The Presidential Election is less than two weeks away. Like you, I will miss all the cheery tv ads where they degrade their opponent. Each Presidential election I get less and less excited about placing my vote. But this year is an exception. Because the candidates are in my opinion epically bad, I decided to vote for someone who would be much better or at a minimum easily defeat either of them in a debate and that someone is me. I may not have the on paper qualifications of the current candidates but unlike Kamala I do have original thoughts and unlike Trump I can occasionally put my ego aside and keep my mouth shut. So before you go to the polls let me give you 10 reasons to vote for yours truly. These are of course all sports related.
10. Discontinue instant replay in Baseball. I have no idea why they even waste their time with this. They never change the calls even if it is obvious that they should.
9. Shorten the NHL season by 20 games. Why in the world are we playing hockey in June??? And it has already started so why do we need such a long season.
8. Shorten the NBA season by 20 games. Again, why do we need NBA basketball from October to almost July? Also, the players only play 60 games each now anyway because they are a bunch of pansies. So just give them what they want and shorten the season.
7. Get rid of the stupid NBA In Season tournament. This is the dumbest thing ever as they are just trying to make their sport relevant in a time when no one cares about it yet. I didn’t even know they did this until they brought up during the real playoffs.
6. Fire all NCAA Division 1 Basketball refs. These guys are the worst officials in all of sports and that says a lot because officiating is pretty awful everywhere. Hire some young up and comers and tell them two things, one call the game consistent and second call what actually happens instead of what you speculate is going to happen.
5. Realign College football so it makes sense again. I have no problem with the direction of college football overall. It is what it is. But what I do have a problem with is Miami playing Cal in a conference game. What the hell are we doing here? I’ll reorganize things geographically and it will all make sense again.
4. Once you become an adult you get 1 favorite team for each sport to cheer for and 1 college. Sure you can occasionally cheer for other teams. I watch every NFL game I can and I am always sort of cheering for one team or the other. But some adults out there are out of control. I have one buddy who is a Raiders fan but because they are obviously terrible he also cheers for the Bills, Packers and now the Lions. I mean, come on, the Lions and Packers are in the same division. I had a friend named Luke who used to say you couldn’t cheer for a team unless you became a fan of that team when you were a little kid or you lived near the team for a significant amount of time. That seems fair enough but I once had a boss who was a Georgia football fan, a Kentucky basketball fan and a Cardinals baseball fan. He was technically playing by the rules but come on, he is just picking winning teams. And you should be forced to pick one college to cheer for everything on. The same guy never cared about Kentucky football or Georgia basketball. So part of your registering to vote will be declaring your fandom.
3. I will have a staff member make a montage of bad calls that effect each game in the NFL each week and those of us who are Chiefs fans will have access to the montage in order to send it to people in response to all their dumb comments about the refs being for the Chiefs and the league being rigged.
2. There will be a salary cap in baseball. The Yankees are playing the Dodgers in the World Series. No one saw that coming. Sure a small market team can make the playoffs but certain teams have so much more capital it is ridiculous and impossible to stay competitive long term. The Yankees payroll was basically the same as the Royals, Tigers and Guardians combined. Why is the NFL great? Because a team goes from last to first in their division each season. Every game can be close because the talent gap is not dramatically wide between the worst and best team. This is one of the reasons it is the most watched sport in America. It’s time for Baseball to get on board.
1. Move the Super Bowl to the Sunday before President’s day. Literally no one is productive the day after the Super Bowl anyway. This way we can all eat and drink as much as we want and stay up as late as we want and then recover the next day. Does this diminish President’s day? Not anymore than our current candidates have. So hey, if we have to suffer through these idiots running our country, the least they can do is give us the day after the Super Bowl off.
There you go. When you go to place your vote my official name is Jeffrey David Campbell.
Tune in tomorrow for 5 for Friday.