Week 5 is in the books. Here are this week’s rankings from 32 to 1. This week I compare each team’s starting quarterback to a rapper because why not.

32. Drake: New England Patriots: Drake is not good. Drake Maye is probably not going to be good. But they have the same name.

31. P-Diddy: Cleveland Browns: Both Watson and P-Diddy started their careers off very well but got worse over time. And they both have ahem…off the field issues.

30. Kriss Kross: Las Vegas Raiders: They wore their clothes the wrong way. Minshew and the other guy throw the ball to the wrong team.

29. Vanilla Ice: Carolina Panthers: Both Vanilla Ice and Andy Dalton were good in 1991 and haven’t been good since.

28. Macklemore: Tennessee Titans: Macklemore sings a song about a thrift shop and the Titans just dropped their QB off at one.

27. Lil Wayne: Jacksonville Jaguars. Despite little to no knowledge of what it takes to be successful at football, Lil Wayne is always hanging around football games. Sort of like Trevor Lawrence.

26. Ice Cube: Miami Dolphins: Both Cube and Tyler Huntley were surprised that it was a good day on Sunday. Tyler didn’t give the game away and Cube didn’t use his AK.

25. Asher Roth: New Jersey Giants: Asher is barely a rapper and Daniel Jones is barely a quarterback.

24. Machine Gun Kelly: Cincinnati Bengals. Dying your hair doesn’t make you cool or successful.

23. Ice T: Los Angeles Rams. You sort of forget about Ice T and then he pops up in some crime drama and you are like oh yeah, Ice T is pretty good. Sort of like what happens with Matt Stafford when the Rams pop up on your tv.

22. Ol’ Dirty Bastard: Indianapolis Colts: I mean Joe Flacco…it just fits, right?

21. DC Talk: New Orleans Saints: Derek Carr is a really nice, Christian guy just like the guys from DC Talk. Unfortunately that trait doesn’t make them good at their actual occupations.

20. Ludacris: Philadelphia Eagles: Lulu is pretty good when he is rapping in other people’s songs. Jalen Hurts is pretty good when he has all his star players. Both of them when they are solo…not so much.

19. Eazy E: New Jersey Jets: Eazy E and his agent broke up a rap group and now Aaron Rodgers and the Jets owner are breaking up a team.

18. Common: San Fran 49ers: Common’s name is Common and everyone thinks Purdy is common. But both are actually pretty good.

17. Skee-Lo: Arizona Cardinals. Both Skee-Lo and Kyler Murray wish they were a little bit taller.

16. Future: Chicago Bears. Future’s name is Future and I think Caleb Williams might be good in the future.

15. Kendrick Lamar: Los Angeles Chargers: People think Kendrick Lamar is great. People think Justin Herbert is great. I think both are overrated.

14. Hammer: Denver Broncos: Bo was 2 Legit 2 Quit when Auburn gave up on him a few years ago. Now look at him, he’s a NFL quarterback.

13. Kanye West: Pittsburgh Steelers: Justin Fields has the Steelers playing harder, better, faster, stronger. Or at least the faster part.

12. The Weekend: Dallas Cowboys: Dak is blinded by the playoff lights.

11. DMX: Seattle Seahawks: DMX always seemed like an angry rapper. I think Geno kind of plays angry after being dumped around the league for years.

10. Limp Bizkit: Tampa Bay Bucs: Baker has the Bucs offense rollin, rollin, rollin. He and Fred Durst got that chip on their shoulder attitude.

9. Tupac: Buffalo Bills: It’s just Josh against the world for some reason because the world does not seem to want the Bills to win anything. He has shed so many tears after losing to the Chiefs in the playoffs. But that’s just the way it is. Some things will never change.

8. Flava Flav: Atlanta Falcons: Both Kirk and he love to rock big necklaces.

7. Notorious BIG: Green Bay Packers: It’s been mo money, mo problems since Jordan Love got paid, dealing with injury, bad interceptions and disgruntled teammates.

6. Snoop Dogg: Houston Texans: Just like Snoop, Stroud is a cool, chill, confident guy. Of course Stroud does it without a ton of weed in his body.

5. Jay Z: Washington Commanders: Sometimes someone shows up and just has that “it” factor. They are just naturally great. Jayden and Jay Z are like that.

4. Andre 3000: Baltimore Ravens: much like Andre, Lamar is good on his own but great as a duo with Derrick Henry. And the way Lamar plays quarterback makes him a little bit of an outkast in the league. (see what I did there).

3. Slim Shady: Detroit Lions: Will the real Jared Goff please stand up? Goff can be awesome or terrible but when he is awesome he is real awesome just like his Detroit pal, Eminem.

2. Dr. Dre: Minnesota Vikings: You remember when Dre disappeared for a while and then came back and was awesome? Sam Darnold is living his next episode.

1. DJ Khaled: Kansas City Chiefs: All Pat does is Win!

Tune in tomorrow for another edition of top 10 Thursday!