Week 1 is in the books and it did not disappoint. Well I guess if you are a fan of half the teams, it was disappointing. But hey, my team toetally won, so that is all that matters. Let’s jump into the rankings.

Somehow worse than I expected: Giants and Panthers. It looks like it will be a year long competition for the number 1 pick in the draft.

Titanic: Titans. They found a way to lose to a team whose QB didn’t throw for 100 yards. They also gave the Bears defense a lot of ways to score points in fantasy football which was unfortunate for me since I was playing against them.

They got the win but it will be one of their few: Patriots and Vikings. These two teams found a way to win. The Vikings beat an awful Giants team. The Patriots beat the Bengals in September which is basically like beating an awful Giants team.

Raiders gonna raider: 10 whopping points. ouch.

Dawg days of summer: Browns. Cleveland did not look good. And now Watson has yet another accusation against him. He is not a good person or a good player. The Dawg pound is not having fun.

September Bengals: I forgot how bad they always are to start the year. I would have never guessed they would lose to this Patriots team though. I’m sure they will be in the conversation at the end of the season but they sure do make it hard on themselves by starting out the year so slow every year.

Not good but looks like they won’t be boring: Commanders and Broncos. Rookie quarterbacks bring up and down seasons but at least these guys run around and make things interesting.

Won but not much else to feel good about: Bears. They have weapons and a great defense but I am sure they would feel better if Caleb Williams at least threw for a hundred yards.

Looks like they still might suck: Falcons. I know this was the first time Kirk has played in a while and hasn’t seen live action with these players but woof, that was not a good outing.

Good wins or just playing a bad opponent?: Chargers and Saints. These teams looked somewhat impressive but they were also playing the raiders and panthers.

The best bad team ever?: Steelers. I don’t know how the Steelers continue to win games year in and year out with such subpar quarterback play. I still don’t think they will win the playoffs but they are now just 8 victories away from not have a losing record once again.

Showed some life but not nearly enough: Jets. They had a few drives where you thought this thing could really work. Unfortunately most of their drives they looked dramatically over matched and like the Jets of old.

Tough break: Packers. We don’t know the extent of the injury yet which is why they are sort of in the middle of this list but Jordan Love missing significant time is bad news for everyone including one of my fantasy teams.

Fantasy fun: Colts and Cardinals. These teams didn’t win but they might have helped you win in fantasy.

Showed some life but not quite enough: Jaguars. The Jags came real close to getting the dub but couldn’t quite pull it off. Maybe Lawrence’s hair got in his eyes a couple of times and made him miss some throws.

Tough outs: Seahawks and Bucs. We don’t know enough about either team yet but they both had strong starts and seem like they have solid teams across the board.

Will forever hate the saying it’s a game of inches: Ravens. Lamar said he thought it was a catch and he still thinks it is a catch. Just because you think the tooth fairy is real, doesn’t make it true. Same goes with this catch.

Probably better than I thought but also played the Browns: Cowboys. They dominated but again, massage boy is awful.

Still fun…for now: Dolphins. The fins got the win but they definitely had their issues. They are heavily reliant on Achane or Hill turning a 10 yard play into an 80 yard play.

Real close but not close enough: Rams. The Rams made some crucial mistakes and couldn’t quite overcome a tough Lions squad. Also, Puka got hurt and is out at least 4 weeks. In positive news, if Cooper Kupp is on your fantasy team you should be real happy.

They got a lot of dudes: Eagles and the Texans. With the addition of Barkley to a team already stacked with offensive weapons, the Eagles are going to be a tough team to beat. The Texans added their own running back and he looked great too. Diggs added two tds and Tank Dell and Nico Collins both looked good as well. It’s hard to find a weak spot in this offense.

Ready to lose in the playoffs: Bills They still got that Josh Allen magic. which means they will continue to win games and then lose in some heartbreaking way come postseason.

Still roaring: Lions. The Lions look tough. Like Super Bowl contender tough. Two of their best players Amon Ra St. Brown and Sam Laporta hardly did anything and they still won. Unfortunately, those guys are also on my fantasy teams and I did not win.

Healthyish is good enough: 49ers did not need Christian McCaffrey in order to dominate the Jets. Unfortunately for me, I was playing against Jake Moody who kicked his way to 26 freaking points!

Still breaking other fan bases hearts: Chiefs. It didn’t take much time to ruin someone else’s day. The Ravens lost by a toe and they were real salty about it. But this what the Chiefs do. Find a way to win close games. And they are pretty much all close games.

Tune in Friday for our next edition of Five for Friday!