It’s time for another 5 for Friday when I give you my thoughts and predictions on 5 games happening this week. Let’s get started.

The Birthday boy vs Sunshine

Chiefs @ Jaguars

Let’s kick it off with my favorite team. Chris Jones is back, Kelce is practicing (although limitedly) and Patrick is pissed off. All is right with the world. Heck the game is even going to be on Patrick’s Birthday. The problem is they are facing a very good Jaguars team. Among amazing Patrick stats is that the team is 13-3 following a loss with him. But I really like this Jags team. They have a lot of talent. I was thinking this would be a game where our offense played better but our D sucked and we lost something like 34-31. Skip Bayless would still somehow blame Mahomes, everyone would talk about how the Chiefs are done and the dynasty was over before it started, yada, yada, yada. And then we would win 6 in a row and be 6-2 at the bye. But then I woke up this morning and put on my Chiefs socks and since it will be Pat’s b-day, I’m going Chiefs in this one.

Chiefs 31 Jaguars 27

The running back who plays quarterback vs Macaulay Culkin

Ravens @ Bengals

The Ravens new passing attack didn’t look great in week 1 against the Texans. Meanwhile, home alone and the gang were flat out terrible against the Browns in the rain. Tee Higgins caught zero balls on 8 targets. Only 2 of those targets were even in his area code. Burrow got paid and then decided he didn’t need to play anymore on his way to passing for a whopping 82 yards. On the Ravens side, starters are already getting hurt. Though to be fair, usually their running backs have season ending injuries before the season even starts as opposed to week 1. So I call this progress! They are also down a couple of linemen but that is par for the course for them.

The Ravens always play the Bengals tough and the Bengals almost always start 0-2. The Bengals almost lost to these guys in the playoffs last year when Tyler Huntley was playing QB. If this was week 12 instead of week 2 I’d be all in on the Bengals but this is the “bengals suck and the ravens are going to win the super bowl” part of the season. Burrow plays better but so does Lamar. Ravens for the win.

Ravens 30 Bengals 24

The QB I don’t trust vs the QB I don’t trust

Seahawks @ Lions

Are the Seahawks that bad? Are the Lions that good? The Lions beat the defending champs with the help of some dropped passes and the inability to get a yard. The Seahawks got demolished by a Cooper Kuppless Rams team. The Lions seemed to have gotten better on defense although they got help from the Chiefs receivers. The offense didn’t always look great but they have some good potential there. Meanwhile, the Seahawks were awful. Was 2022 Geno a fake? Or will he bounce back and put on a strong performance. This is the battle of quarterbacks who seem like nice guys that I have zero trust in playing well consistently. But since it is in a dome I’ll go with Goff and the Lions.

Lions 31 Seahawks 20

A healthy team??? vs what’s left of the Rams

49ers @ Rams

The 49ers looked like the best team in the league on Sunday. The Rams looked like a functional football team which is better than I thought they would. Who needs a Cooper when you have a Puka? And no I am not talking about an imaginary rabbit. (bonus points for anyone who gets that movie reference). I’m talking about Puka Nacua. Of course because it is the Rams he is hurt now and questionable for Sunday. The 49ers on the other hand are healthy. Don’t say it too loud or someone on their team might tear a ligament. They have a ton of weapons and Brock Purdy seems solid enough to use them that I picked him up on one of my fantasy teams. Brock hasn’t played in a regular season game and not thrown two touchdowns. Since I picked him up in fantasy, I am sure that streak will immediately end. The Rams hang tough in this one but the 49ers are the better team. Purdy only throws one touchdown but they still get the victory. But they are playing in LA so look for an important player or two to get hurt and be out for the season.

49ers 28 Rams 20

Elves vs the best team in preseason

Browns @ Steelers

We get our first unnecessary Monday night double header this week. I guess that is a win for the East Coast people who can’t stay up late enough to watch the whole game. Now they can watch the early game while I am still at work. The second game in the night cap is the elves…I mean Browns vs the Steelers. Not to bring up the Bengals again but Jamar Chase is something else. He called them elves earlier in the week and then they got their butt’s kicked. He said he was mad that they lost to elves after he called them elves. When asked about the Browns players response to his elves comments he said they were just trying to get attention. Dude, your whole thing is about getting attention. Anyway, the Browns are 1-0 and the Steelers are 0-1. After being preseason darlings and scoring on every drive that the first team played in, the Steelers were just terrible on Sunday. Now they host massage boy and the Browns. Are the Steelers really as bad as they looked last Sunday? Are the Browns actually good? Who will Watson make uncomfortable? There are so many questions. The Steelers hardly ever lose to the Browns and I got to imagine the offense has to be at least a little better this week. George Pickens makes a couple of crazy catches including one to seal the game.

Steelers 20 Browns 13

Fifth-Down Prediction Record: 3-2