Well, we have another week down in the NFL. The Playoffs are right around the corner and so is Christmas. So today we rank the teams based upon a ranking of Christmas Traditions. Enjoy!

ELF on the Shelf: Patriots and Panthers

Elf and the Shelf will be fun she said. It will be a great tradition for years to come, she said. It is not fun and it is not great. Instead it is like a punishment every night finding new places to put the stupid elf and then when you forget, you let down your kids. Much in the same way the Patriots and Panthers thought their season was going to be fun and great. It is not and they disappoint their fans every morning.

Build a Gingerbread House: Cardinals, Bears, Commanders

Building a Gingerbread House has its moments but is pretty messy. Then when you are done the dang thing just sits there collecting dust for a few days. Parts start to fall off until you finally let your kids eat the stale disgusting thing. These teams have had a few fun moments but have mostly either started stale or fell apart pretty easily and have definitely played messy most of the year.

White Elephant Gift Exchange: Giants, Titans, Raiders

Bring a gift that no one likes to a party and swap things around. Lots of people find this fun. I’m not sure why. The Giants brought Daniel Jones, Ryan Tanehill and Josh McDaniels to the party. No one else would take them. Luckily they swapped them out but its too little too late.

Ugly Christmas Sweaters: Saints, Falcons, Bucs

Ugly Christmas Sweaters are fun for exactly one day a year. The rest of the time they sit in your closet and collect dust and moths. One of these 3 teams are making the playoffs but come the divisional round all of them will also be sitting around collecting dust.

Organize a Secret Santa: Chargers, Jets

This is an idea that sounds like a ton of fun. You get gifts from someone you don’t know. You give gets to people as a surprise. High hopes across the board. But then you forget until the last minute to get a gift. And then your gift is something that you have no idea what to do with but have to keep because it is a gift. The Chargers and Jets had high hopes coming into the season. But then the Chargers forgot how to play defense and the Jets suck on offense and here we are, a disappointing season that they have to keep until 2024.

Bring the kids to meet Santa: Bengals, Seahawks, Vikings, Elves, Steelers

This is an up and down event. What Santa are you going to get? Mean Santa? Stinky Santa? Hung over Santa? Likes kids a little too much Santa? And then the kids are a crap shoot too. Are they going to be shy? say something embarrassing, cry their little eyes out? It’s a complete crap shoot. Just like these teams performances week in and week out.

Making Christmas cookies: Broncos, Rams, Bills

Who doesn’t like cookies? Apparently I am no longer supposed to according to my doctor. I was completely healthy until I went to the doctor by the way. But cookies are great. They are fun. A little messy but not terrible. You can hand them out to friends just like teams hand the ball to the Broncos and the Bills hand the ball to everyone else. They don’t always look great but that is part of the fun. And then they sit in a tin and everyone forgets about them, just like we will forget about these teams come playoff time.

Sending a family Christmas card: Cowboys

A Christmas card is where you find the one good picture of your family from the year and attach a note of all the good things that happened that year. No one writes the truth in that letter. Merry Christmas from Jeff. I had a hell of year. I got the gout, have arthritis in my knee, get yelled at work, often want to strangle my kid and waisted a lot of time writing meaningless blogs. Blessing to all! No one would send that out. They might not lie but it isn’t the whole truth. Sort of like the Cowboys 9-3 record. The Cowboys can look nice and have all the stats. But we know who they really are.

Decorating the Christmas Tree: Colts, Packers, Texans

Who doesn’t like hanging up ornaments, putting up lights, cutting down a tree? These are fun activities. It’s definitely not the best, but it is pretty good and pretty fun. I’d use those exact words to describe these 3 overachievers. Unlike our tree though, these teams will be down well before the super bowl.

Christmas Dinner: Jaguars, Lions

I love Christmas Dinner. It’s delicious. Lots of people do different things and we do different things at different times. It is no Thanksgiving but it is pretty great. Jaguars and Lions are pretty good teams they just aren’t quite at the level of the rest.

Watching Christmas movies: Chiefs, Eagles, Dolphins

Christmas movies are the best. More on that next week, but for now lets just say it is good family fun. My top five are Elf, Christmas Vacation, Home Alone, the Santa Clause and Die Hard. These are 3 of my favorite teams. I like the Eagles, my daughter cheers for them and their players are likable even if their fans are not. The Dolphins are fun but obviously not quite good enough. And obviously I love my Chiefs but unless they can figure out how to score 24 points, we aren’t winning the whole thing.

Presents, Baby!: Ravens, 49ers

These two teams are clearly the best right now. I’m not saying either is going to win the whole thing but as of today they are the teams to beat. Brock Purdy certainly has plenty of presents to throw too. And Presents are the best Christmas tradition. Giving them is awesome. Getting them is awesome. There is no weakness to the tradition. Just like there is no real glaring weakness to these teams.