Well that was certainly an interesting week in the NFL. The league took the saying “Any Given Sunday” very literal this week. Let’s jump into the always accurate and correct rankings.

Hot Garbage: Jets

The Jets are the first team in NFL history to be 0-5 and create zero turnovers. They are occasionally competitive but mostly just trash.

Hold my beer: Cardinals

To all the teams that lost in weird ways this week (eagles, chiefs, seahawks, rams, etc.) they all have nothing on the Cardinals who were about to go up 28-6 when yet another player dropped the ball right before the goal line. Then they somehow intercepted a pass only to fumble it and allow the other team to recover it for a touchdown. Then they couldn’t get a first down and couldn’t get a stop. It was the biggest meltdown I have seen in a long time, maybe ever. They are better than a lot of the teams I’m listing after them, but as punishment for their sorry of an excuse of football play down the stretch on Sunday, they are second to last for a week.

Still ass: Titans

Their QB said it not me. But winning a miracle game because the Cardinals self destructed on a level never seen before doesn’t make them good.

Raiders gonna Raider: Raiders

They are going to be better this year they said. They have Pete Carroll, they said. They have Geno Smith, a huge upgrade at quarterback, they said. They are still the Raiders.

Terrible but more entertaining than I thought they would be: Giants, Saints, Dolphins, Browns

These teams are all awful but occasionally fun to watch.

Traded for Joe Flacco: Bengals

When you are trading away draft picks to your division rival for Joe Flacco you haven’t hit rock bottom yet…but you’re close. Also, I’m real mad at the Bengals and/or Giants for not giving us a trade for Jameis Winston so we could watch him throw 50 touchdowns and 50 interceptions over the next 13 weeks.

Barely a football team: Ravens

They are missing like half their team. And it shows.

Maybe good but probably not: Falcons, Panthers, Texans, Bears, and Cowboys

These teams all had good wins or were on a bye this week. But the teams that won all beat terrible teams so I’m not sure if that means anything. The verdict is still out on all of them but I’m skeptical.

Bizarro World: Chiefs

The Chiefs right now are the opposite of what they have been the past couple of years. They score points, move the ball but make key mistakes, have a ton of penalties and lose close games in odd ways. I still think they will be fine but they are starting to run out of time to right the ship with their brutal schedule.

Might be in trouble: Chargers and Vikings

After a great start, the Chargers are already chargering things up with a ton of injuries and so so play by both their QB and their defense. I thought the Charger hype would end at some point but didn’t think it would be by week 6. And as long as the Vikings keep rolling Carson Wentz out there, it’s gonna be hard for me to believe in them.

Divisional winner by default: Steelers

Do I think the Steelers are good? I do not. But the Browns are not good offensively, the Bengals just traded for Flacco to upgrade at Quarterback and the Ravens are missing Lamar and 15 starters on defense.

Could be trouble: Commanders and Patriots

Both these teams could be trouble for the rest of the league. They got good coaches, talented young quarterbacks and momentum on their side. If they get rolling look out.

Not sure what to think: Broncos and Packers

The Broncos won against the champs on Sunday after AJ Brown was their best defender on a hail Mary play to end the game. Their two losses are by a combined 4 points and there is a real argument that they should be 5-0. At the same time, if the Titans weren’t “ass” (again Cam Ward’s words, not mine) and AJ Brown hadn’t gotten in the way they could be 1-4. So I am just not sure what to do with them but I can’t rank them below any of the other teams. Same with the Packers who beat two good teams handedly and then lost to the lowly Browns, tied the Cowboys and had a bye. They are both playoff teams but not sure beyond that.

South Surprise: Colts and Jaguars

Just as we all suspected, the Colts and Jags are both 4-1 after 5 weeks and both should really be 5-0. Can either of them sustain it? I doubt it. But they are fun for now.

NFC West minus the ridiculous Cardinals: Rams, 49ers and Seahawks

These are all really good football teams. The 49ers ability to beat the Rams with what they had out there on Thursday is impressive but not sustainable. The Rams and Seahawks have both looked great at times and then made some bone head mistakes at times. It’s going to be interesting to see how this division shakes out.

They’re Fine: Bills and Eagles

Both teams lost on Sunday to the delight to the 72 Dolphins. Those guys are the worst but to be fair to them and Dolphin fans…what else do they have. Anyway, both these teams will be fine. They have some issues but so does everyone else.

Cardiac kids: Baker and the Bucs!

The Bucs only play close games where they either win it or lose it at the very end. They mostly win it.

Somebody has to be the top team: Lions

After their embarrassing loss to the Packers in week 1, the Lions have been the most dominant team. They have also played the Bears, what’s left of the Ravens, the Browns and the Bengals who just traded for Joe Flacco. Not exactly a murderer’s row of opponents. I’m not sure how good they are but honestly, I’m not sure how good anyone is and someone has to be ranked #1 and they seem as good of a choice as anyone.