It’s getting harder to get this done in time for Friday with work and family stuff so if I am not done it time, I’ll try to throw it up over the weekend. And this way you get an extra game. I went 4-1 last week for an overall record of 7-3. And I am undefeated in snarky comments. Let’s do this thing.

Somebody’s got to win…right? Chargers @ Vikings

These two teams are the absolute best at having talented football teams and finding ways to lose. The Chargers have scored 58 points and lost both games by 3 or less points. The first game they had the ball at the end and Herbert got sacked like 3 times. In the second game it went to overtime where they promptly went 3 and out and then gave up a field goal to lose. The Vikings on the other hand are turnover machines and lost both games by one score as well. These are two high power offenses although the Vikings can’t run the ball at all. Which is why they just traded for Cam Akers who the Rams didn’t want. The Rams who have no depth are trading away this guy. He must have been real popular around the coaches office. The Chargers can run and pass but can’t stop either. At this point you sort of have to assume their coach is just terrible. Herbert is basically a younger Kirk Cousins who has lots of good stats but doesn’t win anything significant. I’m definitely cheering for the Vikings in this one. I have nothing against the Chargers but I do think it is funny that they lose all the time. Plus Kirk is such a nice guy. I really want to predict a tie in this one but if I predict it, then it probably won’t come true. So I’ll go with the guy who has won one playoff game and the coach who sort of looks like he might know what he is doing. It should be a high scoring affair but since I just said that it will probably be like 10-7. But again not predicting that either.

Vikings 34 Chargers 31

A Bill getting passed in DC: Bills @ Whatever their names are

The Bills are visiting DC where typically there is a lot of talking without a lot of action. There should be plenty of action in this one when the high scoring Bills offense comes to town. The Commanders are 2-0 but it is a little misleading as they won two close games against the Cardinals and Broncos. But EB definitely has made them better offensively. Sam Howell isn’t terrible and they have some good weapons offensively. This will be their first test against a good opponent. On the other side, the Bills defense has played well this year. The offense has been a little up and down due to Josh Allen’s reckless play. They move the ball well it just depends if Allen is going to throw to the right team or not. The Bills are clearly the better team but are on the road and I’m guessing Allen has a couple of turnovers that keep this game close.

Bills 28 Commanders 20

Battle of Mystical Mascots: Titans @ Elves (browns)

I don’t particularly like Ja’Marr Chase but he did make a funny comment calling the Browns the Elves based upon their logo. He then went ahead and lost to the Elves. But I am now calling the Browns the elves for the rest of the year. Both of these teams love to run the ball. Mostly due to their erratic quarterback play but also because that is how their teams are built. The Elves lost Nick Chubb for the season. But don’t worry, I am sure Watson still has a chub. The Titans pass defense is pretty terrible but the question is can Watson play decent. His play has been erratic since returning. This is tough one to pick. When I am not sure who to pick I usually look at three things, home field (Elves), coaching (Titans) and quarterback play…who knows. So I guess I’ll go with the team that I think has the better D. Elves overcome their size and massage boy to get the win.

Elves 24 Titans 20

Team of Regret vs Team that is the Best: Bears @ Chiefs

The Bears have traded up to draft a franchise quarterback two times in the past few years. The first was to obtain Mitchell Trubrisky. They chose him over Patrick Mahomes and Deshaun Watson. I’m not saying Mahomes would have had the same success had he gone to Chicago. But he certainly would have been better than Trubisky. Watson might have had more success in Chicago if there were less personal masseuses’ available. Trubrisky was a bust to say the least. Now they have gone all in on Justin Fields. The story was that they just needed better o-line play and weapons to throw too. They did that and he somehow sucks worse. This week he says the problem he is thinking too much and playing robotic. Why they asked? He answered, coaching. So he is off to a good start with his offensive coordinator. Meanwhile, the Chiefs are 1-1 and really should be 2-0 and are yet to play good offensively. They will be without Bolton this week which makes me a little nervous especially if Fields starts running around a lot…which he should because it is pretty much the only thing he is good at. But nothing helps a slumping offense like playing the Bears. The Chiefs stop being their “own worst enemy” and instead they will leave the scoreboard Lit. See what I did there?

Chiefs 30 Bears 16

Team I hate vs Team I hate: Steelers @ Raiders

These are two of the most unlikable teams in the league. Both have annoying fan bases and players and coaches that are easy to dislike. The Raiders barely beat the Broncos in week 1 and then got blown out by the Bills. They finally get to head home to Vegas which has been their 3rd or 4th home in my lifetime. The Raiders are so bad that no one wants them. The Steelers got beat badly in week 1 by the 49ers and then barely beat the Elves due to their elite defense. After looking very good in preseason, the offense has been a disaster. But the Raiders d is pretty good at helping offenses get back on track. While I don’t like the Steelers or Mike Tomlin, he is clearly the better coach in this one and I’m pretty sure TJ Watt might break Jimmy G. Give me the Steelers in a low scoring game.

Steelers 17 Raiders 10

Rematch of Super Bowl 56: Rams @ Bengals

The Rams despite missing Cooper Kupp have been competitive. They got a guy named Puka which is pretty fun. Last week I mentioned a movie with an imaginary rabbit. If you guessed Donnie Darko you were incorrect. No it was the classic movie called Harvey with Jimmy Stuart. Everyone thinks he is crazy because he walks around with an imaginary rabbit named Harvey. His aunt tries to have him institutionalized and hilarity follows. It’s a great movie that my dad introduced me to and my mom hates. In the movie you find out that there are mythical creatures called Pookas that are big animals or something. Anyway, every time I hear or see that guys name I think of that movie. And now you will too. You’re welcome. Not that I needed more reason to cheer for the Rams, but Puka gives me one. The Bengals have been pretty terrible this year. The offense does not look good. Burrow does not look right and he might not even play this week. I would feel sorry for everyone that drafted JaMarr Chase so early in fantasy except I didn’t draft him and I don’t particularly like him or the Bengals. So his lack of success is good for me in many ways. I was thinking the Bengals would turn it around but I think Kevin is really hurt and might not play in this one. He might have to stay Home Alone while his team plays a pretty good Rams team. If the Bengals lose this one, they might be in real trouble. More trouble than racking up a really high room service bill in New York City. But the way that O Line is playing I am betting they make their quarterback disappear.

Rams 24 Bengals 13