Teams that are going to play in the Super Bowl: Bills and Eagles

The Eagles put on an impressive showing against a quality Titans team that hadn’t given up more than 20 points since week 3. They can run, they can pass and they can play defense. Their run defense was suspect for a couple of weeks but a couple of free agent signings have mostly solved that problem. Even better news for them is there are no other great teams in the NFC. The 49ers lost their quarterback who I didn’t trust in big moments anyway and the Cowboys are going to need to win a playoff game before I buy into Dak getting it done when it counts. The rest of the NFC is a mess.

Team I now hate: Stupid Bengals

The Bengals are really good and probably have the best chance to beat the Bills. They don’t have a glaring weakness. Eventually they are going to have to pay all these guys and they will take a step back but they are going to win a lot until then. They are the won thing that can stop Patrick Mahomes. I hate Burrow, I hate Chase, I hate them all. Stupid Bengals.

Team that can’t beat the Bengals: Chiefs

Top to bottom we are the 3rd best roster in the AFC and the Bills and Bengals are actually pretty far ahead of us. We have Mahomes, Kelce, and Chris Jones and that covers a lot but when we play these two teams it isn’t enough. We don’t have a legit edge rusher anyone fears. Our cover guys are young and might be good but aren’t good yet. And we don’t have go to receiver. The Bengals and Bills both have 3 receivers better than any of ours. These two games is where we really miss Tyreek. I think overall we are a more balanced team. We lost by 3 every time we play these clowns and only lost to the Bills by 4. So we are close and if a few things go our way we can beat them but make no mistake they have better rosters than we do. Also, I hate the Bengals.

Teams that have a lot of wins but will lose in the playoffs: Cowboys and Vikings

These teams have a combined 19 wins so I feel like I have to rank them this high. But I am not confident that either team can win games that matter. They might win a playoff game because the rest of the NFC isn’t great either. But neither team is going to Philly and winning and I think San Fran and Tom Brady would beat them when it matters.

Team that is the most injury prone ever: 49ers

I mean they keep winning despite it but come on, how do they have this many injuries? Jimmy G broke his foot! I can’t even remember the last time someone broke their foot playing football. So now they will roll with Brock Purdy who was the very last pick in the 2022 season. I guess it is sort of cool that Mr. Irrelevant is now Relevant. I mean cool for us…not the 49ers.

Team that is fun, will make the playoffs but is behind the top 3 AFC teams: Dolphins

The Dolphins are fun. Tyreek is fun. Tua is fun. But overall they just aren’t quite as good as the top 3 in the AFC. They will make the playoffs and they will win a game, maybe even two. But as I said last week, we will begin to see how good they really are. Losing to the 49ers and Brock Purdy wasn’t a good start.

Teams that tie: Commanders and Giants

A tie was the perfect ending to this game with two slightly above average teams. They were perfectly matched and neither is winning a playoff game. But one of them will make it. My money is still on Washington but they play again in two weeks will pretty much be a play in game. Or even better maybe they will tie again.

Teams that will make the playoffs but are boring: Titans and Ravens

The Titans got worked on Sunday and haven’t beaten anyone with a winning record. They can’t throw and can barely run now but play in the second worst division in football so they will likely be the 4 seed. The Ravens offense gets worse every week with or without Lamar. Also, for all the people who said he wouldn’t get hurt running all the time…he sure gets hurt a lot. It took them 3 quarters, 14 and half minutes to score a touchdown this week against the Broncos. But the Ravens schedule is soft so they will make it in even if they don’t win their division. Let’s just hope they aren’t the 5 seed because no one wants to watch these two teams play on wild card weekend.

Teams that are fun but all but 1 will miss the playoffs: Jets, Raiders, Chargers

All of these teams are way more entertaining than the Ravens and Titans but only one is likely to get into the playoffs. The Jets are way better with Mike White at quarterback. Turns out that Zach Wilson is more of a disaster than we thought. The Raiders haven’t lost since Derek Carr cried and this time they even did it in regulation. The Chargers are as always overhyped in the offseason all to choke away their season as they sit at exactly 6-6. But hey, Herbert is fun to watch. It is going to be an interesting next few weeks to see who gets in of this group.

Team I don’t know what to do with: Seahawks

Are they good? Is Geno Smith good? Are they a playoff team? I am not sure about any of it. But I am sure they don’t miss Russell Wilson.

Team that owns the Bears: Packers

Aaron Rodgers sure does enjoy beating the Bears. To bad they don’t own anyone else this year. To bad they can’t play the Bears every week. Also, how about Christian Watson. He is the next Chris Carter. (All he does is catch touchdowns! Said in a Chris Berman voice). He has 8 touchdowns in his last 17 receptions. Real glad I picked him up on my fantasy teams.

Teams that aren’t very good but are scrappy and fun: Lions, Jaguars and Bears

The poor Lions put on quite the show on Sunday. They aren’t very good but they do score a lot and that is fun. The Jaguars were embarrassed but I am leaving them in the scrappy and fun category and if Lawrence plays, I think they upset the Titans this week. And as long as Justin Fields is running around the Bears are fun. Without him, they are pretty awful to watch.

Teams that aren’t very good and aren’t scrappy and fun: Steelers, Patriots, Cardinals and Rams

The Steelers will probably finish 9-8 because that is what they do. But it won’t be fun getting there. There is nothing fun or interesting about the Patriots. The only interesting thing about the Cardinals is what a dumpster fire they are. The Rams don’t have anybody left playing that you have heard of.

The 2020 NFC East: The 2022 NFC South

The Bucs need one more win to end this category but until someone has a winning record they stay here. The Falcons lost to the lowly Steelers. The Saints somehow found a way to give up a 13 point lead with like 5 minutes left. And the Bucs needed the Saints bad decisions to win the game. The Saints last drive, they ran left for 3 yards which I had no problem with. Then on second down, they decided to take their best receiver, Olave off the field and then run play action with like only two routes and Andy Dalton took a sack. This set up a 3rd and long. Dalton actually made a good throw but of course the QB/TE/RB Hill, who isn’t good enough to actually play any of those positions dropped it. Giving Brady around 3 minutes to score the winning td. The Bucs didn’t even have to use their last timeout to do so. Unreal. The Panthers had the best week of the group as they were on a bye.

Team that traded a bunch of draft picks and gave a bunch of money to a controversial quarterback and still sucks: Browns

The Browns with Deshaun Watson are technically 1-0 but it was hardly an impressive win. The Texans are terrible and the Browns couldn’t even score an offensive touchdown. It was the Texans who helped them by turning the ball over multiple times. I know the Browns are desperate but Watson didn’t look good. He hasn’t played real football in like 2 years so maybe he is just rusty. If you are a Browns fan, you certainly hope so.

Team that should have hired a real coach: Colts

This thing was fun for a couple of weeks but over the last two weeks it is clear that Saturday is in over his head. It turns out hiring somebody with the same resume as me to lead your franchise isn’t a good idea. Who knew.

Worst…Ride…Ever: Broncos

This thing gets more brutal every week. It was a lot like a soccer game with little scoring and lots of kicking as both teams punted a lot and combined for 4 field goals. As boring as it was, what made it worse was that is was close. So you had to keep watching even though you didn’t want to. And then with 28 seconds left a touchdown was scored. My poor wife just walked away. Needless to say we weren’t a happy couple on Sunday with both our teams losing. The good news is one of our teams will win this Sunday. My money is on the team that can score more than 10 points.

Worst…Organization…Ever: Texans

There have been a lot of bad teams over the years. Even teams that went defeated and didn’t win a game. But I don’t remember anything as dysfunctional as the Texans from top to bottom. The only good news here is that I made a bet with a friend who is a big believer in Lovie Smith and said they would win 7 games. It is now mathematically impossible for them to do that. So I won the bet and have that going for me at least.