We took last week off but are back with our weekly rankings. Since this will be the last ranking since 2023 it made since to rank the teams and give each team a new year’s resolution.

32. Carolina Panthers: Get a new owner. This guy had done nothing good for this team. They have to be the first 2-13 team ever without a 1st round draft pick. 

31. Arizona Cardinals: Find someone who cares. They don’t have many fans and I am not sure the Owner, GM or Coach care that much either. 

30. Los Angeles Chargers: Hire Bill Belichick. The Chargers have been failures forever including the debacle this year. They have so much talent yet suck so bad. Bill has been bad without Tom and Justin Herbert is no Tom. But it seems like this could be a perfect match to become a very competitive team. But they are the Chargers so they will probably hire Jeff Saturday.

29. New England Patriots: Start over. This team may have won on Christmas Eve but it is time for a change across the board. 

28. Washington Commanders: Get a new coach. They finally rid themselves of Dan Snyder. Time to finally clean house and get a new man in charge.

27. New York Giants: Find a way out of the Daniel Jones contract. I think they thought, we won’t be able to find an available QB that is as good as Daniel Jones so we got to pay him. Then he got hurt and they found Tommy Devito in his parents basement who was just as good. Whoops.

26. Tennessee Titans: Stop building a team around an aging running back. I love Derrick Henry but this is a bad all around team that doesn’t work anymore.

25. New Jersey Jets: Get some offensive line guys and stop hiring all of Aaron Rodgers friends. Aaron in Green Bay, they don’t get me any weapons. Aaron in New Jersey, get me all my washed up weapons. The Jets need to get some O-line guys so that Aaron can stay on the field. Also I thought he was miraculously healed and going to play this year. What happened to that?

24: Chicago Bears: Do the right thing with the number 1 draft pick. I’m not sure what it is but I am sure the Bears will probably screw it up.

23. Atlanta Falcons: Someone who can throw the ball. Seriously…anyone. The Falcons have lots of weapons and a pretty good defense. But their quarterbacking needs some serious help.

22. New Orleans Saints: To reverse all the decisions they have made in the last 4 years. No matter what they do, their salary cap keeps going up and their record keeps going down.

21. Minnesota Vikings: To start less quarterbacks in 2024 than they did in 2023. It’s been rough with another new starter coming on Sunday.

20. Denver Broncos: Find someone new to blame. For years it was the quarterback. Last year it was the coach. Now it is back to the quarterback. I can’t wait to see who it will be in 2024. 

19. Green Bay Packers: Continue to sign and draft offensive weapons now that Aaron is gone. Have you watched this team? There is so much young talent running around it is ridiculous. 

18. Las Vegas Raiders: Have something actually significant to smoke a cigar about. These guys win a regular season game and they all smoke cigars like they just won the super bowl. I guess this is what happens when your organization has been a disaster for years.

17. Houston Texans: Have CJ Stroud take taekwondo or whatever Tua did in the offseason. CJ playing is good for the Texans. CJ not playing is bad for the Texans.

16. Cincinnati Bengals: become less likable. oh wait, that’s impossible. I hate the Bengals.

15. Jacksonville Jaguars: Keep Trevor Lawrence alive. It’s like every time I tune in the guy is being pile drived into the ground. 

14. Pittsburgh Steelers: win just enough games to have a winning record and not quite enough to make the playoffs. It’s what they do best so why change now.

13. Seattle Seahawks: Unlock Drew Lock! Maybe this is just what I want but I think Drew has played well in minimal time. And nothing would be funnier to me than Drew Lock tearing it up for another team after being the scape goat in Denver for 3 years.

12. Indianapolis Colts: Rehire Jeff Saturday! Please! It gives me so much to blog about. 

11. Tampa Bay Bucs: Win 9 games and a division championship. One more game to go! They might not even have to wait until the new year.

10. Kansas City Chiefs: Get somebody who can get open AND somebody who can catch the ball AND and somebody who can line up correctly AND somebody who can play without false starting or holding AND somebody who won’t call a tight end screen to the left in the red zone immediately after calling a tight end screen to the right in the red zone that was a complete disaster. Oh yeah and keep the defense.

9. Los Angeles Rams: Find a few more good players. Rams issue has been depth for a while now. But they have a solid base and will be a tough out in the playoffs. 

8. Cleveland Elves: Get a refund on Deshaun Watson. Shane Falco, I mean Joe Flacco has been awesome since returning the league from his house boat. Watson is the biggest waste of money in sports in a long time. He makes Russell Wilson’s deal look like a bargain. 

7. Detroit Lions: To not do Lions things when it matters most. The Lions are a great story no matter how you look at it. But it would be nice if they at least won one playoff game. It’s been like 30 years.

6. Dallas Cowboys: Make it past the divisional round.  I mean, I hope they don’t and don’t think they will but it should be their resolution. 

5. Buffalo Bills: not choke in the playoffs. Again, I think they will because that is what the Bills do but maybe this is their year. (spoiler alert…it’s not their year). 

4. Miami Dolphins: Win the division and a playoff game. They need to beat either the Ravens or the Bills to win the division. They have struggled against teams with winning records. I mean they beat the Cowboys but the Cowboys don’t beat anyone with winning records either.

3. Philadelphia Eagles: Repeat at stuff. They can be the first team since 2004 to repeat as NFC East Champs. That is just step 1. Step 2 is repeating as NFC champs.

2. San Francisco 49ers: Not fall behind. The 49ers have an excellent team. Arguably the best roster in the league. But if they are forced to go off script because they fall behind they might be in trouble.

1. Baltimore Ravens: Keep Lamar healthy. They did that in 2023 and that is working out for them pretty well. They also got some guys who can get open and catch the ball. The Chiefs should take note.

I hope you had a great 2023 and that Fifth-Down made you laugh a few times. Happy New Year to you!