Each week I give you 5 picks and more importantly story lines for this weekends games. Let’s get started with week 11.

Eagles @ Colts: Saturday on Sunday

If you are like me, you were excited to see the Colts win last week for many reasons. Sure, it was great to see the Raiders lose yet again especially so I can keep saying “raiders gonna raider”. But there is something to be even more excited about. If Jeff Saturday can coach an NFL team to victory, it gives us hope to one day do the same. I mean I actually have a lot in common with Mr. Saturday. Here are just a few of the things we have in common.

First name: Jeff…check

Age: mid 40s…check

Birthday: June 18…I’m March 18…close enough

Watch more football than the normal person…check

Make snarky comments and be critical from a very far distance…check

Previous coaching experience: high school only…actually I have also coached a good bit of little kid flag football (advantage me)

What does this tell us? It tells us that I am obviously more qualified to coach a NFL team to victory over the Raiders. And guess what, I have the perfect opportunity this Sunday. Denver Brass needs to give me a call. I am only a few minutes away.

As for the game, the Eagles are coming off their first loss and everyone is comparing them to the Steelers from 2 years ago. I mean sure they haven’t played the toughest of schedules but as some would say the pass the “eye test” much more than the Steelers did. In their game against to the Commanders the Eagles got ran over. This in theory is good for the Colts. Could the Colts win back to back games with a guy who has 1 more game of coaching experience than me? Unfortunately for them, the Eagles are not the Raiders. I think this will be closer than some might think but the Eagles get back on track.

Eagles 27 Colts 17

Browns @ Bills: Snowmageddon…almost

Apparently there is supposed to be some snow in the Buffalo area. Every weather man has a range of precipitation for each storm. And it is usually pretty ridiculous, like 2-10 inches. If only we could all keep our jobs being as accurate or inaccurate as meteorologists. But the range in Buffalo is extra special as they are expecting 3-6 feet of snow. That’s right…they are expecting either snow that comes up to half of me or covers all of me. The are also expecting something called thunder snow. I don’t know what that is but it sounds awesome. There have been so many incredible games in bad weather. My favorite all time weather game is the Fog Bowl in the playoffs when the Bears hosted the Eagles. I remember watching the game or trying to watch the game. It was one of the most memorable games in the history of the league. This could have been one of those games. But instead they moved the game to Detroit. So here are the winners and losers of the game being moved.

Winner: The City of Detroit. The home team will be a very good, competitive team with a winning record and super bowl aspirations. That is something Detroit hasn’t had in a few decades.

Loser: The Bills. Not only do they lose a home game in Buffalo but they have to go to Detroit. I can only assume since they play in Detroit again on Thursday they are just going to stay there. As someone who has visited Detroit, let me tell you that this is a loss. I used to go on baseball trips with some buddies and one year we went to Detroit and Toronto. The plan was to go to the game in Detroit and then spend the night and then drive to Toronto in the morning. We literally walked out of the Detroit stadium, looked around and said, let’s just go to Toronto now. Speaking of which, we got to the border and Chris who was driving was talking to the border patrol officer and he literally said “we don’t have anything illegal in the trunk.” I mean it sort of worked because I am sure the officer was like, these idiots don’t have anything in their trunk but I would not recommend this strategy to anyone.

Winner: Browns fans. Apparently Cleveland is just 2 hours and 45 minutes from Detroit. And they also won’t be driving to place that has 6 feet of snow. They have the opportunity to have more fans in the stadium on a “road game”.

Loser: Browns football team. While it doesn’t sound fun to play offensive football in 3 to 6 feet to snow, you also aren’t throwing a lot. Not throwing a lot is an advantage for the Browns. Had the game been in the snow it would be an advantage Browns. You remember last year when the Patriots beat the Bills while only throwing 4 passes? This is the sort of strategy the Browns could have used in 3 feet of snow. But that doesn’t work on the dome in Detroit.

Winner: The Chargers. They will no longer be the only home team that has less fans in the stadium then their opponent.

Loser: All of us viewers. Sure it will be better football in the dome and the teams will be able to actually run an offense. And for maybe a year at most we might say, “you remember that time it snowed so much they had to move the game to Detroit?” But if they had played in Buffalo surrounded by several feet of snow, we would talk about it for ages. Of course we might have lost a few players and knowing Bills mafia, likely several thousands of fans buried in the snow. So I guess the NFL made the right decision.

Winner of the game: Bills 30 Browns 17

Raiders gonna Raider vs Let’s ride: The Toilet Bowl

If you are a Friday Night Lights fan like me you remember Season 4, episode 8 titled “Toilet Bowl”. if you are not a fan of FNL, then you need to stop reading and start watching FNL because it is the greatest show of all time…just ignore a few plot lines in season 2. In the episode two teams that are terrible and hadn’t won a game play each other. The good news…someone is going to win. This game reminds me a little of that episode. The difference? In the FNL episode there is a functional head coach and offensive creativity and success.

Living here in Denver, I listen to sports radio all the time and all I have heard for the last 5 years is that the Broncos are just a quarterback and offensive minded coach away. They got both and look at them now. Somehow they got worse. They are literally dead last in offense. They average 14.6 points a game. The average 11.3 points a game at home. They played in what quite possibly was the most boring game in NFL history against the Colts. Because my wife is a die hard loyal fan, I have to watch this crap show every week. I almost feel bad for the Broncos at this point.

There is a movie called Office Space. In it the main character, Peter, hates his job and his life for that matter. His cheating girlfriend persuades him to go to a psychiatrist. He tells the psychiatrist that every day he wakes up and it is the worst day of his life. The psychiatrist asked Peter, “What about today? Is today the worst day of your life?” Peter says yes and the psychiatrist said “man, that’s messed up.” That is basically the life of a Broncos fan. Every game is the worst game they have had to watch. And it is messed up.

Russell Wilson only makes it worse with all his comments and answers and his commitment to not let his stupid “let’s ride” catchphrase go. Hey Russ, no one wants to be on your ride. I remember one year we went to the Platte County Fair and my siblings and I got on a ride called the Tilt a Whirl. It wasn’t very busy so the guy thought we would want an extra long ride. Either that or he just liked torturing kids. We were literally yelling as we kept spinning around for the ride to stop. But it just kept going. Every Broncos fan right now is yelling for the ride to stop but Russ just pretends like he can’t hear them. Instead he goes home and counts his money like Scrooge McDuck.

Amazingly, the Raiders season has gone even worse. They find way after way to rip defeat from the jaws of victory. They have lost pretty much every game after leading at some point. Last week they lost to a team coached by a guy who was doing what you and I were doing the week prior. Derek Carr cried at the podium after the game. And I don’t blame him. I’d cry if I was him too. Josh McDaniels seems to be a pretty terrible head coach as he also ruined a pretty decent Broncos team and now is ruining a Raiders team that was in the playoffs last year. To make matters worse, the Raiders are stuck with him because they can’t afford to get rid of him. Basically they are already paying too many coaches and don’t have enough money to keep paying Josh and another head coach.

What’s even more amazing as both these teams were media darlings. The AFC West was supposed to be the toughest division in the league. Instead in week 11, we have two of the worst teams in the league battling it out.

So who wins this crap show? While the Raiders are bad, 1 of their 2 wins was against the Broncos. I mean…first one to 17 probably wins. As bad as the Raiders D is, the Broncos O is even worse. The Raiders have the only offensive player that I have any faith in and that is Davante Adams. So I give the Raiders a slight edge.

Raider gonna raider 17 Let’s stop the ride 13

Cowboys at Vikings: Battle of the chokes

The Cowboys should have won last week and they lost. The Vikings should have lost last week and they won. This is the craziness of the NFL. These are two talented rosters with inconsistent quarterbacks. Dak doesn’t exactly shine in the big moments. Kirk pretty much loses every prime time game. Luckily for him, this one isn’t at night and is at home.

The Cowboys and Vikings are battling for playoff spots although with the Packers loss last night, the Vikings would have to completely fall apart to lose the division. That falling apart could start this week. Dallas on the other hand had an opportunity to gain some ground on the Eagles last week but instead choked the game last week. My favorite part was when their receiver that no one has ever heard of but for some reason was on the field in a crucial moment, lined up a yard in front of the ball. First of all, why is that guy even in? Secondly, you can turn to the ref and ask if you are on the line of scrimmage or not. Even I routinely did this in high school. So that was a special moment. Add that to the things I can do in the NFL. Line up properly and be the head coach. Let’s see if I can find a few more things I can do in the NFL this week.

All that to be said, it should be one of the better games this week. I think it is a toss up game. I have the Dallas D in fantasy football, so I will assume the Vikings offense will have a big week. Cowboys give up a touchdown late and lose.

Vikings 31 Cowboys 27

Chiefs @ the Pre Season AFC West champs (every year): AFC West Championship

The Chiefs got flexed to Sunday night football. The Chargers just played a road game on Sunday night last week and now they have to turn around and do it again. It must be so depressing playing for the Chargers. I mean this might be half their problem. That is why all their players are hurt. They don’t want to play on the road every single week. The other issue is that crappy turf they play on. While the Chargers and Rams suck, Sofi stadium is undefeated against ACL’s. Honestly, I am less worried about the Chiefs winning and more worried about everyone making it back to KC in one piece.

The Chargers have been decimated with injuries, but lets be honest, they would find a way to lose anyway. It’s what they do. They have a good roster so they are always the preseason darling but once the season starts they fall to the middle of the pack. It is a big game for them. Both the back half of their schedules are easier than the front half for the Chargers and Chiefs. If the Chargers win, they would be only one game behind. If they lose, they would be 3 back but really 4 back because the Chiefs would own the tie breaker. If the Chiefs win, it is hard to imagine them losing 4 or more games and even if they did the Chargers would have to win out. Seems unlikely with the schedules they have ahead of them.

Mahomes has been very good in prime time the last few years. He’s found a new toy in Kadarius Toney. We can sort of run the ball giving Pacheco the majority of the reps. We seem to be getting more pressure on the quarterback but I assume that will end now that Frank Clark is back. A healthy McDuffie is nice to have because it is fun to see one of our corners not get beat all the time. Hopefully he survives the SoFi turf.

All this to be said, even if the Chargers gets some guys back like they are supposed to, most of them are on offense. That doesn’t help stop Mahomes who has been ridiculously good lately. Nothing is ever easy when we play the Chargers and I am sure Butker will miss at least one extra point but I think we get the W.

Chiefs 30-Chargers 24

Check back in on Tuesday for my weekly NFL Rankings and reactions from week 11.