We have wrapped up week 14 and now there are just 4 weeks left of the season. Also, for many of us it is the last week of the regular season for our fantasy teams. I have 4 and two are going great and two are going poorly. But hey, 2 out of 4 isn’t bad. Anyway, besides being Fantasy Football season it is also Christmas season. In the spirit of Christmas, I rank the teams this week based upon Christmas Movies and rank the Christmas movies as well.

Krampus: Giants

I just watched this movie and it is a Christmas horror movie. And it is indeed horrific. While I was surprised at some of the people in the movie that is the end of the excitement for this movie. The Giants are so horrifically bad that a fan paid to fly a plane over the stadium to request that they turn it around. Also, there is a rumor that a Giants player paid an only fans girl to flash the other team to distract them. This is how bad the Giants are. They are so bad that they are barely a football team.

I’ll Be Home For Christmas: Raiders

This movie stars Jonathan Taylor Thomas of Home Alone fame. I haven’t seen this movie in a very long time. I think the only time I actually saw this was on a Young Life weekend trip. One of my Young Life kids, Jason who is still a great friend to this day was on the trip and refused to going on any other weekend trips in the future based upon on how bad the movie was. The Raiders are equally bad and aren’t getting better anytime soon.

Jingle All the Way: Patriots, Titans, and Jags

Jingle All the Way is a movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger where he plays a terrible father that forgets to get the one toy he is supposed to get for his son. He desperately searches the city for the toy and gets in fights with Sinbad. He also tries to steal the toy from his creepy neighbor. This is a mess of a movie but it is a Christmas movie. These teams are technically football teams but they are all a mess and just like when Jingle All the Way is on, I am just hoping for the end of these teams seasons.

It’s a Wonderful Life: Jets

This supposed great movie is long, painful, depressing and overrated. Just like the Jets and their season.

Fred Claus: Browns and Panthers

Fred Claus is a poorly done, illogical film with lots of plot holes and bad story writing. But I’m not gonna lie I find it entertaining and fun. Both the Browns and Panthers are not good, poorly organized but they are entertaining.

White Christmas: Dallas Cowboys

White Christmas was the quintessential Christmas movie many, many years ago and not so much anymore. Just like the Dallas Cowboys were a great team many, many years ago.

Polar Express: Saints and Bears

I’m not sure how I feel about the Polar Express. There is something odd about a bunch of kids on a train without adult supervision. But I thought these teams were fitting for this movie because they don’t have supervision either after firing their coaches. And just like the train ride, I can’t wait for these teams seasons to be over.

Home Alone 2: Bengals

Home Alone is entertaining but over the top ridiculous in some ways. I mean how bad are these parents? You literally put yourself in the same situation two years in a row. I don’t think they are even fit to be parents. And then when Marv and Harry chase after Kevin they get tortured in new and even more ridiculous ways. I mean they wouldn’t have survived the first battle against Kevin but this second round is all sorts of brutal. I’m not one to show sympathy for the Bengals but this season has been painfully bad despite some outstanding play by Burrow and Chase. But their owner and GM are like the parents in the movie. They make the same mistakes over and over again abandoning their players. Plus, Joe Burrow looks like Kevin so I had to use a Home Alone movie. But I love the first movie so I obviously couldn’t use that one.

Family Man: 49ers and Dolphins

Family Man is a movie about a guy who has it all but his life gets flipped upside down when he runs into a guy who is some sort of spirit or something and he sends him into a different reality where he didn’t dump his college girlfriend and is now married to her and has some kids and sells tires. The 49ers and Dolphins started the year with big aspirations but then their seasons got flipped upside down with injuries and their season turned into something they did not expect. But the difference is there is no happy ending for their seasons.

Muppets Christmas Carol: Cardinals, Falcons and Colts

I love the Muppets Christmas Carol. One of my favorite parts of the movie is how Michael Caine plays the whole thing completely straight despite being surrounded by Muppets. While it is awesome it does make the whole movie a little uneven like the two things don’t quite go together. These teams seasons have all been uneven as well and they have all been visited by the ghosts of turnovers, bad losses and the Colts got visited by the Ghost of Christmas past also known as Joe Flacco.

Scrooged: Commanders

Scrooged is an okay movie made great by the always entertaining and exceptionally great Bill Murray. I don’t think the Commanders are really that good but Jayden Daniels makes them entertaining and fun and takes a pretty good team and makes them a solid playoff contender.

Die Hard: Rams and Bucs

I know some will debate that Die Hard is a Christmas Movie but it happens on Christmas Eve and their is Christmas music throughout and many Christmas references including the great line, “Now I have a machine gun, ho, ho, ho.” If that doesn’t say Christmas, I don’t know what does. Anyway, this movie is amazing with John McClane saving the day. Both these teams have had their struggles with their own terrorists in the building only their terrorists have been injuries. But their John McClane can still come to the rescue and lead their teams to playoff success. Matthew Stafford is playing great ball and you all know I love me some Baker! Lookout for these two teams in the playoffs if they win their divisions. Their records might not be great but if they yell yippee Kaya…look out.

The Santa Clause: Texans

We watch this every year. It’s a Christmas staple. It’s not great. It’s not bad. It’s just sort of okay with some really good parts and some not so good parts. But you can count on it at Christmas. Just like you can count on the Texans this year being in the playoffs. They aren’t great. They aren’t bad. They sometimes look good and sometimes look bad. But they play in the AFC south so they will be in the tourney.

Miracle on 34th Street: Chargers and Seahawks

This is the old movie that is actually good. It’s a little slow at parts and never extremely exciting but just a good solid story with a happy conclusion. It’s not a flashy movie but one you can count on. The Chargers and Seahawks aren’t flashy either. They are just solid teams that will likely make the playoffs and lose a close game in the first round.

Love Actually: Broncos

Every Christmas I throw this on because my wife loves it. There are many flaws to the movie that ignore out of true love. While there are a couple good love stories in there in the midst of some just awful stories that include but are not limited to; Hans Gruber attempting to cheat on his wife and getting caught. A loser British guy coming to America and having a sex fest with some American women. And my personal least favorite, Rick from the Walking Dead being the worst best man ever because he is love with his best friend’s wife and then inappropriately goes and tells her that he loves her with some signs. To add to the creep factor, I found out today that Kiera Knightly was only 17 years old when she filmed that and shouldn’t be married to anyone. Gross. Anyway, I do like the funny musician guy and the story of the prime minister and the writer guy’s love stories are pretty good despite being wildly inappropriate. What does this have to do with the Broncos? I don’t know, but I watch this because I love my wife and I watch the Broncos because I love my wife so there’s your connection. Also, the Broncos are pretty good.

Christmas Story: Ravens

Christmas Story is a classic must watch every year. Or at least that is what the world tells us. I remember watching it as a kid in school and I hated it. I actually like it more now as an adult although I still can’t watch when that kid gets his tongue stuck on the ice pole. It’s a pretty good movie actually. The problem is that is on stop and kind of overrated. The Ravens have been hyped up all year and even when they are losing we are supposed to believe they are one of the top teams. They are pretty good but they aren’t great so let’s stop pretending like they are.

The Grinch: Packers

There has been a few renditions of the Grinch story over the years. This most recent one in cartoon form with Dr. Strange voicing the grinch is one of my favorites. It is fun and light hearted but still stays true to the original story and hey who doesn’t think a screaming goat isn’t funny. The Packers are fun and entertaining. I’m not sure how good they really are but I like to watch them and if they lose, my son turns into a grinch.

Christmas Chronicles: Vikings

If you haven’t watched this newer classic on Netflix then you are missing out. This a fun and entertaining adventure that tugs at the heart and is funny throughout. And Kurt Russell as Santa Claus…I bet your thinking that can’t work but it absolutely does. It has become one of our favorite Christmas movies at the Campbell house. Just like Kurt as Santa, it doesn’t seem like it should work for Sam Darnold to be awesome with the Vikings but he is. This team is legit and if they weren’t the Vikings, I’d think that they could make it to the Super Bowl.

Gremlins: Eagles

We watched Gremlins recently. It’s ridiculous and dumb and cheesy but darn is it fun and because it is ridiculous it is funny too. It’s a wonderful mess of a movie involving cute things that become ugly real quick. In case you haven’t seen it in a while, there are just three rules from keeping that from happening. Keep them out of the sunlight, don’t expose them to water and don’t feed them after midnight. It’s an 80s movie so of course all 3 of those things quickly happen. The Eagles can be fun despite their often ridiculous behavior. Nick Siranni is the leader of the pack that often makes terrible decisions and yells at his own fans. The Eagles truly are the team that can turn good things into bad things. AJ Brown is now upset because he isn’t getting the ball enough during the 9 game win streak. They just can’t have nice things and I am sure they will gremlin this thing up sooner rather than later.

The Grinch Who Stole Christmas: Steelers

The original movie is a tried and true Christmas classic. You can’t have Christmas with watching this. It’s short but great and the grinch is an incredible character. The Steelers have been having winning seasons since basically this classic first aired. They are a little grumpy but just like you can’t have Christmas without the grinch, you seldom have the playoffs without the Steelers. And just like the grinch is short, the Steelers time in the playoffs is usually pretty short too.

Home Alone: Bills

Home Alone is a great movie that we kick off the Christmas season every year with on Thanksgiving night. Even though it is ridiculous to not realize you are missing a kid until you are halfway across the world, it sets up a wonderful and funny plot. McCauley Culkin is amazing in it. The robbers are great. The supporting cast is wonderful and John Candy shows up for one of the best cameos ever. Sure the end is ridiculous. I mean, how does he set up all those traps in less than an hour? Also, the robbers would have died about halfway through the traps. But it makes for good slapstick humor and you can’t beat that. The Bills are fun and lovable and everyone cheers for them and wants them to win. They are an NFL classic. And their season always ends in some ridiculous way too. The problem is that it never ends with a happy ending. On a side note, anyone else notice that the whole family comes home, celebrates Kevin for about a minute and a half and then they all just walk away and ignore him again? If that was my family, I’d want them to disappear too.

Elf: Lions

Elf is one of my favorite Christmas movies. Will Ferrell is amazing and Bob Newhart is so good as Papa Elf. It is so well casted and executed. When Will Ferrell gets hit by the Taxi and then pops back up, I laugh so hard, I usually cry. It’s got heart and is a strong humorous movie through out. The Lions are a great team. Right now they are probably the best team. They have heart. The execute exceptionally well. They are great across the board and don’t have any glaring weaknesses. So why aren’t they number 1. It’s simple, with the game on the line, who do you trust? Dan Campbell and Jared Goff or Andy Reid and Patrick Mahomes?

Christmas Vacation: Chiefs

This is the best Christmas movie ever. It has no weaknesses. A Dad trying to pull off a ridiculously perfect Christmas. Parents and in laws that are polar opposites. A wife trying to hold it all together. Two kids trying to avoid everyone. Hilarity ensues throughout. And then Cousin Eddie shows up. The interaction with the neighbors and really just from beginning to end it is smart funny at times, ridiculous funny at times and then just physical humor at times. It’s an exceptional perfect Christmas movie even though the ending is ridiculous. Speaking of ridiculous endings…The Chiefs know no bounds. Toe just out of bounds, late PI call, overtime coin toss win, blocked kick, fumbled snap by the opponent to lose the game, and now the doink for the division. This team is ridiculously perfect. Everyone says their luck will run out. What if it doesn’t? I sort of don’t think it will. You can ask my family, I literally was laughing out loud at the end of this week’s game. I think there are 4 or 5 teams that are probably better than them right now. But do I think any of them will beat the Chiefs with everything on the line? I do not. And that is why they are the best.