We are 7 weeks done after another Monday night double header. I’m not a fan of multiple Monday night games. Not because I don’t want more football but because I don’t want to hear Dan Orlovsky talk anymore. He is the PFF of announcers. He used to be original and insightful. But now he is working so hard to sound smart that he actually sounds dumb. Anyway, you know what isn’t dumb? My always perfect and accurate rankings. Let’s dive in.

Hot Garbage in a new bag: Jets

They are just so bad. But they benched their quarterback. So basically they are switching from hefty to glad but it’s still trash on the inside.

Slightly less stinky but still trash: Raiders, Titans and Dolphins

Raiders had 3 first downs while running 30 plays on Sunday. The only reason they didn’t lose by 50 was because Andy Reid is a nice guy. The Dolphins got rolled by the Browns. Yes you read that correctly. Tua has lost all respect and apparently the ability to play football as well. Titans got a new coach and it helped…for a whole quarter. Then they were back to their old selves.

Not offensive: Browns and Texans

A little double meaning here. These teams have great defenses but their offenses suck. But they aren’t completely offensive to watch.

Scrappy but not good: Saints, Cardinals and Giants

All 3 of these teams will put up some points and stick around in games. And sometimes they completely implode to lose games they obviously should have won.

Kind of a mess: Commanders, Vikings, and Panthers

All these teams are kind of good but sort of fall apart at times. Some of it is injuries. Some of it is inconsistency. Some of it is having Carson Wentz as your quarterback.

Depends on the week: Falcons

One week I’m like look at the Falcons, I think they could make the playoffs. Then the next week I’m like look at the Falcons, they suck again.

The Replacements: Joe Flacco and the Bengals

I cannot wait until Joe Burrow gets healthy and comes back to the team and arrogantly starts to tell everyone what to do and yells at the Bengals deaf tight end and leads the Bengals to a disastrous first half only to have Flacco hop off his house boat show up in the locker room at half time and for Zac Taylor to be rocking a tom laundry hat and say “What took you so long?” To which he will respond, “traffic.” Flacco will lead them to glory after the inspiring words, “pain heals, chicks dig scars, glory is forever.” They win the game and then celebrate with strippers dressed up as cheerleaders. It’s gonna be awesome.

About to go on a run or be eliminated: Ravens

If you look at their schedule, the Ravens could win the next 8 games and be sitting 8-5. They could also lose to the Bears this week and be done.

Don’t get defensive: Cowboys

Dallas is the anti Texans and Browns. They can score on anyone. But everyone also typically scores more than them.

Grin and Bear it: Bears

Hey they Bears aren’t terrible. That should be enough to have Bears fans smiling.

Goodish: Steelers, Chargers, Jaguars

All these teams could make the playoffs. But they all sort of have issues that I think will keep them out. The Steelers are old, the Chargers are injured and the Jags are…well…the Jags.

At least they have Josh Allen: Bills

The Bills are going to be in it. They have Josh Allen. But their weapons aren’t very good. Their defense isn’t very good and I’m not sure their coach is very good. But they will still probably win 13 games.

Really, really good…sometimes: Eagles and Broncos

The Eagles are the best team in football for parts of lots of games. But they can’t seem to put 4 quarters together which makes me less high on them as others. The Broncos are dysfunctional on offense for like 3 and a half quarters and then they look like the early 2000’s Rams playing a middle school defense the last half a quarter. It’s bizarre. I’m not sure if it is sustainable so either they will start playing better throughout the whole game or just not be good on offense. Time will tell.

I think they are good but they better start playing like it: Packers

The Packers are 4-1-1 but really haven’t looked great since week 2. They got to get their stuff together starting this week or I’m moving them back.

The Dynasty Duo: Chiefs and Patriots

Both teams played really well and dominated their games. Those games were against the Raiders and Titans so I can’t move them up too much.

Bake show got baked: Bucs

Woof, that was a rough game. I think they will bounce back but they got a lot of injuries and didn’t have a lot of answers last night.

Dominant in Detroit: Lions

They are a good team. They are a really good team at home during the regular season. Not sure it will translate when it matters but you never know.

NFC West minus the Cardinals: 49ers, Rams, Seahawks

They aren’t perfect and they all have their strengths and weaknesses but they can all win in weird scenarios and without some of their guys. I’m still not sure the 49ers can sustain this success with the injuries. I’m not sure that Sam Darnold won’t become the Sam Darnold of old at any moment. But both teams are getting it done right now. The Rams are the team I have the most confidence in of the 3.

Just like we all expected: Colts

7 weeks in, as we all expected, the team with the best record in the NFL is the Colts. They have been the most consistent team through 7 weeks. As Daniel Jones said after the game to the media, “I guess you guys didn’t know very much.” He’s not wrong. If he keeps playing the way he has they have enough around him to be dangerous come January.