing some of their younger players. Brock Purdy is probably not going to keep playing for 800k a year. So this is a big opportunity for them to get a win in before things get hard salary cap wise. On the flip side, the Chiefs have somehow managed to get to the big game for the 4th time in 5 years with the highest paid QB in the league. A dynasty is on the line because if you win 3 and 2 in a row that apparently is what a dynasty is. Andy would leap a few coaches in the greatest coach category and Pat would solidify himself as no worse than 3rd greatest QB ever after playing only 6 years. CBS has shots of Taylor Swift on the field after the game at stake. 

2. Underdogs all around:

The Chiefs are underdogs according to Vegas for the 3rd game in a row. They are already 2-0 and they are ridiculously good as underdogs as I mentioned earlier this week. They relish the role and they have also become the villain somehow so anyone that is not a Chiefs fan or a swift fan, is going to be cheering against them. But now the 49ers can be the underdog because everyone is picking the Chiefs. This is mostly due to the fact that they are tired of picking against them and losing. Even the hated Skip Bayless picked the Chiefs. Although I believe this is mostly so he can argue with Richard Sherman on Monday. Some guy named Craig Carton is adamantly against us apparently since his clips keep showing up on my Facebook feed. He works for FS1 so he has learned that divisive takes are the only ones that count in this business. But other than him, the predictions are highly in favor of the Chiefs. Whoever wins is going to talk about how everyone is against them so that is fun.

3. The Halftime show will suck:

Usher wasn’t good 20 years ago. He hasn’t gotten better. If LiL John doesn’t make an appearance it will be even worse than expected. I am sure he will have some surprises and I saw a rumor that Justin Bieber might make an appearance. So it could be a whole chorus of formerly popular creepy men. Can’t wait.

4. Some commercials will be woke and some people will complain:

The Commercials used to be the fun part of the Super Bowl until they all stopped trying to be funny and instead started to push an agenda. I don’t really care what the agenda is. I do care about laughing. Luckily, about the same time this started happening, the Chiefs started winning so I didn’t care that much. This year is no different. But I am sure there will at least be a few commercials that will put half the nation into an outraged state. My wife is very passionate about some of these things. So I wait for her to tell me what I am no longer allowed to buy or which stores I am no longer allowed to shop in. I don’t care about those things but I do care about my wife being happy. Much easier to get a different beer than it is to get a different wife.

5. No matter what happens…Jeff’s sad time is coming:

As much as I love the Chiefs winning and them being in the Super Bowl, football is almost over. Sure there is Free Agency and the draft but overall this will be my sad sports time until next fall when it all starts again. But this is also what is great about football. Baseball, Basketball, Hockey are all extremely long seasons. I have never uttered the words “it’s already over?” about any of those sports. But I already can’t wait for the next football season. 

The Big Game:

Well, lets get too it. This game should be a great one. The 49ers have been playing close games lately and the Chiefs only play close games. There are stars and story lines all over the field and even in the stands. You couldn’t ask for a better game. Jim Nantz and Tony Romo will be on the call and much like the Chiefs, Romo was once loved and now hated for some reason. The stage is set and after all this week’s shenanigans I am sure the teams are as ready as ever to actually play football. This will be a back and forth battle. Both teams are great and I think it will be close to the end. 

Reasons for the 49ers to have hope:

They have the best roster in football. They have the best offensive player in football. They have the best skill players in football. They have good edge rushers against the Chiefs terrible tackles. The game is on CBS. The Chiefs are 0-1 in the Super Bowl on CBS and 2-0 on Fox. They are due.

Reasons for the Chiefs to have hope:

Patrick Mahomes. Best defense the Chiefs have had in a long time and the best second half defense in the league. Playoff Kelce. Andy Reid, Spags and did I mention Patrick Mahomes. They are a more balanced team than they have been in the past. They got Taylor Swift cheering for them. I’ll have my Mahomes jersey on…and oh yeah, they got Patrick Mahomes. 

Prediction:

The 49ers will want to get off to a fast start which they have failed to do the last 2 games. Meanwhile the Chiefs have started fast but had trouble scoring in the second half all year.  I think the Chiefs get on the board first with a td and then the 49ers answer with a field goal. The Chiefs answer back with a fg of their own. After a couple of punts back and forth, the 49ers tie it up with a td. The chiefs get a fg to close out the half and lead 13-10. The 49ers get the ball to start the second half and drive down to take the lead 17-13. The Chiefs go 3 and out and the 49ers drive again but the defense holds and they have to settle for a fg. After a few punts back and forth, the Chiefs drive down and Mahomes hits Kelce to tie it up at 20. The 49ers are on the move but stall out around the 50 yard line. They decide to pin the Chiefs deep with 4 and half minutes to go. Mahomes leads them on a meticulous Brady like drive eating up the entirity of the clock to set up Butker for a 34 yard field goal that he kicks perfectly through the upright for a Chiefs victory. Mahomes is MVP and the Chiefs win back to back for the first time in nearly 20 years and a Dynasty is finalized. 

Chiefs 23 49ers 20