We are back with another round of 5 for Friday where I give you commentary and predictions for 5 games from this week’s slate. I’m 21-5 on the year and 10-0 the last two weeks so if you want to take me to Vegas, just let me know. Let’s jump in to this week’s game.

Snooze Fest: Ravens @ Titans in London

The NFL is in London for the 3rd week in a row. This time it is not the Jaguars though. Instead we get the never exciting Titans vs the occasionally exciting Ravens. Both these teams seem to begrudgingly win 8-11 games every year. Even when they aren’t good, wild card weekend rolls around and everyone is like these guys are in the playoffs? So I know you will be pumped to wake up early to catch this one. kick off is at 7:30 AM my time. Not only are these teams boring, I don’t really like them either. So am I going to get up on one of the two mornings I occasionally get to sleep in to watch a boring game between two teams I hate? Yes, yes I am. Why? Football that is why.

The Titans are averaging an exciting 17.6 points per game. Traveling usually makes teams a little sluggish so that is not going to help their cause much. Their stars are Ryan Tannehill, Derick Henry and Deandre Hopkins. If this was 2019, that would be one hell of a lineup. But it is 2023 and Henry is tired, Hopkins is pretty good and Tannehill is well…Tannehill. Anyone else remember when he played receiver at Texas A&M?

The Ravens got all of these new weapons, most of which are injured because they are the Ravens. OBJ has played about 13 snaps this year. Lamar is a better but still not a great passer and his team had 8 drops last week in a loss to the Steelers. The Titans have a good run defense and a terrible passing defense that in theory Lamar should be able to exploit. But this has FG fest written all over it.

So make sure to get up early, skip church and plop down on your couch to watch these two unlikable teams play in an ugly, low scoring slugfest. Or you can hit snooze a bunch to avoid the snooze fest. This will likely come down to a FG. I don’t know who the Titans kicker is, but I am sure they suck. They always do. The Ravens have Justin Tucker.

Ravens 16 Titans 13

It’s My House! I must protect it: Seahawks @ Bengals

Kevin and the Bengals had a must win game last week against the Cardinals and they delivered. But this is sort of a must win game too. They have a bye followed by 49ers and Bills. And the schedule doesn’t get easy after that. It’s an uphill battle and 2-4 might be too big of a hole for them to dig out of even with Kevin McCallister looking like himself again. Seattle has looked solid after a week 1 dud. But their last 3 weeks are also Carolina, the Giants and a bye week. Seattle is 3rd in giving up the most passing yards and Jamaar Chase is always f’ing open. I know because I played against him in fantasy last week. I am not a strong believer in either of these teams at this point. I actually like most of the Seahawks players but don’t really like Pete Carrol. I am not a big fan of people who chew their gum in an extreme fashion. As you all know, I am not a fan at all of the Bengals. Typically I have sympathy for teams that never win anything but the Bengals have proven to break that trend by beating the Chiefs a few times and having the cockiest group of players that I have seen in a long time. I don’t mean just cocky but it is sort of a cocky plus lack of respect/admiration of those who came before them. They are arrogant little buggers. But mostly I just hate them because they beat the Chiefs. I think this should be a good game with evenly matched teams. Since it is pretty even I’ll take the better QB and the team more desperate for a win. Burrow sets enough traps for the Seahawks to get tripped up on and seals the deal with snow “shovel” pass to Chase for the knock out.

Bengals 34 Seahawks 28

Uncle Rico vs Sunshine: Colts @ Jaguars

The Jaguars were 2-0 in London. Oddly they are 0-2 in Jacksonville. They just beat the Bills and it looks like they are starting to put things together. This seems like the perfect trap game that teams like the Jags always fall into. I think the Jags have a lot of talent and I was high on them coming into the season but I still think they are going to have some more growing pains. Now Gardner Minshew comes into town. Gardner is an odd character. I am pretty sure he lives in a trailer in the woods or something. He is a wanderer. He is also who Trevor Lawrence replaced. Gardner got his start with the Jags after playing with Mike Leach in college. And he is the perfect QB to play for Leach (RIP). Also Mike Leach was amazing. Now Gardner is leading the Colts because Anthony Richardson got hurt…again. This is a revenge game for Gardner. Both teams are 3-2 and the winner is going to be in the lead in the AFC South and will likely be nearly half way to the win total needed to win the division. Jonathan Taylor is back. Zach Moss is running great. The Colts look like a real football team which is great for them but I personally miss Jeff Saturday as their coach as it made for much better commentary. Anyway, I think this is a back and forth battle. The Colts get the ball last and Gardner Minshew throws one over the mountain uncle rico style for the game winning touchdown.

Colts 26 Jags 20

Battle of QBs no one wanted: Lions @ Bucs

The Lions and Bucs are a combined 7-2 entering week 6 just like we all expected. I know there were those who thought the Lions would be good and predicted them to win the division. But those people didn’t really believe it. I mean, they are the lions after all. The Bucs play in the South and have beat the Saints, Bears and Vikings so not overly impressive but it is still 2 more wins than I thought they would have. Somehow this team is better with Baker Mayfield then they were with Tom Brady. Jared Goff continues to play solid football despite my mockery. He has good weapons around him. Both teams have solid identities and seem to know who and what they are.

Both Goff and Baker got dumped by the teams that drafted them. Goff led the Rams to the super bowl and got dumped 2 years later. Baker led the Elves to their first playoff win since Bernie Kosar was their quarterback and they booted him too. Then he went to the Panthers who are just awful and he couldn’t get playing time so they shipped him off to the Rams. Baker is like that friend you have that is really fun to hang out with a couple of times a year but anything past that he drives you crazy and you begin to hate him. But the Bucs haven’t gotten to that stage yet. Don’t worry, they will. Goff on the other hand is the quiet friend who doesn’t say much and then he pipes up and says something really insightful but you can’t take that information because the whole time you are trying to figure out if your quiet friend has been there the whole time or if he just showed up. Both defenses are good. It feels like the Bucs are due to for a let down. The Lions are always due for a let down. Bottom line, I think the Lions are actually good and I think the Bucs still have Todd Bowles as their head coach.

Lions 31 Bucs 20

The Hype Game: Cowboys @ Chargers but really Chargers @ Cowboys even though it is in LA.

There are 2 offseason certainties. First, the Cowboys will be hyped up as super bowl contenders. Secondly, the Chargers are always hyped to beat the Chiefs and win the division. We hear all about how good the rosters are. We hear all about all the weapons. We hear about how Justin Herbert is this incredible Quarterback. We hear about how Dak isn’t as terrible as we think he is. All we hear is good things.

Then the season starts. The Chargers lose games they shouldn’t lose. The Cowboys get blown out by any team with a pulse. But anytime either team wins all the praise comes pouring back in. The Chargers actually should be good but I don’t think Herbert is overly clutch and I think they have one of the worst coaches in the league. The Cowboys have an average QB and a coach that was good 15 years ago. Both these teams know how to disappoint. Despite all the talent, they haven’t won a super bowl since the 1995 season. The Chargers haven’t won a championship since forever and have only made one super bowl in their history. To pour salt on their wound they don’t even have a home crowd. On a good day, it is 50/50. Most games they have less fans than the opposing team. This will be one of those games.

This is a tough game to predict. The Cowboys only get blown out or blow people out. The Chargers only play close games. It really comes down to whoever has the ball last. But not like you would think. You remember the 13 second game? Perhaps the greatest game in recent history? I was watching that game and the whole time Mahomes and Allen were playing so incredible you just knew whoever got the ball last would win. Well this is sort of the opposite. If the Chargers have the ball last you know their coach is going to do something dumb to cost them the game. If the cowboys have the ball last, you know Dak is going to do something dumb and lose it for the Cowboys. So really it is a coin flip. So here is what happens. The Chargers are up 3. They have the ball at their own 40 with a minute to go. The Cowboys are out of timeouts. It’s 4th and 2. Instead of kicking it away, their dumb coach decides to go for it and they don’t make it. Dak leads them down the field and then throws an interception at the 10 yard line. There is your script for Monday night. You’re welcome NFL.

Chargers 31 Cowboys 28